WHO ARE YOU LOSING WEIGHT FOR?

29^th November, 2020

When I started my blog the first time in 2014, it was for me to write down the thoughts that came into my head and my experiences on my weight loss journey. That was it, and that was great because it was about weight loss. I stopped writing it when I lost most of the weight I needed to. Everything was great. Life was great. All my problems went away once I had lost weight and become “thin” - NOT!!

That is not what happens. Life remains the same. You have lost weight, you know how to lose weight, but not many people tell you how to keep it off. The emphasis is not on that, is it? The heatlth profession tell yo that if you are overweight/obese, they have a chart, but they don't tell you what you have to do to keep it off. G.P.s have a lot to deal with, so many illnesses and diseases to help patients cope with, but their training on nutrition is limited.

I don't know how correct this is, but I read somewhere that while a G.P. is doing their four years at medical school the total amount of time spent on nutrition is about 10 to 20 hours. They have so much else to learn so it's understandable, but then when they tell us to lose weight the knowledge they can pass on to us is limited, and, quite often, can not be up to date. Even then we are not really told how to maintain weight, so if we take their advice and lose weight then what happens next? More than likely we will go back to old habits and put the weight back on until the next time we need to lose it.

We may turn to some part of the slimming industry to help us. Again the emphasis is put on losing the weight because in the beginning that's what we need to do. Now I have not been to a slimming club for many years so things may have changed and you may get the help you need to keep it off once you reach your target, but the majority of people coming through the door paying their money want to lose weight. You don't pay when you get to your target, so surely there is no profit for them in getting clients to their target weight and keeping them there. You put weight on, and then you pay again to lose it.

The cost of this on you financially can be great. It can also be a great cost to your health, both physically and mentally, if you yo-yo weight loss, especially if you have a lot of weight to repeatedly lose and put on. It can be a great strain on your organs and make you feel very down if you feel as though you are always failing. We are not failing. For whatever reasons there is no reason to train us to lose weight and keep it off. In my research, I am now hearing of some methods that say they help you to retrain your thinking, but they come at a financial cost, and I would not be able to find out if they work without spending money. For me, now at the stage I am with my weight loss and retraining (D.I.Y. style) I don't want to take that route but they may be worth trying if you have tried everything else and have the finances.

This time, for me, I knew I had to do it differently. Down the free route there is very little information to pass on to patients about weight loss and conquering your weight gain beast, while down the paid route most that I have experienced gain financially by you losing weight once you have put it back on again, etc. etc.

As we go into the season of eat, drink and be merry – even if it is in a more limited way this year – our thoughts will soon turn to “oh dear, I have put some weight on, I better do something about it!”

Think about how you do this, look seriously at what is best for you and go for it. There is so much to learn if you go out to look for it, but beware, finding the right information is not always easy. If you stick to the basics of nutrition and health that is a good start but always take into consideration who is telling you the information, how do they know this, and for whose benefit it's for. Yours... or theirs?

Food for thought.

Until next time,

Jackie

xx

LEARNING ABOUT ME

 

22^nd November, 2020

After writing my last blog, I realised how much better I was feeling. I was inspired by a Facebook comment from Louisa at Louisa Farret Styling, which mentioned being grateful to your body and knew that really, in so many ways, I had not thought about being grateful to something that has kept me going through so many difficult and different times.

I have been trying so hard to lose weight while this time also doing my best to retrain my brain to think differently. It had become an obsession, I had to be able to keep going and lose those 88 pounds. I do tend to obsess about things, that is part of my nature. There is nothing wrong with that if you can achieve your goal and you know when to stop. That is the key, to know what to do once you approach where you want to be and reach the target you need to be. The longer this takes it should get easier, and in lots of ways it does, but in other ways it gets harder. At some point the longer it takes the pressure starts to grow. You know how to lose weight. You have learnt how it is possible, in theory at least, to keep that weight off, but that is still theory until you actually put it into practice. When you get near to the transition period it is scary to think about moving onto unknown ground.

As I said in the past, I am not one to think about my achievements and really be proud of myself. I will be the first to tell my family and friends I am proud of them for their achievements, but until now I have not treated myself the in the same way. A lot of us do that, we do not treat ourselves the way we treat others, and we really should. We have the right to look after ourselves and be the best we can. I have never really had the time, energy or circumstances in my past to think about me. How I live my life, how I think and what I look like. It may sound a little selfish but when you have given so much it's not wrong to give to yourself now and then.

