IS IT HOW YOU LOOK?

 

18^th October, 2021

You hear so many people say things like “It doesn't matter how you look, you should be satisfied with how you look when you are overweight, be fat positive” etc. etc., and I can see why people might say these things, but are they right? It is so hard for anyone that is overweight in a world where quite often it is seen as wrong. It is seen as ugly and wrong and so much pressure is put on people to look good. We are looking at looks at the moment, not health. Just purely looks. There is a movement at the moment to be proud of being bigger and plus size, and having been this way most of my life, I can see why this movement is there. Whether it's because they find losing weight too difficult, or they are genuinely happy with the way they are, they should be allowed to be the way that they want to be, and be proud of it. I wish in some ways that it had been like this when I was young. To be able to be happy with the way I was. Not really that much overweight, but made to feel that there was something wrong with me.

When I was young, I knew I was bigger than a lot of girls, and a lot of boys weren't interested in me, but I did have boyfriends and I got on with life. Then I met someone who told me I could be so much better if I lost weight. The first time I went to a club to lose weight I was 16 years old, and I weighed 13 stone, the same as I weigh at the moment.

As time went by I got heavier and heavier (all due to bad dieting, I realise now) and the heaviest I got to was twenty-one stone. Now, I was told, from a young, age I was ugly from my mother, and later, from my first husband. Being young, I listened to them and this affected me for a great part of my life. It's funny how I found what they said so much easier to believe then when Steve tells me I am beautiful no matter what I weigh, but that's what many years of brainwashing does to you. So I can understand why this movement is there to be plus size or overweight and want to stay there and be beautiful, and they are. They have a right to be. I worry about their health, but that is the issue they will not see while they are young.

I was healthy when I was young, it was with age that the physical problems started! When I reached my heaviest weight twenty stone plus, I had to lose weight for health reasons. I knew that I needed to lose weight because of diabetes and my joint problems, but towards the end it was the way I looked that really upset me more. I looked, in my opinion, fat and old and I didn't want to look in a mirror or have my photo taken.

Now, was that many years of being told I was ugly, or was it really because I just didn't like the way I looked? I do like the way I look weighing 102 pounds less and a by product is that my diabetes is much better and I have had my first joint replacement. So does it matter how you look? Should you lose weight to look better, or to be healthier? Should you be allowed to be bigger all your life and be proud of who you are? Will your ideas change as you get older and your health may get worse? And if your health does get worse, then whose fault is it? All these questions just go to prove how complicated the weight issue can be.

I think what it all comes down to is someone being allowed, if possible, to work out what is right for them. In today's world of influencers that is not always possible. The pressure is still there for the young, just now in a much wider form than it was for me. I know that for me, all these years later, I have been able to find myself and I know now what is right for me. My health is important, however for my confidence how I look is important too. It is finding the right balance that is important.

I am older now, but looking back I know how other people, and the system, has had such an effect on my life. I am a different person now, and have learnt so much through my life, but for the young, and the ones easily influenced it isn't much different.

Does it matter how you look? That should be up to you, it is your personal choice. Be the best you can be for you because it's you that matters.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD

 15^th October, 2021

I am now at the eight week post-op stage with my hip replacement. It is amazing looking back how much can change in eight weeks. I have started to notice just what the bad hip was doing to me and what has changed. I am still in a lot of pain, but that pain is caused by other health issues. There is a slight improvement to the flexibility in my right leg, which is great. I don't struggle quite as much when sitting on a public toilet (too much information :-)) but it is important in this situation.

I went to the cinema this week with a seated cushion, a v-shaped cushion for my back, crutches, and my walker along with some strong painkillers. That's quite a bit to take, but I went. I did have to get up at one point during the film, but it was so important to me to be doing something “normal”. It is mine and Steve's wedding anniversary on the 16^th and we are hoping to get out together. We have been married seventeen years, together for eighteen, and our wedding anniversary is so important to us.

When you have found the right person, to spend time together is so special, and we enjoy every moment!

