19th November 2020
These are confusing times for so many different reasons. Some things are beyond our control, and some things are controllable if we can get our heads around them. Although a small thing in the greater scheme of things, my weight loss is still causing me a lot of food for thought (if you'll excuse the pun). Up to now I have lost 6 stone and 4 pounds (that's 88 lbs). My orthopaedic specialist wanted me to get my BMI down to 35 to 37, which is around 15 stone, which I did and since then I have lost another stone (14 lbs). Now, at the middle of November I find my weight loss is slowing down and now I have stayed at the same weight for the last two weeks. Not a big deal, really, however I feel for me it is a really dangerous time where I must not lose motivation and slip back into old habits. I don't really thnk I will, but the fear is there, sitting in part of my brain and comes to the front of my thinking now and again, especially in moments when things around me are quiet. I have not been well this week, with balance and vertigo problems, and I have had a lot of time on my hands to think about it more than usual.
Where my confusion arises is if my weight loss has stopped, then what do I do next? When I have looked at why people lose weight there seems to be three groups of “slimmers”. A group who are usually within a normal weight range that want to lose weight for a special occasion; a group who have more to lose, who want to to do it to look better or for health reasons and often join a group or club for weight loss and are given a target weight; and a group that are seriously obese who are 25 stones or more and often need medical intervention to help them do this, and are still given a healthy weight target to get to.
Now each of these groups can reach their targets, but when you are read that 19 out of 20 weight loss diets fail, you realise it's not losing weight that is the only problem, it's also keeping that weight off.
I knew this without reading it, for I have gained and lost weight many times and that is how the slimming industry has continually made money over the years since the late 1950s.
I have tried to prepare myself, if that's at all possible, for the moment this time when I had to start to maintain my weight. I have never got to this stage in the forty-six years I have had issues with my weight. I have either been losing weight aiming for a target, or putting weight back on.
I find myself now aware that my weight has plateaued and the fear of it coming back on is so real in my mind. I have dreams of waking up and finding myself a size 24 again. Stupid, I know, but that's the mind for you and as much as you know ther are bigger problems in the world the fear, the silly fear, the unjustified fear is still sitting there in my mind.
I have to spend sometime with myself and give myself a good shake to get myself through this. I have come through such hard things in my life that I will not let this get me down.
I eat a healthy diet. I do have times when my calorific intake is slightly higher than it should be, but this is a normal way of eating. I refuse to cut my calories down to a silly unrealistic amount as I have done in the past. That is not the way I want to live my life. I can't really up my exercise levels greatly because of my health problems. So I was not really sure where I stood and it was really bothering me.
After a lot of thought I have decided for the time being that I am going to accept myself at the stage I am at. I reached the level I need to be at for my operation, and more besides, and I am beginning to like the way I look. Perhaps it's time now (earlier than I originally thought) to learn how to maintain the weight I am. It's all a new experience for me, but I know I can do it, and it will take a lot of the pressure from me of feelings of learnt behaviour that have been with me for many years. When I have done this through Christmas and the New Year I will then assess where I want to go from there. So watch this space, and we will see what happens next.
All for now,
Love Jackie
xx
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