P.S.

 

22^nd December, 2021

Six mince pies later... :-)

Here we are, three days before Christmas. For many reasons, from past years experiences, I never really know how I feel about the “Big Day”. For some it is a happy occasion, for some it is a sad one. I have had a few that I definitely wouldn't want to live again, but I have a lot to be grateful for. I want to continue to write in the New Year, even though recently I have found it really difficult to do. It's a block that I know I need to, and want to, conquer, so we will see where this narrow bending path takes me.

Until then, can I wish who ever is reading this a

Merry Christmas

And 

A Happy New Year

Love 

Jackie

xxx

DAMAGE LIMITATION

 19^th December, 2021.

I wrote last time about communication and how easy it seems we can have a conversation with a 'celebrity', and where these conversations can lead. I have learnt over the years to work things out for myself as much as I can, and, as I have said, I find a lot of this a very strange concept. How someone can let someone else who doesn't know them, has a different life and different life experiences influence  their life is something I find hard to contemplate. Now I am not saying we can not learn from others, we can of course, but to not think for ourselves and be empowered by our own development and completely depend on someone else's ideas is not for me.  When I was young you were a fan of a pop star etc and followed what they did but to depend on an ordinary person to think and advise you completely feels very unnatural to me. Even though I write, I do primarily do it for myself. If it strikes a chord with anyone out there, and it helps, then that is a bonus, but it is something I very rarely find out about. If someone tells me I have helped them, then that is fantastic, but the majority of the time, I never know.

This time of year is especially hard when it comes to motivation for healthy eating and exercise. The weather is not always good, the nights arrive so early and are so long and celebrations like Christmas are bound to encourage us to eat more than usual. I am at home now and do not work due to ill health, but I do remember Christmas celebrations during my working years. There was one year I had five Christmas dinners during December, not including the day itself, which I quite often worked before I had my children.

There was always, and still is, so much food around, and so much temptation. How often have we thought “I am going to eat what is there, enjoy myself and then look at the situation in January”? There is, in theory, nothing wrong with thinking that way, however you really need to look at yourself and see if this really works for you. Christmas is only one day, how often do we hear that, and it is - but a day that sometimes seems to start with an advent calendar and end somewhere in the end of January. Of course, you have to finish off all the food you have left, that you thought you might need for that day or two. :-)

If we do put on a little bit of weight, we have plenty of time to lose it before the weather warms up and we don't need so many layers on, don't we? Some of us are under more temptation than others with office parties, etc. but with so much temptation when we go shopping we are all at risk. Now, because some work parties have had to be canceled because many of us are once again working from home, will we buy more to compensate and cheers ourselves up?

Cheering ourselves up is another topic of discussion because, as we know, eating to cheer ourselves up can quickly bring on feelings of being down because of the weight damage we might have done.

All we can do is to try and decide what is right for us, or, at the least, try to carry out damage limitation. I know that a “diet” that is strict will not work for me it has too my limitations. Neither will a free reign when I can eat what I want during a four week period and see where it takes me. There has to be some restraint, but also some flexibility. Oh, if only is was so easy! :-) I know personally that if I wanted to eat completely what I wanted to eat throughout December I could put on a good 7 to 10 pounds in weight. Weight that would then make me feel bad about myself and weight that would have to go before I even think about any extra pounds I would like to lose. It's a position I don't want to put myself in. I do not want to deny myself Christmas treats, but I do not want to be scared of overeating. I will do my best to look at what I have learnt over this last year and find myself a comfortable compromise.

I know I can do it. I will set myself the challenge of having a good Christmas and coming out the other side happy with myself knowing that I have done my best.

All for now,

With love to you all,

Jackie

xx

WHY DO THEY ASK, WHEN QUITE OFTEN THEY TELL?

 

16^th December, 2021.

I sit down to write, looking across through the window at a beautiful kestrel sitting on the church roof opposite. For that bird, life hasn't changed that much. It's been born and it lives it's life looking for food and doing what it needs to do to survive. It has  been that way for each creature with very little change for hundreds of years, except that now even our village is more urbanised than it was, and finding food must be harder than it used to be.

For nature the changes seem so slow, dependent on the weather and environment, etc., but for us the changes can be so much more dramatic. Things have definitely changed as I have got older. Technology and methods of communication have changed, for the better? I'm not so sure. I would argue that some forms of personal communication have declined. People don't seem to talk to each other, personally, really talk to each other in the way that they used to do. It is now dependent on the use of one device or another. It strikes me also, rightly or wrongly, that the way many people think has changed. . They don't always seem to think for themselves but instead rely on what their favourite celebrity or influencer are saying. I happened to see on Twitter recently a well known celebrity in some circles was asking if any of their followers were feeling tired. They said they were not exercising enough, were comfort eating, and had gone up two dress sizes. They wanted a new start in the New Year and wanted suggestions from their followers. They had always said no to diets but wanted to know what other people thought. There were nearly 1,500 replies.

I find this so confusing. For what reason would they be asking people they don't know for advice, when they have had a personal trainer in the past and had the resources to find out. Of course, people were quick to offer their advice as though the ideas they put forward were new or they had a platform to offer the services that they provided.

I won't go into this in too much detail, but I can't help thinking to myself, for what reason would this celebrity be asking this? For some feature in the New Year? Or perhaps to get an emotional connection to their followers? Who knows? I must admit, it all seems very, very strange to me.

December can be a difficult month in many ways, even though it can be full of joy with plenty of eating, drinking and celebrations. This can add extra issues to those of us who are trying to maintain a weight loss. What can we do to to limit the damage to our progress ?

I will write more about my thoughts in my next blog, which will follow shortly.