I have been thinking about time in oh, so many different ways. When me got married, our first dance was Louis Armstrong's “All the Time in the World” which was also featured in the James Bond film “No Time To Die” which is what we went to see. We didn't know beforehand that the song was going to be featured, though.

We got married in our forties, so we were a lot older than some, but we knew even so that we had all the time left in our future to be together. If would have been so different if we had married young, but time is relative to the situation you are in. Something else that happened to me also made me think about time. I get, for some reason, emails from a weight loss company. I can't think of a better way to describe it without naming them, which I don't want to do. I must have shown an interest way, way back to see what they did and I must still be on their mailing list. They use a very low calorie way of losing weight, which I was not interested in doing. This was the same company that emailed me about being a leader for them , even though I had not used their system to lose weight myself. I am not interested in eating only 600 to 800 calories a day and would not encourage people to do that just for me to earn money. If someone chooses to do this, then that is up to them. I have tried most things in the past, but I am not interested in doing it now. Anyway, this company emailed me about joining a social media group. It interested me for information's sake, and I started to fill in the form with auto fill. Then, when I saw the questions they were asking me about doing this plan I backed out and deleted the email. Later on I discover that they had still added me to the group along with 121 other people that day. I knew I shouldn't have, but I looked at some of the posts in the group and it made me very upset.

People that were so desperate and happy to lose a lot of weight each week by eating non-conventional foods and such low calories. It reminded me of my past and what I had done all for the glory of losing weight and being slimmer and how it has never worked for me. It can't for anyone in the long term. People are so desperate to find the way to lose weight as quickly and in as little time as possible. There is that word time once again. I quickly left the group. I didn't mean to be there, I shouldn't be there, it brought back so many bad, sad, painful memories for me and I needed NOT to be there.

In my experience sometimes you are so desperate to lose weight, because you are so unhappy at the way you look.

For me put that together with  someone who says they love you says how ugly you are (not Steve, I hasten to add), you want to get rid of that weight as quickly as possible, and you will try anything to do it. Someone in “the know” tells you a way, it has quick results, and you do it. Sometimes over and over again. But there you have it once again. In my experience the quicker the weight comes off, the quicker it goes back on, because it is not sustainable and what have you learnt? Nothing. You haven't retrained your brain which can take a very long time. Time someone does not want to spend. However... This time with me it has taken me about twenty months to lose around about 102 pounds. Down a bit, up a bit, around about the same, but roughly one to one and a half pounds a week. How many times have you heard that moan from people at a slimming club which has now become a bit of a joke, “only a pound”! If you lose weight the correct way it can often be only a pound a week. Time passes, no matter what we do, so take it slowly and use every moment to enhance your life and not put yourself under unnecessary pressure.

You won't see instant results and you won't get the compliments so quickly but you stand a much better chance of it working long term. Food, real food, is there to be enjoyed, not demonised. If you really re-educate yourself, you look at what is really important for you and your mind and body. It will take time, but you can achieve your goal in a much more wholesome way. You can, as the saying goes, have your cake, eat it, and still achieve just what you set out to do.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx

I HAVE ALWAYS DONE IT, NOW IT'S FASHIONABLE! :-)

 10^th October, 2021

I turned 63 this year and for as long as I can remember I have bought second hand items. My first memories of buying second hand clothes are back when I must have been 14 or 15 years old. The two things I can remember were a pair of baggy sailors trousers in an army surplus store in Barnsley where I lived and a pair of leather brogue shoes on the second hand market, also in Barnsley. I really loved those trousers. They had the seven creases up the leg, fastened with a flap, and buttons rather than a zip, which I thought was really cool. They also fit me which was a bonus, as I was over weight even back then.

The downside was that they were made of serge material and itched but I didn't care about that as they made me feel so good. I can't remember when I started to shop in charity shops, but it was many years ago. I have never really had much money, so it was a cheap way to find things and, of course, the money spent goes to the charity. Some charities gain more money from this than others, but that is a story for another day. As the years have gone by I have still shopped in these shops even when finances became a little easier, because I love shopping that way. You never know just what you might find, and there is a genuine feeling of pleasure when you find something unique and different for a good price. As I have lost weight, shopping in charity shops has really come into it's own. I could buy smaller clothes without paying a lot of money, which is what I wanted to do as I went through so many clothes sizes as I lost weight. Then, as things got too big for me, I could donate the clothes back so that the charity could gain again as they were resold.