I am so grateful that I have overcome so many obstacles in the past and I am still here. I am a firm believer that you learn from all of life's experiences, both good and bad. They make you stronger. Nearly everything can be turned into a positive or at least help us to be grateful for what we have. I have a lot to be grateful for, and I owe it to myself with the years I have left to make the most of my life.

To move forward into unknown times is scary but it is also exciting. What I can do is slightly limited by my health issues and mobility problems, but I am not going to let that stop me. I am going to spend the free time that I am now blessed with learning as much as I can about looking after me and being the best I can. I am going to spend time looking at what I can wear, looking after my skin and body and improving the way I look. Not because I am selfish, but because I want to feel good about myself and have more confidence.

Surely the time I give myself will make me a stronger person and be able to give so much more to those I love without feeling worn out and drained.

In these present times we should all do our best to be grateful for what we have. We have, at many different levels, more than a lot of others have and it would be wrong to waste what we have or have achieved.

I will always do my best to be grateful for what I have and will try to stop thinking about what I don't have and move on to a new stage of my life trying to be as positive as I can be.

Until next time,

Love Jackie.

xx

CONFUSING THOUGHTS

 

19^th November 2020

These are confusing times for so many different reasons. Some things are beyond our control, and some things are controllable if we can get our heads around them. Although a small thing in the greater scheme of things, my weight loss is still causing me a lot of food for thought (if you'll excuse the pun). Up to now I have lost 6 stone and 4 pounds (that's 88 lbs). My orthopaedic specialist wanted me to get my BMI down to 35 to 37, which is around 15 stone, which I did and since then I have lost another stone (14 lbs). Now, at the middle of November I find my weight loss is slowing down and now I have stayed at the same weight for the last two weeks. Not a big deal, really, however I feel for me it is a really dangerous time where I must not lose motivation and slip back into old habits. I don't really thnk I will, but the fear is there, sitting in part of my brain and comes to the front of my thinking now and again, especially in moments when things around me are quiet. I have not been well this week, with balance and vertigo problems, and I have had a lot of time on my hands to think about it more than usual.

Where my confusion arises is if my weight loss has stopped, then what do I do next? When I have looked at why people lose weight there seems to be three groups of “slimmers”. A group who are usually within a normal weight range that want to lose weight for a special occasion; a group who have more to lose, who want to to do it to look better or for health reasons and often join a group or club for weight loss and are given a target weight; and a group that are seriously obese who are 25 stones or more and often need medical intervention to help them do this, and are still given a healthy weight target to get to.

Now each of these groups can reach their targets, but when you are read that 19 out of 20 weight loss diets fail, you realise it's not losing weight that is the only problem, it's also keeping that weight off.

I knew this without reading it, for I have gained and lost weight many times and that is how the slimming industry has continually made money over the years since the late 1950s.

I have tried to prepare myself, if that's at all possible, for the moment this time when I had to start to maintain my weight. I have never got to this stage in the forty-six years I have had issues with my weight. I have either been losing weight aiming for a target, or putting weight back on.

I find myself now aware that my weight has plateaued and the fear of it coming back on is so real in my mind. I have dreams of waking up and finding myself a size 24 again. Stupid, I know, but that's the mind for you and as much as you know ther are bigger problems in the world the fear, the silly fear, the unjustified fear is still sitting there in my mind.

I have to spend sometime with myself and give myself a good shake to get myself through this. I have come through such hard things in my life that I will not let this get me down.

I eat a healthy diet. I do have times when my calorific intake is slightly higher than it should be, but this is a normal way of eating. I refuse to cut my calories down to a silly unrealistic amount as I have done in the past. That is not the way I want to live my life. I can't really up my exercise levels greatly because of my health problems. So I was not really sure where I stood and it was really bothering me.

After a lot of thought I have decided for the time being that I am going to accept myself at the stage I am at. I reached the level I need to be at for my operation, and more besides, and I am beginning to like the way I look. Perhaps it's time now (earlier than I originally thought) to learn how to maintain the weight I am. It's all a new experience for me, but I know I can do it, and it will take a lot of the pressure from me of feelings of learnt behaviour that have been with me for many years. When I have done this through Christmas and the New Year I will then assess where I want to go from there. So watch this space, and we will see what happens next.

