12th April 2020
Back in January last year my weight was back to 20 stone plus, and as well as the pain from the arthritus I was having problems with my diabetes. My blood sugar was really high and I decided to see my GP.
In July my blood sugars levels were still high, and I was waiting to see a dietician to see if we could go over what I was eating and make some changes.
In October I finally got to see the dietician, and I found out my weight had come down to just under 19 stone, so I had lost some myself.
The thing is I do know, having trained in catering, and later as a beauty therapist,, about nutrition and what I should eat.
I have been trying to lose weight since I was 16 and met my first husband. My problem was more than food. It was not just what went on in my stomach, it was also what went on in my head. The dietician recommended I see someone who is a food councelor/psychologist who I was due to see in April this year, but due to the current situation it has been put on hold, but I am carrying on the best I can.
I have been watching "My 600 lb Life" on the TV and the one I saw this week the chap died. He had been on a lot of pain-killers which they stopped. He tried so hard but his body couldn't take the strain. The doctor on the programme said that if he been given support before, and not just pain-killers, he may have survived, but his body just gave up.
My point is, that so many times when people try to lose weight, it is only food that is addressed. The "good foods" and the "bad foods", but what is it that makes us "cheat"?
We are all different, and food affects us in different ways. With me, food in my life has been associated with so many things. Treats, punishment, self-control, self-worth, failure... the list goes on.
So many times in my life thinking about food and how much to eat has caused me so much pressure and sometimes it was just easier not to think about it and put the weight back on.
I decided that this time things would have to be different.
I have to stop being obsessive about my weight. I had to stop feeling that I had to lose weight as quickly as possible and I have to address what it is that makes me think that way.
It has not been easy up to now, and I am still finding it a struggle, but hopefully in the end it will all be worth it. I have not banned any foods, I try to be aware of what I am eating and I watch my portion sizes. The foods that have high sugar and fat content have to be limited, but I am trying to normalise my relationship with food.
I don't know if this way will work, but up to now I have lost weight. Since January last year I have lost 3 stone. It is coming off very slowly which at first I found very frustrating, but if I am to change things for good, it is what it is. A whole new learning curve for me, but a new way had to be found.
So, let's see how it goes, as we continue with uncertain times, but hopefully this time I'll crack it!
Jackie
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