Friday, 3rd April.
Here we are at the start of a new month. What a week it has been, not as sunny and warm as last week and my motivation is at a low.
I love writing once I get going, and I am fine while I am doing it, but once I finish I always worry. I am not a trained writer in any way, and only did CSE/O-Level at school - a few years ago now.
I have retrained to do many things in my life, and I worry that I am not doing this right, but it comes from my heart. I will do my best to make things interesting and hopefully helpful to those who read it.
So there I was coming to the end of 2015 and in a lot of pain with my knee. I could hardly walk, which was my main form of exercise, and the weight was on it's way back.
In August I went for an X-Ray and the radiographer said to me "Where is your knee?"
At the time we laughed about it and said if he doesn't know where my knee is, God help him! It was only much later I found out that there was no knee as such as it had worn away and that must have been what he meant.
I went to see a specialist at the beginning of 2016 as it had been discovered I had developed osteoarthritis in my right knee and that is when my situation really got worse.
In a nutshell, by then my weight had risen. I am not sure by how much, but nowhere near what it had been at my highest. The specialist, though, did not want to know. Afterward, when I went to see my GP, she said technically he has written you off.
So there I was, in pain and "written off" because I had put back on maybe four of the ten stone I had previously lost.
For the next few years I struggled on in pain, attempting to put things in place to try to help myself, but still putting weight back on all the time.
Those years have now all become a bit of a blur as I slipped into a situation where I felt sorry for myself. I didn't want to do anything, eat healthily, dress nicely or look after myself at all.
By the start of 2019 it had really got to the stage where I couldn't take the pain anymore. My mobility had got worse and worse and it was aggravating the other health problems I have. The GP referred me to a physiotherapist which really didn't help me at all.
It's a long story, but by the end of 2019, both my physical and mental health were at an all time low. I felt I had not been treated with any respect by some in the medical profession. It took a very long time before I saw anyone that could help me.
The GP I had started seeing at this time was very supportive and that helped me a lot. On another positive note, I had managed to see a dietician and my weight had started to fall again, but very, very slowly. However, I was still feeling very down, everything was a struggle. I really didn't care what I looked like, didn't want to go out of the house, and had lost interest in most things.
Then, in February this year, I finally got to see a different orthopedic specialist at Barnsley District General Hospital and what a difference!
He treated me with so much respect and dignity and made me feel human again. By now I was at the stage where I would need two knee replacements and a new hip, which would have to be done first. He decided if I continued to lose weight he would see me again in August and then, hopefully, do the hip operation.
I was elated, he had treated my situation with care and respect and finally I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to lose 2 to 3 stone by August, that's six months, and I would do my best to achieve it.
Then came March, and as they the rest is history! In these strange times we now live in, can I carry on and do it? It's not an easy at the best of times, but it is something I have to do, to not be in so much pain. I will have to do my best, I have my family behind me, I have my blog, and with your support I WILL do it!
Jackie.
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