All for now,

Love Jackie

xx

BEING DIFFERENT

 

14^th November, 2020

Being different can mean so many different things to so many different people.

When I was young I felt different. Not in the beginning because I was fat, that came in the years to follow, but because my parents were divorced and my mother was only 17 years older than me. That might seem strange now, but back in the 1960s and 70s it was not so common. I have mentioned before a memory of one of my first parent/teacher days and my mother coming into school wearing a blue mini dress with red spots, quite low cut with a ruff around the neck line and a brown fur coat, flaming red hair and immaculate make-up. I remember the looks she got as her high heels tapped down the school corridor. She must have been about 29 years old then, but she looked so young compared to all the other children's mothers. She was different, so I was different, because of the way I was treated and because of the way she lived her life.

I had no control over that and quite often we have no choice in not being the same. I married my first husband, who is a Punjabi Sikh, because I loved him. He was not the same as other people I had met and I loved that, and even today after a 22 year abusive marriage and being divorced for 18 years I am still grateful for the travelling I did, the people I met, the different cultural experiences I have had and the two beautiful children that we had together. I was aware when my children were born they would be perceived as “different” and I have done my best to bring them up to be aware and proud of who they are. They, like many, can not change who they are. They are who they are even though it is not always understood by those around them. A story for someone else to write, but there are so many others who for so many reasons who are also treated differently because they are not the same as the ones who judge them for who they are. With me it has been being fat all my life, often bigger than the norm. Not only have I been criticised for being big I have been made to feel second best and lazy and unworthy for not making myself thin. Not only by the medical profession, but in the past by people who claimed to love me. I am with my second husband now, who has always loved me for who I am, not what I look like. But the damage of the past is still not easy to heal.

To not feel when you are with other women that you are not attractive enough because they smaller than you or not getting the medical treatment you need because the medical practitioner thinks you are overweight, are hard things to come to terms with and evoke so many feelings. There are so many people we come across in our lives who are different, whether it is visible the minute you see them or as you get to know them. Whichever way it is that person deserves the same respect as you would expect others to give to you.

Differences should be celebrated but I fear we have a long way to go still.

Until next time, love to you all,

Jackie

xx

THE PAIN OF FAILURE (EVEN IF IT'S NOT REALLY YOURS)

 

7^th November, 2020

I have recently read about the guilt and failure someone had felt for losing weight and then putting it back on again. There was real pain in their words as they felt that they had wasted this year and had nothing to be proud of because they had failed. I know this feeling too well. You are trying to conform to some kind of “normal” that society say is there. Quite often, in my experience, if your weight has reached a very high level – in my case it was called “Morbidly Obese” - there are many reasons for getting to that point. It's so complicated. What has happened to that person can be complex, and the solution is not really give that person a diet plan and weigh them every week.

Their problems can be really different to the person who just wants to lose a few pounds to look good for Christmas or for a holiday. Now, I know their need to lose weight is important to them and I would never belittle that, but their case is very different from the person that has to lose 10 stone or more for many reasons.

Yes, they both have to lose weight, but a generic plan will not work for both. They are, as I have said, both different with different issues. What I found so painful when I was reading this person's story was they blamed themselves for their failure.

Now, I can hear some saying, if they ate the wrong food then it is their fault, and yes, when I put weight on, it was my fault because I overate. What is not your fault is that you don't realise it is not just about eating food. That can be put right with a diet plan, whatever it is. If you follow it you may lose weight, but if it does not address the reasons why you eat that way, the weight will not stay off for long. You do not fail, the system you are using – and quite often paying for – is failing you.

It is expecting you, the person who has to lose 100 lbs or more, to be the same as the person who only needs to lose 10 lbs, and, do you know what? You think you are the same too. You don't realise why it is failing you. After all, how can it fail? It works for so many others. But the problem is, you are you and your needs are different.

I want to say to that person who thinks that they have failed, and anyone else out there who may think the same, you have not failed. You just haven't learnt enough about yourself yet. Look at why you eat the way you do. Really think about what has happened in your past that causes you to have these real issues with food and what you need to do to address this.

I know it's not easy, but it can be done. I find it so painful and so sad when I read about someone who is dieting and feels that it is their fault when it goes wrong. IT goes wrong, not you. You are more than a few words that tell you what to do. You are you and you can work out what is good for you. No one else. Just you.

