25th January, 2022
It is getting towards the end of January now, and it always amazes me how time flies by. It was my daughter's 40th birthday on the 21st and the years have certainly flowed away so quickly. Those years, and the ones before her birth contained so many, many memories. Some good, some not so good, but we are still here and each memory is precious, either for the happiness it gives or for the lessons left for us to hopefully learn from.
I find it easier now to be more philosophical because I am here looking back. Sometimes the reality of what happened in those years hits me and I am left wondering how I survived. But survive I did. When I relive moments in my head it can feel like some fictional story but it wasn't, it was real and I was one of the lead characters. Perhaps one day I will go into more details about my personal history, but I don't think I could do it as me, so to speak. It would have to be under a nom-de-plume. It could hopefully help those who are going through similar situations know they are not alone, how they are living is not “normal”, things can change and life can become so much better. Writing as someone else would also protect the ones that are intermeshed with my story to give them the privacy they deserve. Who knows, I will have to give this all some deep thought.
Life and memories are so important. When I was young I lived with my Grandparents as my mother was single and when she wasn't working she was always going out or going away somewhere. She had married my father when she was 17 years old on a cold and snowy day in January 1958. I was born in a much warmer July of the same year so I think you may have realised I too was at the wedding in a much smaller way :-)
After the marriage broke up about seven or eight years later she was still young and perhaps wanted to catch up with the youth she had missed out on. We had moved in with my Grandparents so catch up she did. At the time it was hard for me but looking back at the situation years later, I realised what a blessing it was. I spent a lot of time with my Grandad who I loved, he hadn't had an easy life but he just got on with things and always seemed to have a solution to problems as they arose. Grandma was always telling me stories of her childhood. This paid off in later years when she was diagnosed as having Alzheimer's. When her mind took her back to her past, I knew what she was talking about and we could chat together. This was a hard but special time.She only had me to care for her in her last few years as my mother had disowned her and me but that, as they say, is another story.
When we are young family history can seem so boring but as we get older it can take on a whole new meaning. We have time to think about what went before and what made us who we are. How I wish I could travel back in time and see those family events first hand, rather than piecing together the different facts and stories.
This blog today, as you will have probably noticed, is not about weight loss, except life experiences can shape and mold us into who we are and be part of why we gain weight. How we deal with difficulties and problems can be limited to our experience. Past fears need to be overcome before we can move on.
For a lot of us there is far more to losing weight than watching what we eat and exercising more. We can over eat to deal with emotions and feelings and this can only really be addressed by knowing what the triggers are and learning how to overcome them.
I have realised over the years, especially after looking after my Grandma, just how important memories can be. I will move forward documenting mine in one form or another. Hopefully I can express who I feel I truly am, how it all was. Anyone interested will be able to hear it from me. They will know my side of a story.
Who knows many years from now what will be thought of all this I don't know I won't be there! :-)
Oh well, that's all for now, perhaps next time I will write the blog I actually sat down to write before my mind took over and I digressed!
Until next time,
Love, Jackie
xx
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