17th May
2020
There seem to be so many negatives around at the moment and that
means a constant fight to be positive.
I have found it quite a hard week and my mind is a little cloudy
about my weight loss journey.
I know inside that I have to do it and what the reasons are, but that
doesn't automatically make it easier.
The reasons to do things do not always feel stronger than the reasons
not to do them.
I decided to look back at my previous blog posts since I started
writing it back in 2014. It seems such a long time ago now but even
though they still ring true as to how I felt then, I can see in some ways
how much my thinking has changed.
The blog title came from the fact I had over a 100 pounds to lose and
at the time I didn't know if I could do it. I felt like a racehorse
that didn't stand a chance in a race and had odds of 100 to 1, hence
the title 100fromone.
I did go on to lose those one hundred pounds, plus a bit more, but as
we know for many reasons they went back on.
I am not the only one that this has happened to, by far, but this
didn't stop me from feeling a failure.
Coming to terms with this when I looked at weight loss again a year
ago was something I had to address big time.
It had to be done for health reasons. I was at rock bottom and in
pain and could not carry on the way I was.
What I did know was that I seriously had to also look at the
reasons I always put the weight back on and think about having to
change them.
I know as I am getting older (I am 62 this year), I really cannot
afford to have my weight reach the level it does.
When I have lost weight before, I have done it very rapidly. For me
this was great, seeing results very quickly and getting praise from
family, friends and even strangers that had noticed. It was lovely,
but deep down inside I was not really happy. There were still so many
insecurities in my head. I hated seeing all the loose skin which made
me feel ugly and I never really adjusted to being thin. I still used
food as a crutch and when the problems of life occurred, as they do,
used food to make me feel happy or used food as a treat.
So back last year I did a lot of thinking. Thinking about how
important it was to help myself feel better and also how I could do
it differently. I wasn't, and am not, an expert, but I read a lot,
looked at other people's stories and started very slowly to put some
kind of plan loosely together What had I to lose, but weight? :-)
Back last year I started again, weighing 20 stone plus, far too much
for my health issues and for getting the surgery I really did need,
even though I had convinced myself I didn't. It was all too much hard
work.
So here I was, starting to look at this.
Trying to be positive was a start, looking at what I could do, not at what I couldn't.
Now the title of this post mentions dancing, singing, laughing and
eating.
These are four things I love to do. I am always singing, but as my
children would tell you, I don't do it very well but that's never
stopped me.
Dancing is one of my all time loves and you would always see me on
the dance floor when I got the chance, but because of the arthritus
and back pain it's not easy now, as is the same with exercise.
Laughing is something I can do, but I must admit it's not always easy
at times when you are feeling down.
Now food, and good food, is my passion. I love cooking and have over
100 cookery books, it's always been my interest as I have said
before. Good food and food from all over the world.
Now when I started to lose weight before, I stopped looking at my
cookery books, stopped watching TV programs about food and stopped
thinking about the food I enjoyed. I didn't learn to live with it. I
knew this time that things had to be different.
I had to try and live with the things I loved to do and make them fit
some way into my life if I was going to even think about succeeding –
even the singing :-)
My weight loss this time has been very slow. A year later I am just
below 17 stone but I will plod along, getting there and learning all
the time.
I hope to share with you some of my experiances and some of the
things I have learnt. Hopefully this time I will get there and stay
there.
It is, as I often say, a work in progress.
Until next time,
Jackie
xx
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