The quality of second hand clothes can be so much better than cheap clothes in the shops and I can often find a one off piece that no one else will have, and, as you may have guessed from reading my blog, I love things that are different. I am able to experiment a bit more with new styles and colours because I am not spending a lot. If I was out in High Street shops I don't think I would be as adventurous with more expensive clothes. I have also been recycling for many years before it became fashionable.

I love fashion and even at 63 I still like to look at the new season's trends. These trends are out there mainly for the younger generation, but there are ways to adapt them to the styles that I like. That is a whole new subject about fashion, trends and the older woman which I feel passionate about, but I will cover this at a later date. Fashion always seemed to be not for the overweight or the older person, but it shouldn't be that way. There is nothing wrong with looking at trends and colours and adapting them for your own personal tastes. As I said earlier, being able to pay so much less for clothing in charity shops has enabled me to experiment with styles and colours and I find it so much fun. I have bought some really lovely things since the shops reopened after lockdown and it has helped me feel so good about myself. Since my hip operation I have not been able to go out shopping much, but all of that is about to change. :-) I look forward to this with great anticipation. I will be back soon to tell you all about it here in my blog.

Until then,

Love, Jackie

xx

I AM NOT DOCTOR GRIFFIN!

 6^th October, 2021

This is not really weight related this time, but it is something that has been on my mind. 6 weeks plus now post-op, I am starting to be able to do so much more. I still get very tired.This I think is because I am trying to do more coupled with not being able to sleep much at night. Thankfully not having to do much during the day, I can cope. I am still positive that as time passes I will be to go out more.

Before I went into hospital, Steve and I realised that I would be extremely limited as to where I would be able to go for quite a few weeks after the operation, so we decided to go out for the day. This was a day for me and him just before the grandchildren visited. Steve was in the middle of decorating at the time, but that could wait, it was important for us to have some time together. The distance we can travel is limited for a few reasons, but we do have certain places we like to go depending on how things are at a particular time, and this day we went to Chesterfield. It has been a very slow process for me to go anywhere for quite a few years, but a little quality time is better than nothing. We do love Chesterfield as it has a good mix of some of the things we like. Good places to eat and drink, charity shops, a record shop, a lovely antique shop with a good tea room, a market, and quite a few accessible toilets. :-) Long story about toilets, which I won't go into here, but it's important none the less.

We had a great day, we didn't stay too long because I was very tired but we managed to see what we wanted to, and I got some charity shop bargains. A washbag I needed for the hospital and a beautiful cream poncho with glittery studs on. We went back to the bus station and as we were waiting for the bus back to Barnsley a man on a mobility scooter passed by us at speed. On the front of his scooter was a sign which read “I am not Dr. Griffin”. I was a little confused, and asked Steve “Who is Dr. Griffin”? Steve replied “He's the Invisible Man in the H.G. Wells novel”. Steve knows more than me about this sort of thing, but it got me thinking. I'm sure it was lost on a lot of people, thinking he was strange at best, but I thought it was a quite intelligent way of expressing how he felt. I am sure it could have started quite a few conversations, even though some people would think it is a daft thing to have on your mobility scooter. I must admit I could see exactly where he was coming from. I walk with the aid of a wheeled walker and there are so many people who don't see me coming. Now, some would argue that as you walk around shopping centres etc. you don't have to constantly watch out for others and they have a responsibility to watch out for you, and I can sort of see this, but some people are more mobile than others. So many times I have had people walk right up to me and not realise until the last second that I am there, which is fine, but then they tut and shake their heads at me because they have to walk around me.

