BEAUTY IS NOT ALWAYS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

 

25^th March 2022

I told someone a couple of days ago that I was scared on having my photo taken. I don't know if scared is quite the right word these days. I used to be scared when someone in my earlier life used to force me to have my photo taken and then, when said photos arrived (you had to wait back in those days 😊), would tell me how ugly I looked and how fat I was and that no one would ever love me. How wrong they were but at the time I knew no better than to listen to them and believe what they said. Now, logic would say why were they with me? In fact, stay with me for nearly twenty-eight years. In those days logic never really came into it. I believed what I was told. I have said before that my mother who was only seventeen years older than me was beautiful. Someone once said she looked like a young Sophia Loren and she knew it but I never thought of myself in that way. I was never told I was beautiful, it didn't seem to be thing that someone said, “Jackie your beautiful”. So when someone said I was ugly I believed them. Sad really, as this still affects me all these years later, even though my husband tells me this every day. I am beautiful and he loves me.

Negativity always seems to outweigh positivity. What someone said to hurt you still seems to affect you more than what someone says that loves you. The mind is indeed a strange thing. I have worked on my insecurities over the years and am so much better now than I used to be. We should all feel that we are beautiful and do all we can to boost our confidence. I still find it very hard to have my photo taken, but I am working on it and may have a few plans long term to help put that right. We shall see.

The days now are getting longer, and that strange round glow in the blue sky seems to be there a lot more than it was. It's getting a bit warmer. I am so pleased about that because I hate having to wear a coat. I love the freedom that summer brings, when you don't have to be bundled up in your “big coat” to use a good old-fashioned Yorkshire saying.

I so look forward to Summer dresses and skirts with tops and all those bright shiny colours you can wear. I can't wait!

My weight loss journey is still ticking over. I am beginning to settle into my new routine and it seems to be working. Keeping to a tight eating plan Monday to Friday and relaxing the eating more at the weekend. Having said that, we went to Liverpool for the day a couple of weekends ago and we were doing so much we didn't have time, or really wanted to eat. We did have a couple of freshly cooked doughnuts, but the rest of the day we were not bothered at all. We did joke that the doughnuts must be the new appetite suppressants and we should live on them, but nutritionally that would never work 😊Even though I had eaten them that day my calories were still within my allowance, and I made sure I had all my nutrients for the rest of the weekend.

The plan now is about losing this fear of eating the things I believe I shouldn't and knowing how to balance my eating. Not being too rigid and allowing myself to make mistakes and learn from them. We are never too old to learn from our mistakes.We should also be aware that other peoples mistakes are theirs and we shouldn't let them affect us. We are a person in our own right, beautiful and unique. We should do the best we can to get the most from this precious life we have be given while we are still able.

All for now,

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xxx

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE?

 

17^th March, 2022

Among the many rainy days we have had recently there have been one or two days with blue skies and sunshine. This helps to keep me positive that Spring is on the way. I have said before about how a blue sky and sunshine can help us feel so much better. There are so many things that can cheer us up when we are not feeling our best and it is just a case of finding what those things are. Like meeting up with like-minded people, doing something useful, finding a way to do those things we don't like to do and making things easier, reading, writing, making something – there are so many different things that, one way or another, can help us to cope just that little bit easier.

Things can seem so hard sometimes and it may take some time to find the right ways of coping, but we should never give up if things don't work out right the first time, or the second, or even the third. If we keep going we will get there. I came across a quote today from Audrey Hepburn, which says “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I'm possible.”

Now, I know that some things are impossible, however there are so many things that are possible if we can just find the way. There are so many times in my life that I thought that certain things would never change. There was no support, I couldn't do it, but I never gave up and life did eventually change for the better. Now, there were some things I would have loved to have done but for one reason or another they were not going to happen in my life, that's the way it sometimes happens. I do believe everything happens for a reason although we may not always see that reason at the time. I also believe the signs to change aspects of your life can also present themselves to you at various times. You might see something on social media, or read something in a magazine. Maybe you'll have a chat with a complete stranger and all of a sudden you see something new. A possibility to try a new thing. The signs are there for you to read if you are open enough to see them. So many things can happen in life that can turn things on their head in an instant. Maybe not always for the better, but quite often, if there is a need and you are open-minded you will see where you need to be.

