AS ONE DOOR TRIES TO CLOSE, ANOTHER ONE TRIES TO OPEN

 

8^th December, 2021

I enjoy writing so much. I have been told by someone I respect a lot that I should write more, and I am seriously considering doing just that, but until then I have my blog. As someone who overthinks too much, writing helps me to clear my mind. I have written before about my past and how I was continually put down, told I was fat and ugly and that I was no good at anything that I did, and that stays with you. Even today when Steve tells me all the time that I am beautiful, that he loves me and that I do do things well, that little voice inside my head is still there and that can be harder to deal with.

When it's a person, once that person is not there and the input is gone, that voice moves to your head, it's your head and it becomes harder to ignore. I find writing helps to silence that voice and clear my mind.

As much as it is not always easy to find the motivation and the time to write, I know that it really helps me. That is, once I sit down and actually do it. Like I said earlier, someone who I respect has told me that there is a writer within me, and I should write.

Now, there is a big part of me saying “they would say that wouldn't they. They say that to everyone. They are just being kind and don't really mean it”, but if I do like writing then does that really matter? Any writing I do is for me, but if I did have someone supporting me then that is a bonus. Someone who is successful in their own right and has nothing to gain has been supportive to someone who they really don't have a personal connection with... FOR GOODNESS SAKE, JACKIE, just take it and run with it. What do you have to lose – and for once I am not talking about weight! :-) So we will see what happens.

I have no idea how I want to do this or the best way to go about it, but I will try and we'll see where it takes me. At the very least these memories, experiences and ideas will be documented, and a part of me will be here for a very long time. The task is daunting, but a journey can never start unless you take that first tentative step.

I often talk about getting older and not being taken notice of and how you begin to disappear and become irrelevant, so let's see how much I can or can't change that. I will still carry on writing about weight loss, how it affects people and it's culture and the industry that surrounds it all, but I will also experiment with other ways of expressing myself.

We will see what happens and where this takes me. I have nothing to lose and potentially so much to gain that isn't weight.

Watch this space. Who knows what might fill it.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx