31^st December, 2020

We are now here at the end of that very strange year, 2020. So much has been lost, and that must never be forgotten or belittled, but hopefully in the years to come we will look back and see some positivity in all this. Hard, I know, at the moment. I was in a strange frame of mind as Christmas drew near. I do have many positive memories of Christmas in past years, but there have also been so many bad, negative, memories and I have to try so hard to keep a balance. When I was with my ex-husband, he had a habit of doing his best to spoil any special occasion he could, in whatever way he could, and there have been some really horrible times.

We have not been in a relationship for nearly 20 years, but those memories burn into your brain and bubble back up to the surface if you let them. I have found ways to cope with them, but it can still be hard. Having said that, apart from the fact that we couldn't be with our family this year (they are now in tier 4, while we are still – for now at least – still in tier 3), we had a lovely day. Christmas came and went, with a new way of coping and I also realised how different it had become for me in my relationship with food.

I had a lovely Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, with lots of lovely festive food and drink and didn't worry about what I was consuming as I would have done in past years. Just before Christmas there was a slight panic, but not over Christmas itself. My panic may come across to some as silly, but to me it was real. Since I saw the orthopaedic specialist and was approved for my hip surgery, I have not lost much more weight. He was so adamant that I should be that weight, I panicked that I would put weight on, be called for the operation after Christmas and be refused because of my weight. That was not going to happen, in the fact that I am not going to be called in for the operation at the moment, but that did not stop the worry. It's a ludicrous situation, that all this depends on my B.M.I., but that is for another blog. After talking things over with Steve, the panic was put to rest and I was able to enjoy the festive days without a second thought until Boxing Day

That morning I got up, came downstairs and started to think about what I wanted for breakfast and realised I was ready to go back to what I usually ate. It was a very strange feeling. We had had some wonderful food, but I was beginning to feel that I wanted to go back to “normal”. Normal is not a good word to use but I wanted to go back to the way of eating I have established and made my lifestyle change this past year.

Festive food is lovely, rich and sugary, but lovely. However, I had to go back to the foods I liked to eat and the way I need to eat. I want to lose another two stone in the New Year, but at this time I just want to get back to the way I am more comfortable with and this time this feeling was so different to past years when I wanted to diet and felt so guilty if I ate what I shouldn't.

This time I felt that I could eat what I liked without guilt, but now I know when I have had enough. It was a lovely feeling because I felt that this time I was beginning to address the relationship I have with food.

For me, as with many others, it will never be easy but I have learnt so much, and I am able to move forward to the next stage of reaching my ideal weight. This year has gone and the new one is just about here and let us hope it is a much better one for us all. I am so pleased to be back writing my thoughts, So I'll be back again soon.

See you then,

Love, Jackie

xx

WHAT A YEAR 2020 HAS BEEN!

 

15^th December, 2020.

We are now in the middle of December, coming up to Christmas and the end of one of the strangest years of my life. I thought last year was a strange one for me personally, but this year it has hit everyone at different levels. We don't know what can happen in a year. When you think about it, it sounds a long time but when you look back you wonder where the time went. Last year I didn't really think I could achieve what I wanted to do, but I gave it a go and I managed to get there. I was cleared to have my joint replacement operations (still waiting) and I am six and a half stones – that's 91 pounds – lighter. I started taking weight loss more seriously this time last year and once I had seen the orthopaedic specialist in March and I knew what I had to do and I did it.

For a lot of people when the Covid-19 lockdown happened here in the United Kingdom, they found that they ate more sugary foods etc. and gained weight. I could not afford to do that. I found that being stuck at home help me to concentrate on me and I learned so much. Having the time helped me to really think about me and how I wanted to live my life to the best I could. I am now beginning to feel proud of my achievement, even though I know I will never stop learning and developing the way I think. There are so many new developments and things to think about and I think we should always be open to new ideas and not become stale in what we know and think.

I was finally contacted by the N.H.S. weight management team, the first time since March, and I was able to tell them about my weight loss. After we had discussed how I had managed without their input for eight months we talked about where I wanted to go from here. Even though I went through so many emotions about the situation I was left in at the beginning of lockdown, they agreed that the achievement of weight loss was all mine, which was nice, and we were able to discuss ideas of weight management. It was good to talk about this with someone else, I must admit, and have some expert input. They are now going to ring me in January.

As we are now in the last month of this very strange year many of us just want to put it all in a box and move forward to 2021 to see what it brings. This is what I want to do too. We are coming up to the time of eating far more than usual and the possibility of putting on a few pounds :-). This is fine, there is nothing wrong with this and when we have done this and got to the end of the year we should not feel guilty, but many of will.