With my weight loss journey, I have reached the hardest point I have ever been at, learning how to maintain weight. As I said in my previous blog, losing weight is hard, but keeping it off is, in my opinion, harder still. I spoke to my health and well being coach about this. I would like to lose the small amount of weight I have put on since my operation, however at the moment the emphasis is on stopping my weight going up even more. It's all in the mind. The mind is one of the most powerful parts of the human body. It works us and it has a way of doing it's own thing. Mine tells me I lost weight for operation and my son's wedding, so that's it now! I have a constant battle at the moment to make it think any other way, but I will succeed. It may take a bit of time, but I will learn how to make my mind do what I want it to do so I can achieve the impossible for me and find balance. I have never in 45 years of weight management been able to find balance, but I am adamant that I will. I have been very lucky to have been referred to a N.H.S. health and well being coach and I am not going to waste this opportunity. He suggested having an on/off approach to weight loss and it is at the moment the best way for me. He suggested I have so many weeks on plan and then so many weeks off plan. That is what he does, but I don't think that would work for me. I would find it hard to get back on plan after a big gap of eating more. What we decided might work better for me at the moment is on plan Monday to Friday and then relax my eating at the weekend. That might sound simple, but for me it isn't. I am an all or nothing sort of person but I can change. I know I can. Not being afraid of the wrong movement of a scale needle can be achieved. I know just how great I will feel if I can not only lose weight, but maintain it as well.

It's been impossible in the past, but hopefully it's possible with a little more mind training. We will see.

When a mind that seems to be lost in a fog finds a path out, how bright and beautiful are the colours on the other side. Just like nature coming out of the sleep of Winter into the bright and early dawn of Spring. We all want the best life we can lead and to find those ways of making it better can be so uplifting.

I will carry on thinking even though it seems impossible, I'm possible, and see where it gets me in the next couple of months.

I have quite a few things happening at the moment, that will take all the possible I can get, so here we go. Let's see where I end up.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

BALANCE - WITHOUT IT WE FALL, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

 11^th March 2022

I was asked the other day what words would I have on my gravestone. I do get asked some strange questions, but there was a reason for this one. When you are looking at your personal values ie what is most important to you,it is a way of working out what is most important in a few words. I am one for taking on the cares of the world. Being quite an empathic person has made me like this. I have a very high standard of justice and it has got me into trouble quite a few times in the past, but I can't help the way that I feel. It is sometimes so painful to be so sensitive to situations and what is happening around you. A lot of people also tend, like me, to put others first and it is not easy when you are set the task “What do you want?” to come up with an answer. I have, in the past few years, tried so hard to find a balance between the needs of others and my own but it can be so difficult.

There is also the issue that sometimes, when you have been there for someone 100% of the time, that they don't understand when you “change”, when you want to do more for yourself. I realised back in the days with my first husband that life is too short. I decided then that  so much as it is in my power on my dying day I want to be able to look back and have no regrets.

Not as easy as it sounds. I still find it hard to strike the right balance. When I was given the task of writing my own epitaph, I googled it and this is what it says.

Typically the goal of the epitaph is to leave some words of wisdom, share the most important values of the deceased, or summarise the person's life.

How many people think of, or get the chance to, write their own epitaph?. Would we want to, at the chance of sounding arrogant ? . It is usually left to someone else, would they get it right about you do you think?

I will have to have a long hard think about what I would write before I let the person who asked me know. :-)

Finding balance is never an easy task, is it? Whether it's work/leisure balance, money balance, relationship balance, or food intake balance, it can be so difficult to keep those scales on a flat line, like those old fashioned scales with weights on one side and a container on the other. 🙂 Whatever the balance needs to be, it is better for our wellbeing that one side does not outweigh the other. Being out of balance can cause so many problems. Ask me, who has Meniere's disease!🙂But seriously life and health really needs to have some kind of balance.

