16th
April 2020
Well, the Easter holidays and Vaisakhi are over...
Both festivals have meant something to us as a family for many years. My first husband is a Sikh and I have done my best to bring my two children up understanding and enjoying both cultures and religions and be proud of who they are.
I live about 250 miles from my family, so to not be able to get together and celebrate with them this year has been hard, but everyone is in the same boat at the moment, whether we live hundreds of miles away or just two or three.
I have always been close to my children and love the sense of family. It has not always been easy as the situation we were in a few years back was definitely not the norm, but as a mother I would hope that I have been, and always will be, there when they need me.
I never really had that support when I was growing up, and this is where I feel my weight problems started.
I was born in 1958, a big bouncing baby. My mother was 17 years old, and my father nearly 20. They married in the January and I was born in July. So you can work out the maths! I was about 13 years old before I did! :-)
I don't remember much about the early years, but every photo I look at shows a chubby child. My mother once told me that I was always hungry, from bottles of milk through to food and there was always good food at home.
Later, when I lived with my Grandparents, I do remember the food being so good. my grandmother was one of 14 children and food was always filling with lots of potatoes, pastry, bread, dumplings and Yorkshire puddings.
My first real memory of my weight really affecting me was as I came to the end of my junior school years and the start of senior school.
It seems these days that children at such an early age think about what they look like, I know my grandchildren do, but back then it was not the same.
As I got to the age of 11, I began to realise how difficult it was to get clothes to fit. I was round about a size 16-18 and they were all adult clothes. School uniform was a nightmare. We could only get it from one shop and when it did fit it was too long and the arms covered my hands.
I was bullied at junior school and this continued through senior school and this did nothing for my self-confidence.
It was really hard to understand why I was the way I was and why anyone would have a problem with this. I was a good person, so why were they so unkind?
By this time my parents had separated and, as I have said, we went to live with my grandparents.
Being a single parent these days is accepted far more, but in those days it wasn't. So as well as being bullied for my weight, I was also bullied because my parents weren't together.
My memory of my mother is that of a very beautiful, slim woman and of course, as I said before, she was only 17 years older than me. I remember her coming to a parent's day at the school once, dressed up so glamorously with full make up, hair done, short skirt and a fur coat. She was a very impressive woman, but that didn't really help my self-esteem, when I was fat and dumpy and I was bullied for the way she looked and I looked.
To be fair, she did try to put me on a diet, but back in the 60s we really didn't have much idea.
I was beginning to realise that boys were not really interested in me. My friends all started to get boyfriends, but no-one paid much attention to the "fat friend" and my confidence went down and down. I still remember the pain of that even now when I think about it.
I started catering college at 16 and for a few months I started to feel a little happier. I was away from school, I was starting a career with food which I loved, and the people in the class were really nice to me.
Then my world changed.
I lived and grew up in Yorkshire. My mother had remarried and was now living in the South of England. She decided she wanted me living with her. She was expecting, and I feel she wanted me there to help her.
She took me away from the grandparents that I loved, the college where I had started to make friends and forced me to start all over again in a new place where I knew no-one.
I started a catering course in Farnborough, but once again I was the fat girl in the class, but this time the one with the funny accent.
So there I was, very quiet, lacking self-confidence, feeling ugly and thinking there was no hope for me. Then, one day while I was at my weekend job, a man started to show me some attention.
He was a handsome man and he was interested in me! I could hardly believe it, but it was true.
That's how the next 26 years of my life started and the battle of weight, confidence and self-esteem continued.
We will leave it there for another day...
Jackie
xx
Well, the Easter holidays and Vaisakhi are over...
Both festivals have meant something to us as a family for many years. My first husband is a Sikh and I have done my best to bring my two children up understanding and enjoying both cultures and religions and be proud of who they are.
I live about 250 miles from my family, so to not be able to get together and celebrate with them this year has been hard, but everyone is in the same boat at the moment, whether we live hundreds of miles away or just two or three.
I have always been close to my children and love the sense of family. It has not always been easy as the situation we were in a few years back was definitely not the norm, but as a mother I would hope that I have been, and always will be, there when they need me.
I never really had that support when I was growing up, and this is where I feel my weight problems started.
I was born in 1958, a big bouncing baby. My mother was 17 years old, and my father nearly 20. They married in the January and I was born in July. So you can work out the maths! I was about 13 years old before I did! :-)
I don't remember much about the early years, but every photo I look at shows a chubby child. My mother once told me that I was always hungry, from bottles of milk through to food and there was always good food at home.
Later, when I lived with my Grandparents, I do remember the food being so good. my grandmother was one of 14 children and food was always filling with lots of potatoes, pastry, bread, dumplings and Yorkshire puddings.
My first real memory of my weight really affecting me was as I came to the end of my junior school years and the start of senior school.
It seems these days that children at such an early age think about what they look like, I know my grandchildren do, but back then it was not the same.
As I got to the age of 11, I began to realise how difficult it was to get clothes to fit. I was round about a size 16-18 and they were all adult clothes. School uniform was a nightmare. We could only get it from one shop and when it did fit it was too long and the arms covered my hands.
I was bullied at junior school and this continued through senior school and this did nothing for my self-confidence.
It was really hard to understand why I was the way I was and why anyone would have a problem with this. I was a good person, so why were they so unkind?
By this time my parents had separated and, as I have said, we went to live with my grandparents.
Being a single parent these days is accepted far more, but in those days it wasn't. So as well as being bullied for my weight, I was also bullied because my parents weren't together.
My memory of my mother is that of a very beautiful, slim woman and of course, as I said before, she was only 17 years older than me. I remember her coming to a parent's day at the school once, dressed up so glamorously with full make up, hair done, short skirt and a fur coat. She was a very impressive woman, but that didn't really help my self-esteem, when I was fat and dumpy and I was bullied for the way she looked and I looked.
To be fair, she did try to put me on a diet, but back in the 60s we really didn't have much idea.
I was beginning to realise that boys were not really interested in me. My friends all started to get boyfriends, but no-one paid much attention to the "fat friend" and my confidence went down and down. I still remember the pain of that even now when I think about it.
I started catering college at 16 and for a few months I started to feel a little happier. I was away from school, I was starting a career with food which I loved, and the people in the class were really nice to me.
Then my world changed.
I lived and grew up in Yorkshire. My mother had remarried and was now living in the South of England. She decided she wanted me living with her. She was expecting, and I feel she wanted me there to help her.
She took me away from the grandparents that I loved, the college where I had started to make friends and forced me to start all over again in a new place where I knew no-one.
I started a catering course in Farnborough, but once again I was the fat girl in the class, but this time the one with the funny accent.
So there I was, very quiet, lacking self-confidence, feeling ugly and thinking there was no hope for me. Then, one day while I was at my weekend job, a man started to show me some attention.
He was a handsome man and he was interested in me! I could hardly believe it, but it was true.
That's how the next 26 years of my life started and the battle of weight, confidence and self-esteem continued.
We will leave it there for another day...
Jackie
xx
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