January is that time of year that many of us think, “Oh my goodness! We have put weight on and now we must panic! Start a diet! Join a gym and lose it!”

By the end of January, if we get that far, all good intentions have faded. When you are feeling guilty and being bombarded by the weight loss industry to put it right, give yourself a moment to think about how you got to your situation. Really think about what is right for you to achieve, not only in weight loss but to make it the best way for you. I will do my best to enjoy myself throughout the festive season, watching what I eat but also enjoying good food and treats without guilt. Once December has gone I will assess where I am and move on from there.

I will draw my blog to a close now until the New Year, but I will be back. It's not been a good year, but let us hope as we move into 2021 that there is a light at the end of the tunnel . Enjoy your festive times the best way you can and I will see you on the other side.

Love Jackie

xx

PS. Before I finish for the year, here's a little whimiscal thought for you.

WHAT WOULD THE CAVE PERSON DO?

Can you imagine weight loss in prehistoric times? Cave people lined up to get weighed by the Cave Person Weight Loss Leader. You can hear the excuses now.

“Well, we caught our first animal in weeks, and we had to eat it all, because we are in the middle of the weather being hot and we had nowhere to store it, so we ate it and now I've put 2 lbs on!”

“I haven't managed to get a lightweight fur yet and this fur is drenched because it rained and all the extra weight is water!”

“I haven't had to run away from as many wild animals this week, so I haven't had as much exercise as I need!”

They didn't have to make excuses, and neither should we. In the greater picture, it doesn't matter.

IF YOU WANT TO DO IT, NO EXCUSES, TRY TO DO IT

 

2^nd December, 2020

Many years ago now, seems like a lifetime ago, I was in an abusive relationship. I was young and a little more naïve than I am now (still a work in progress) and did not have any family support whatsoever. My father had never been there, I was disowned by my mother shortly after marrying my first husband and my grandma, who I looked after, had Alzheimer's. My husband's family really didn't understand what was going on. Any friends I had made, especially after I had my children, my husband got rid of one way or another, except for one who I still know today, even though we now live 250 miles away from each other.

I was near enough completely on my own, coping with an abusive husband, looking after two small children and an elderly relative with Alzheimer's. I did my best. That is what I felt I had to do, I struggled on , but slowly I found it harder and harder. I had very little money and no way out. Now, this is not a “feel sorry for Jackie” story, I promise. I resorted to going to see my doctor, who was very old school, near retirement and middle class, as I didn't know what to do. His advice was either do something about it or put up with it. At the time I thought “thank you very much – NOT!”, but now, looking back years later, I can sort of see what he meant.

Resources these days are limited, but back then there was very little help at all. At one point I was offered a place in a refuge, but at that time I weighed up the pros and cons and didn't think it was for us. We weren't in physical danger, at least not at that time., and rightly or wrongly I progressed through the years. I did have a plan. I retrained, got qualifications, which helped for a while, got different jobs and eventually managed to split from my first husband. I still made sure he was okay, I may add, he had alcohol and mental health problems, I am just that kind of person, but you can't help being the person you are. Anyway, in the end, we had survived and life went on.

You might be thinking at this stage what has this got to do with weight loss? Going back to the days when that doctor said that to me it was not easy to take, but if you are in a situation you have to make that decision. Do you do something about it, or do you accept it? It's not easy and everybody's situation is different but if you really want to something you have to try to do something about it, no matter how long it takes. I started thinking about this because I hear so many reasons and excuses as to why some people can't lose weight. On the internet there are so many groups where they say weight loss is not possible.

There are many reasons why weight loss may not be easy. Hormones, medication, not being able to exercise or other health reasons, but it is possible. I have proved it. You really must want it and put the work in. Seeing a purpose to what you want to do, knowing the reason and finding the way. It may take a lot of time and you may have to do it by yourself but you can do it. That feeling when you have looked at what you want to achieve and found a way to do it, and then finally done it is amazing. You may struggle along the way and it may take a long time but you can do it.

In these present times knowledge is so much more easily accessible, and understanding of situations has moved on greatly with so much more support available, but it still comes down to you yourself no one can do it for you. Know what it is you want to achieve, do your research and go for it and at least you can say you've tried.

My weight loss has come to a standstill at the moment. I can't do much exercise because of my health and mobility problems and I don't feel I can cut down too much more on my calorie intake (I'm not doing 1000 calories per day like I did last time) but I will not give up. My goal was to get to the weight and BMI I needed to be at for my hip operation, which I did, but I still have a little more I'd like to lose in the New Year for our son and future daughter-in-law's wedding next November.

So, Jackie, look at what you have achieved and move on. And move on I will because it may not always be easy, but I will not give in that easily. I want to do something about it and I will.

Until next time,

Love Jackie

xx