You will not fail if you honestly think about the issues, get the help you need and be the person you need to be.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

THE ROAD

 

6^th November 2020

THE ROAD

There is a road I travel, it's not always smooth or straight and it's hard sometimes to know which way to turn. Ultimately I have to turn, for good or for bad, it is still better than standing in one place. The road is long and really has no end, no one destination, because the destination is different for each of us and we don't always know where we are going.

What I do know is that I have to carry on moving forward, trying so hard not to look back. Looking back can never really help. Just keep moving forward, looking around as I go, learning from what I see and appreciating it for what it is.

The road can be steep and hard to walk especially if you have had enough and are really tired, but remember that at the end of a steep road there can be somewhere to rest and the opportunity to look around at the beauty that's there.

Never give up, no matter how rough and steep the road is, it will be worth it when you get to the top.

Jackie

xx

FOOD, LOVE IT, HATE IT, BE AFRAID OF IT, WE HAVE TO EAT IT

 

5^th November 2020

It's just over a year now since I started seeing the N.H.S. dietician. At that time I weighed in around the 19 stone mark and I had already lost a little weight, mostly by cutting down on the size of my meals. It had been very slow as back in January 2019 I had weighed 20 stone and 4 pounds. My advice from the dietician at the time was...

1. Change cereal to a high fibre one,

2. Continue to have three regular meals,

3. Continue to use a small plate.

Not really a lot of help, but it was a start. By the time of lockdown this year my weight had gone down to 17 stone 11 lbs, so I had continued to lose weight, mostly by adjusting my diet to what I liked to eat within my calorific allowance. After that I had to start working things out for myself a lot more and I am now around about 14 stone, so what I am doing seems to be working.

I am eating in a balanced way and have cut down greatly on the amount of sugar I have, but I have always been aware that this time I would not deprive myself of anything I really wanted to eat.

I know from experience that the minute you do that, you want it more and in the end you inevitably give in, and possibly binge, then you feel bad and guilty. Now when I think about this, we all need to eat food. Food is the thing that keeps us alive, but it also can cause so many problems at different levels for so many people. The other times I have lost weight – this is the sixth and hopefully last attempt – I had been in a close circle of people also attending the same weight loss group as me. We all would be doing the same diet plan and following the same rules. This must be the same for anybody who attends a weight loss group or follows the latest diet trend. Are they aware of other, possibly better, ways of losing weight, not only in a healthy way, but also keeping it off?

When I started writing my blog back in 2014, I was really looking at how weight loss was affecting me. I used the internet as a medium to get my blog out to anyone who may wish to read it and take from it what they may. It is still that way but because I have had to do so much more for myself this time, I have been using the internet and social media to see what I can learn and to find out what other people are doing. There is so much out there and so many, many, different ways of thinking. Food remains the same, but the emotions that surround it are enormous and diverse. The same thing that can give so much pleasure can also cause so much pain, guilt and sadness. Now, it's not really the food that causes a lot of this, but how it's perceived. When I read about people who want to lose weight for whatever reason, and there are many reasons, there is often a lot of sadness. Sometimes it's sadness that causes someone to eat, or sometimes it's sadness caused by eating. I can relate to this so much. It shouldn't be this way, there should be no issue around what we eat if we live in a society where food is plentiful. In parts of the world, and sadly even in more prosperous countries, there are people who can not get enough food to eat and this is a true sadness that should not exist in our modern times.

Food is also causing real problems for other reasons for people who have easy – too easy – access to it. These can often be fuelled through pressures of image and thoughts of what is classed as being “fat” in a society where being “fat” is frowned upon. Some use food as a method of control, denial, method of reward, and then it's not enjoyed because of guilt.

Where this happens there are also so many who use this to make money by “helping” people to alleviate these problems. It is all so confusing. I have read so much this past year about diets, eating disorders, what's good, what's bad, what we should all be doing and I am sure I will share my thoughts on some of this as I continue to write my blog.

I am not an expert, I have never been, but I am beginning to learn what is good for me. What I do know, is that food is not some terrible thing that I should be afraid of. If I solve my issues that I feel I have with food, it can only make my life and health better. I continue to learn as much as I can to be the best I can and not to have as many issues around food.

Until next time,

Jackie

x x