BEING DIFFERENT

 

14^th November, 2020

Being different can mean so many different things to so many different people.

When I was young I felt different. Not in the beginning because I was fat, that came in the years to follow, but because my parents were divorced and my mother was only 17 years older than me. That might seem strange now, but back in the 1960s and 70s it was not so common. I have mentioned before a memory of one of my first parent/teacher days and my mother coming into school wearing a blue mini dress with red spots, quite low cut with a ruff around the neck line and a brown fur coat, flaming red hair and immaculate make-up. I remember the looks she got as her high heels tapped down the school corridor. She must have been about 29 years old then, but she looked so young compared to all the other children's mothers. She was different, so I was different, because of the way I was treated and because of the way she lived her life.

I had no control over that and quite often we have no choice in not being the same. I married my first husband, who is a Punjabi Sikh, because I loved him. He was not the same as other people I had met and I loved that, and even today after a 22 year abusive marriage and being divorced for 18 years I am still grateful for the travelling I did, the people I met, the different cultural experiences I have had and the two beautiful children that we had together. I was aware when my children were born they would be perceived as “different” and I have done my best to bring them up to be aware and proud of who they are. They, like many, can not change who they are. They are who they are even though it is not always understood by those around them. A story for someone else to write, but there are so many others who for so many reasons who are also treated differently because they are not the same as the ones who judge them for who they are. With me it has been being fat all my life, often bigger than the norm. Not only have I been criticised for being big I have been made to feel second best and lazy and unworthy for not making myself thin. Not only by the medical profession, but in the past by people who claimed to love me. I am with my second husband now, who has always loved me for who I am, not what I look like. But the damage of the past is still not easy to heal.

To not feel when you are with other women that you are not attractive enough because they smaller than you or not getting the medical treatment you need because the medical practitioner thinks you are overweight, are hard things to come to terms with and evoke so many feelings. There are so many people we come across in our lives who are different, whether it is visible the minute you see them or as you get to know them. Whichever way it is that person deserves the same respect as you would expect others to give to you.

Differences should be celebrated but I fear we have a long way to go still.

Until next time, love to you all,

Jackie

xx