15th April, 2021
I have been putting my weight loss thoughts down in my blog for just over a year now, since I made the decision to start writing it again. What a year it has been, with Coronavirus and, here in the U.K., lockdowns. Things are now finally starting to change and hopefully we will soon return to some kind of normality – whatever that is! I have continued to feel very tired and lethargic. Not being able to sleep well at night because of the pain I'm in does not help, but hopefully that will get better later this year when I have had my joint replacements. I do try to stay as positive as I can but I have found it so hard to motivate myself to write. Writing my blog has become a habit and it really troubles me when I want to write, but can't make the effort to do it. It shouldn't matter, after all I make no profit from it, but it does. It has always been my way of clearing my mind of the thoughts that are spinning around in there, and it helps me to make sense of things.
When something becomes a habit it becomes a part of your life. Absorbed into your daily living, part of you and you know it's the right thing to do for you. It's the same with food and what you eat. I love food, good food, and it has always been part of my life. Some of my earliest memories are about food. Coming home from school and always having a home cooked meal waiting there, cooked by my Grandma.
I have covered this before, but we lived with my Grandparents and I am so grateful to them for being there for me. How I wish they could be here now, so I could chat to them and ask them all the questions I have, now that I am an adult with my own family. My Grandad was brought up by his mother after his father and sister both died when he was very young. My Grandma was one of fourteen children, not all of whom lived to adulthood, so both of them had no money growing up. My Grandad was a coal miner all his life, starting his working life at just 12 years old and retiring at 65 years of age. There was never really a lot of money about as I grew up, but the food was always good. My brother and my mother also lived there, but my mother worked full time and had a very busy social life, so I don't really remember a lot from that time except what I talked about in a previous blog.
I went on to study catering when I left school, and then met my first husband which started my long, long love of Indian food. I was fortunate enough to learn to cook Indian food from people who cooked at home in the authentic way. I even went on at one point to teach Indian cookery in Adult Education, which is something I really loved. To be able to not only teach students how to cook good food, but also to have the opportunity to talk about the ethos and the culture of the country I love was great, and added to the depth of the experience.
What has been really great over the years is to know people from all over the world and have the chance to eat beautiful home cooked food from many regions. Food is so important in so many cultures and knowing the history behind the dishes and the importance around them and how they evolved truly does enhance the experience.
Being able to eat food in so many different and diverse places, from a very basic home (a hut actually) up to a top class hotel or two :-) has truly made some lovely memories. Put all this together with the 90 odd cookery books in my collection, it is clear that food has always been a big. big part of my life.
So imagine what it's like to have that love quashed! Taken away because all of a sudden you have to follow a strict diet regime that dictates just what you can – and can't – eat. Quite often not taking into account your lifestyle, culture and the way you live your life. When this regime takes over your brain and it becomes such a worry or concern if you go off plan at any time when life gets in the way as it so often does. From my past experience, it is clear that this kind of eating is not going to last long. Can you think of a certain industry that makes large profits because of this?
In the past, my love of food in all forms has been taken away from me because of a weight loss diet. I couldn't look at my books, watch food programmes on the TV, and cut out all the food I loved because I would become obsessed – even over-obsessed – with weight loss, and was afraid to even look at food in case I cheated and didn't lose weight.
That is why this time – my last attempt – things had to change. I had to find a way to not only incorporate foods I loved to eat but prevent myself getting obsessed with that needle on the scales. I have not become superhuman this year and it has not always been easy but I am getting there.You have to make changes, but they have to the right changes. You have to learn how to be flexible with food and really look at what you are eating and why. Do you really need something, or not? And if you do – then have it! It can be done and I really feel now that I am nearly there. What I choose to eat and where and when is now becoming a habit. I eat food because I want to, not because I have to, and the fear of putting on weight is beginning to subside. Yes, I may put a few pounds on, and if my clothes start to get a bit tight I have to notice that and do something about it. At the end of the day, it's all about health and being at peace with yourself. Anything that takes away totally what you love can not be good. There is a compromise and it is a compromise that is working for me.
See you next time.
Until then,
Love Jackie
xx
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