Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

Sunday 10^th May, 2020

This blog was written on Friday, but it now seems very apt as it goes to print on Sunday as we have just learnt what will happen to our lives in the next few months – or haven't, depending on how you look at it.

I have so many feelings going through my head at the moment, but I will write more about them in my next blog.

I have been thinking about fear quite a lot recently, especially with the current situation.

There are a lot of people out there that are afraid of living this new life that has been imposed upon us. Some are frightened of what may happen. Will we be able to get the supplies we need, food, toilet rolls, etc. What will happen as the lockdown is relaxed, will we get the virus? Will our families get it? Will we lose loved ones? What will happen if the virus comes back?

All these things cause fear and anxiety in a situation that is new to us all, but most of us have had to cope with many different fears and anxieties during our life. Some serious, some not so serious. Some we could cope with and some not so easy to overcome.

Fear is a natural reaction caused by threat or danger, pain or harm. But it can also be learnt, situations can occur that continue to make us frightened. Bad experiences that continue to affect us as we continue with our life.

These fears can inhibit our life and cause great anxiety when they raise their head, be it a fear of heights, flying, spiders – there are many and the list is long. When they become so strong it may inspire us to try and do something about them, but that is not easy.

Hearing people's fears on TV and social media made me think about the fears that I have and have had and how I have started to learn how to cope with them. I came up with six that have had an impact on my life and some on my mental health.

Here are the six I have identified that needed to be addressed to help me move forward with my life.

1. FEAR OF FACING LIFE, PRESENT AND FUTURE.
   This is a fear of not knowing what will happen. It is the unknown, but how can I be afraid of something that hasn't and may not happen? Really all I can do is look at each situation and prepare for whatever occurs. Not easy, I know, but at least with plan A, B, C and possibly D I may be able to act and conquer the fear.
2. FEAR OF FAILING
   I am a perfectionist, and hate to get things wrong, even though it may not even be wrong. All I can try to do is do my best. If I truly know that I have done my best, that's all I can do.
3. FEAR OF BEING JUDGED
   This is a great fear for me. Having been judged for years in the past and being told something was bad, wrong, ugly, dirty, or just not good enough, it has created a fear of what people think. It shouldn't matter what people think and if they love me they will accept me for who I am, warts and all.
4. FEAR OF UPSETTING OTHERS
   I hate to upset anyone and am terrified of hurting them. This fear, however, can stop me putting things right and sorting situations out and then because of this the situation will keep raising it's ugly head, with no solution. I stayed in an abusive and unhappy marriage for 22 years because of this. Facing that fear was one of the best and bravest things I have done, but I still felt bad for hurting the man I loved and feared I would hurt a lot more people, even though it was the best thing for me and the children.
5. FEAR OF TAKING SUPPORT WHEN IT IS OFFERED
   This is a strange one. I am only just beginning to realise this fear. Because there were so many times in my past when I have had no one to help me with really bad situations I had to learn to deal with them myself. Because of this, and being let down in the past I have a fear of trusting people and any help or support they offer in case I get hurt again.
6. A FEAR OF GETTING WEIGHED
   This fear comes from my fear of not losing weight and the fear of being told off, shouted at or being punished in the past, and, of course, my fear of failure. Since January last year I have only got weighed at the Doctors twice in six months, and then every four weeks once I started seeing the dietician. Of course then came the Lockdown and we had to buy a set of scales. Now I get weighed every two weeks at home, and once it's done the scales are put away out of sight. When I weigh myself and I have lost weight I feel great, but the fear of not losing is still there.

So these, and naturally the current situation, are my fears. The things that bother me raise their heads in the middle of the night, and could, if I let them, have a big impact on my life.

I am, at the moment looking at ways of addressing these fears and trying different things to see what is best for me, to become stronger and able to deal with whatever happens. We will see over time what happens, as I always say it's a work in progress.

You may wonder why I chose the title I did this time. Well, I discovered that “Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia” is the fear of long words! :-) I have always tried to use simple language when I write and am not one for using big or complicated words. I don't always feel there is a need. So I know that is one fear I don't have, or at least I don't think I have! :-)

See you next time,

Jackie

xx