Until then,

Love, Jackie

xx

AS ONE DOOR TRIES TO CLOSE, ANOTHER ONE TRIES TO OPEN

 

8^th December, 2021

I enjoy writing so much. I have been told by someone I respect a lot that I should write more, and I am seriously considering doing just that, but until then I have my blog. As someone who overthinks too much, writing helps me to clear my mind. I have written before about my past and how I was continually put down, told I was fat and ugly and that I was no good at anything that I did, and that stays with you. Even today when Steve tells me all the time that I am beautiful, that he loves me and that I do do things well, that little voice inside my head is still there and that can be harder to deal with.

When it's a person, once that person is not there and the input is gone, that voice moves to your head, it's your head and it becomes harder to ignore. I find writing helps to silence that voice and clear my mind.

As much as it is not always easy to find the motivation and the time to write, I know that it really helps me. That is, once I sit down and actually do it. Like I said earlier, someone who I respect has told me that there is a writer within me, and I should write.

Now, there is a big part of me saying “they would say that wouldn't they. They say that to everyone. They are just being kind and don't really mean it”, but if I do like writing then does that really matter? Any writing I do is for me, but if I did have someone supporting me then that is a bonus. Someone who is successful in their own right and has nothing to gain has been supportive to someone who they really don't have a personal connection with... FOR GOODNESS SAKE, JACKIE, just take it and run with it. What do you have to lose – and for once I am not talking about weight! :-) So we will see what happens.

I have no idea how I want to do this or the best way to go about it, but I will try and we'll see where it takes me. At the very least these memories, experiences and ideas will be documented, and a part of me will be here for a very long time. The task is daunting, but a journey can never start unless you take that first tentative step.

I often talk about getting older and not being taken notice of and how you begin to disappear and become irrelevant, so let's see how much I can or can't change that. I will still carry on writing about weight loss, how it affects people and it's culture and the industry that surrounds it all, but I will also experiment with other ways of expressing myself.

We will see what happens and where this takes me. I have nothing to lose and potentially so much to gain that isn't weight.

Watch this space. Who knows what might fill it.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

WELL, HERE I AM

 3^rd December, 2021

It's only been three weeks since I last wrote in my blog, but it feels like forever. Such a lot seems to have happened in that time. We had a great time at our son and daughter-in-law's wedding, and we were also able to visit my mother-in-law, who I hadn't seen for almost three years. She lives two hundred and fifty miles away in the middle of the countryside and with limited access, so with my mobility issues it is no easy task for me to get there. And, of course the Covid restrictions and my recent hip operation have also played a large part in taking so long to see her.

We were away from home for a week and by the time we got back I was worn out, both physically and mentally. It was lovely to see so many people and share such a beautiful day with my son and his new wife, especially as it has taken over a year and two previous attempts to get there due to various lockdowns and Covid restrictions.

It was truly a wonderful day. We met so many family members, including my nephew, his wife, son and son's partner who had flown in from America. They also came to visit us at home on the Tuesday just after we got back, which was great, even though we had only been home for six hours having got back at 6 o'clock that morning. :-)

While I was away, thoughts of weight loss completely left my mind. My dress did fit :-) and it was a relief not to have to worry about my outfit as mother of the groom anymore. The dress fitting me had become a real consern, which really was a small worry compared to all the other issues that needed to be thought about by other people, but I wanted to be there, be as confident as I could be for my family and do them proud. I must say at this point that standing up in the church in front of over a hundred people to do my reading was really scary, especially following a professional, but I did it, and what a relief it was.

Strangely, after that point I felt so very hungry, just wanting to eat. And eat I did! The food was beautiful and I enjoyed it so much. However, what has been really hard since is to stop! It's like I only have two modes – eating/not eating. Now I know it's not like that at all, but these last ten days or so have been very strange. I have felt very down and I have not been sure what to do with myself.

Really looking forward to something so much, working towards it and then it's happened you're left with a feeling of what next? I know I still have to have a knee replacement operation, but just now that does not feel real at all. After the 15^th of December, when I see the specialist, that may change, but right now it seems to be out there in the fog, and that fog is very thick and hard to see through.

I know that weight management is not a game of two parts. By this I mean that I know it not just a matter of losing weight and putting weight back on. I know there is a middle ground. It's so hard at the moment though to really think about what I am eating only that I want to eat a lot of the things I shouldn't eat of a lot of! :-)

But my learnt habits are starting to kick back in. I know that my weight may have risen a little over the last two weeks, but you know something? It doesn't matter! Yesterday I went for my annual diabetes review and they weighed me in at 13 stones and 12 pounds. Last November at my last review I weighed 14 stone and 13 pounds, so I am a stone and a pound less than I was this time last year.

Now, this is where the new Jackie kicks in. The old Jackie would have said you have weighed less than that in the last year. You have weighed 13 stone, and now you weigh 12 pounds more and you have failed. It is all over. You are going to put all that weight you have lost this time back on. The yo-yo has returned. YOU HAVE FAILED!!!

Now I am relieved to say the new Jackie thinks...... Yes I may weigh 12 pounds more than my lowest weight I have been on my scales however there is a difference of seven pounds between my scales (where I weighed 13 stone until recently) and the doctors, making me 13 stone 5 pounds on my scales at home. When you also consider that I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning wearing light nightwear and before eating, whereas at the doctors I wore Winter clothes and I had eaten lunch shortly before being weighed it actually wasn't that bad.At the review I was still a stone and a pound lighter than I was last November and what a year it has been since!

So, Jackie, continue looking at the positives. Life can be hard, but you can always find positives. I must always try to remember this. My new habits can and have kicked back in and now I need to look forward to the next year and whatever it brings.

This is me,

I am what I am,

I am still here

 I will do my best to continue to move forward, doing, as always, the best I can to be the best person I can be.

Hopefully there's a lot more to come

Until then,

Love, Jackie

xxx