A moan, I know, but it does make things harder, and obviously this gentleman with the mobility scooter had had the same problems. I don't know if I would like to be in the way of a mobility scooter going at speed (and some of them do go very quickly indeed), but I am sure there are arguments from both sides to the matter. The conclusion I came to as I thought about this is I don't want to be invisible. I can't stop people walking into me, we all have things on our minds in our busy lives, but I want to do my best to stand out and be my best.

There are many times in our lives that we start to disappear visually from people when we are out in public. This can be by not being seen or being judged by what we look like. For those of us that are bothered by this, there are two things we can do about it. Ignore what is happening or do something about it. Whether that is pointing it out, like the chap on the mobility scooter, or working on all you can do to boost your confidence to face the outside world the best way you can. I have been thinking about this for a while and just wanted to voice my opinion here in my blog. As I start to get out and about more in public places I am sure I will be looking at things in another light. Hopefully I will get out again very soon and I am sure I will have more to write about as I think I look at things differently since I have lost weight and as I get older.

All for now,

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx 

DO IT FOR YOURSELF, BY YOURSELF

 

2^nd October, 2021

For those of you out there who want to, or are trying to lose weight, why do you want to do it ? Why did you start? I ask this because it's important, you have to know the why to be able to keep going when it gets difficult. Which ever way you decide to do it, it will have it's moments of being hard, but if you know just why you are putting yourself through this , knowing why can really help. If you have a lot of weight to lose it can take quite a while before you feel the benefit, and even longer before other people notice. You need to be able to focus your mind on the task ahead of you. It is worth the effort when the results start to emerge, but once you have got near to the weight you want to be, you definitely have to remind yourself once again why you are doing this. It is so easy when you start to look slimmer and start to get compliments and feel good to slip back into old habits and undo all the good you have done.

For me, in past years when I used to go to a slimming club, I would stop at this stage and try to do it “by myself”. To save money, or because going to the club didn't fit in with what I was doing, they were good enough reasons in my mind, but it never worked out and the weight would creep back on. I personally would then think I had put weight on because I had stopped going to the club and would either then go back to the same club or try a different one if I felt too embarrassed to go back to the original one. I went back to so many different clubs that way. Looking back to those days, I realise I wanted to lose weight, but I don't think it was 1. Really for the right reasons and  2. Put all the responsibility on the club and the latest “magic” diet. For me this just became a time where I felt that I had failed. I hadn't really because what I was doing was not going to help me succeed in the long run. I was trying to lose weight for the wrong reasons and I was following a plan that ultimately was designed not to succeed long term. There is no profit in someone losing weight and never coming back, is there? I have been so guilty in the past for losing weight for someone else or worse because someone told me to. That is not going to work. Going back to how I started this blog, you have to know why you want to lose weight and you have to do it for yourself. It has to be important to you. You are the one who has to decide what you eat and be able to justify to yourself why you have made the choices that you have made. You need to learn how your system works and not depend on a way that may be too rigid or not fit into your lifestyle. If we are prone to gaining weight then we will always be prone to gaining weight, and for long term success we need to find our own way, for us and for no one else.

Having said that, it is lovely when people support you during your journey and comment on your success. When I went to a slimming club meeting I personally loved the praise I got when I lost weight and would do anything during the week to lose weight and get that praise. What I did to make myself lose weight was not always a healthy way to live. To cut the amount of food back so drastically just to get that bit of praise seems so foolish now, but I did it. The emotions and pressure involved in going to a club each week to get on those scales became too much for me. Trying so hard to lose as much weight as I could as quickly as I could became an unhealthy obsession. I would get so upset when I knew I had been 'good' that week and didn't get a good result on those scales. That is one of the reasons I decided to do it by myself. Even if my decision hadn't been made just before lockdown I would still have done it myself because I had to find a way that worked for me without so much pressure. So when I am asked how I have lost 102 pounds I will say, “ I really thought about why I needed to lose weight, I found a way that suited me, and I did it for me. It wasn't easy , but it was well worth the effort I was worth the self care I decided to give myself”.

If we feel we need to lose some weight, we should firstly think about what's right for us and why we really want to change. If change is what you want do you own research and find a healthy lifestyle that's right for you, because we are all worth a little self care .

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx