29th April, 2021
We came to live here in Yorkshire eleven years ago this coming July, and those years have seen ups and downs in many ways, including with my weight down, up and then back down again :-)
As I have said before, I have struggled with the problems excess body weight can cause all my life, health issues, weight stigma, self confidence, etc, etc. I have tried every diet going, weight loss clubs, meal replacements and even hunger supressing drugs that my G.P. at the time prescribed for me. This drug has now been taken off the market / prescribing register and I don't like to think now what that could have done to my system, apart from assisting me to lose weight. Whether it did help I have my doubts, and even if it did help, it certainly didn't teach me to keep it off!
That was in 2002/3 and I did actually lose 10 stones. By the time I'd met my second husband, got married and moved back to Yorkshire in 2010, all the weight had come back on, as it did the first time I lost weight up here. It happens, and if we do not learn how to change our mindset it will happen again and again. Hopefully this time I have succeeded and changed my mindset. We will see!
Back in 2010, as I said, I had put back on the 10 stone I had lost in 2002/3, but I was happy. New marriage, a new life and a short lived contentment. Now, at that time I had a denim skirt. Not only did it fit me, but I felt good in it. Every time I wore it, and I wore it a lot, I felt so good. When you feel that good, you can take on the world, or at least that's the way it feels. By 2013 my health had declined, and with the birth of our grandson I tried once again to lose weight, this time through a N.H.S. weight loss group. As I lost weight my lovely denim skirt got way too big for me. I moved on to other things to wear and my denim skirt was put away somewhere, I know not where now. Of course the weight crept back on again, and my health declined even more. Not only did my diabetes get worse, but the many years of pain with my arthritis started. As I have said in previous blogs, I also suffered from depression, hitting rock bottom in 2019. I decided enough was enough and I had to finally, once and for all, do something about not just my weight, but more importantly my health. In part my depression had been triggered by weight stigma, which I have had all my life, and not being listened to.
When you feel down and your self-esteem is low it is so hard to fight back. In the second part of this blog I will talk about the many times that weight stigma has affected me, and how now at last it is starting to be addressed. During 2019 I definitely did not feel as good as I did when I had my denim skirt. The same weight, the same look, but no confidence. It had all gone. Now, I know that a skirt doesn't possess any magical powers, but recently I have looked back to those times and realised that it doesn't matter what you look like and what size you are, if you feel good about yourself, then the confidence is there. It's only when it all begins to go wrong that things turn bad. Now that I have lost weight again and i have a new found love of fashion and how I look, I have been thinking about that denim skirt and looking at photos of me wearing it.
Goodness knows where it is now, but... last week I was looking around one of my favourite charity shops and lo and behold there was, in my size and at the right length, a denim skirt. I just had to buy it, if only for old time's sake. Perhaps I will have as many happy memories wearing this skirt as I did my old one, which was a UK size 26. This one is a UK size 16 and I'll definitely settle for that! :-)
I am still thinking about the past and learning from it, and as I have already said the next blog will cover weight stigma and how it has affected my life in so many different ways.
So, until next time,
Love, Jackie
xx
PS. I haven't mentioned the book in the title. I will, in the next blog.
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