With my weight loss journey, at the moment I am still trying so hard to find that right balance. I am still very anaemic, so I have to be able to eat a healthy diet that gives me plenty of iron, while still being able to treat myself when I want to eat something “less” healthy. All this while on a restricted calorie intake, because I can't exercise in the traditional way.

It is hard, but I am getting there. I'm teaching myself at the moment to try to maintain my weight rather than losing it. Maintaining weight is something I have never been able to do for any good length of time. In the last forty-five years of weight fluctuation I have found weight loss hard but keeping it off even harder. Some people say that you can't keep weight off but I will try to master it, to break the cycle and find my balance 🙂

One thing I know will NOT be in my epitaph is weight loss. There is far, far, more to life than just that! I will not be defined by one thing alone when there is so much more to me and who I am.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

TEACHING GRANDMA TO SUCK EGGS :-)

 4^th March 2022

I love fashion. I always have. I wasn't always able to wear fashionable things though. Firstly when I was young because of my size, and later on because my first husband controlled what I wore. I have two memories from those time which will always stand out for me. When I was young how happy I was when I found something to wear which trendy. My mother once made for me a pair of Bay City Rollers trousers which were checked and baggy and I felt a million dollars when I wore them. The other memory was my first husband getting clothes for me which I liked but they were always two or three sizes too small for me. He used to say I would have to lose weight to fit into them. I was stuck with the old, basic clothes that I had. That made me feel so sad but at the time it was just the way it was, and I could see no way out.

What you can see from this though, is the feelings that clothes can create. To be able to wear something you want to wear, and look good, can do so much for your confidence, wellbeing and mental health.

There is someone that Steve and I know that loves Batman, and the joy in his face recently when he showed us his new Batman t-shirt just radiated out to us and for that moment we could share in his happiness.

As I have said in the past, I love to shop in charity shops and it would be true to say that the majority of my clothes come from there. It's not for everyone, I know. You can't just go in and buy a mass item off the rail, nut for me it's the joy of the hunt. You never know just what you are going to find. Obviously underwear is always bought new, and that's a whole new story as you lose weight, but everything else except sometimes shoes is bought second-hand. There are many new names for it now. Vintage, pre-loved, retro, etc., but it's all technically the same. I have bought some lovely things at vintage fairs, such as a beautiful denim jacket from America, but the majority, as I said, are charity shop finds.

What makes me smile is that anything pre-2000 is now classed as vintage, which is rather scary for those of us who are that bit older. I was born in the late 1950s and have seen many fashion trends come and go. I used to love spending time in London and in particular, many years ago, Carnaby Street, where I would watch what people were wearing. I still love to people watch :-).

Now here is what I sort of see as a problem. I read a lot about trends in fashion and watch YouTube a lot and a thought struck me. When you see younger people dressing vintage or in the style of the 60s, 70s, 80s or 90s it's seen as trendy. My concern was that when someone of my age dresses that way it could be seen completely differently. As though you were stuck in a time warp, or just plain old fashioned or even, dare I say it, dowdy!

Now that is just the way I think but it is definitely different for someone who is older. However I now think that when you are young you can follow fashion and all look the same if you want too. You can choose to dress in a certain era and look fantastic that way. We should be able to wear whatever we want. I spent many years not being able to, but – and it is a big but – as you grow older you have seen so many pages of trends and fashions over the years and you have a wealth of experience to glean from. How lucky we are! Now is the time to experiment to find your own style and have the confidence to be just who you want to be.

Shopping in charity shops are my way of doing this in a far less expensive way . The few things that don't work out can be donated back to raise further money for charity, but what fun I have trying and many times I find myself a whole new outfit few just a few pounds. The thrill of the hunt, finding something different and learning all about the image you want to give to the world is, to me, not only fun but such good therapy. You just never know what is out there. :-)

I will continue to look.

The hunt goes on!

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx