28th January 2022
I was going through a very hard and strange time when I was writing my last blog, and my mind went off on one of it's “I will make your writing hand move the way I want it to” moments. :-) It can do that sometimes and I let it because that's the way I have learnt to feel better about a situation. I learnt this nearly nine years ago when I first started to write this blog. I needed to keep my mind clear to lose weight and writing helped me to do that. At the moment I find writing alone is not helping as much as it used to and I am now trying out lots of new ideas to keep me occupied and not constantly think about food.
I don't know if it's the time of year, or the fact that it is so cold, or even something else, but I do seem to think about food more than I have been. It's easier in warmer weather when you can fill up on salads and other low calorie foods, but in Winter it feels like there is only so much soup you can eat without feeling bored. There is also the fact that Winter clothes cover up so much.
Before we know it the warmer weather will be upon us and there will be nowhere to hide our bodies. I will feel so let down with myself if I can't at least maintain the weight I have reached. I was listening to Carla Jenkins on her “Calorie Crush” YouTube posts (I have mentioned her before in my blog) and she was saying she was finding it harder to lose weight now. She is at year two, week twenty of her weight loss journey. She started at 27 stone and 2 pounds, and at the moment she is 19 stone and 11 pounds, with some more weight to go.
She, like me, has a long, long journey, one that has to be there for the rest of her life. If only it was like getting in a car and going from A to D, and once there that was it. You could go back to the way you lived, the way you ate and you didn't step back on that slippery slope back to A. Somehow you need to keep going from B to C, C to D and stay there without going back.
We can't help who we are, what has made us this way, but we can take responsibility for where we want to be. My plan at the moment is damage limitation. I refuse point blank to once agin go back to where I was at 20 stone plus, but it is never going to be easy, especially at this stage of the game.
I am finding the scales frustrating. I have the older type with a dial and they don't show the smallest weight loss, unlike those that are digital. Unless you lose a couple of pounds, it doesn't show and at this stage of my journey, I may only lose a half pound a week.
I have decided for now to go back to not getting weighed. It's a bit of a risk, I know, but getting on those scales every morning and not seeing any change is so frustrating and depressing. Instead, I will, for now, gauge it with my clothes and how they feel. I know what I eat in a day, I know if it is “right” or “wrong” and I know the consequences, so in that situation the scales won't help me anyway. They will just add to the frustration of it all. I have done it before with monthly weigh-ins, and I will do it again. I don't need the scales to tell me. Words that can lead to a downfall, I know, but I am giving it a go. Scales were never my friend, anyway, so I won't miss them. I have a skirt that I bought the other day that is a little bit tight for me at the moment. It only cost £1 in the charity shop sale and instead of taking it back, I am going to see if I can lose the small amount I need to to get it to fit. I know they say you shouldn't use this method, but it has worked for me in the past, and that £1 skirt may give me the inspiration to lose the few pound in weight I need.
I will let you all know how I get on, but after losing weight this time over the course of just over two years, a new way of monitoring success may be just what I need. I promise – and I don't promise this lightly – a photo will follow in the future.
Until next time,
Lots of love,
Jackie
xx
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