25th September, 2021
Today it is five weeks since I had my hip replacement surgery, and when you look back on it, that time seems to have passed by quickly. I say look back on, because time seemed to go very slowly when I was in a lot of pain, but I am pleased now that pain is not as intense as it was. I still have pains, and perhaps will have for quite a while, but the pain from the operation has settled. What was definitely difficult to cope with was having to spend a long period of time just here in the house. Before the op what I could do was limited, but at least I could get out now and then. I have to have a sense of purpose and things to look forward to, and this operation took all that away from me in the short term. Having said that, since I wrote my last blog I have tried to be far more positive. I am now trying to eat in a more healthy way with less processed sugar, and I don't feel as bloated. On those terrible things that have numbers and a dial, I have lost 2 lbs and the dress I got for the wedding just fits me. I really could do with losing another half a stone (7 lbs) before the wedding for comfort, but I am heading in the right direction.
I was reminded when I tried the dress on just how the right clothes can help you feel so much better. I bought the dress online in the sale during lockdown last year, so it was always a bit of a risk, but I really do love that dress. It's lacy and a beautiful shade of green and when I put it on I smile when I look in the mirror. Part of that is because I look in it, but a bigger part is because of the colour. I love colour. Years ago I wore nothing much more than black partly because, looking back, I was not happy with myself and partly because I was large and wanted to make myself look smaller or disappear. Now, here's the thing, if you are not feeling your best and you wear black it is not going to make you feel any better. Also, if you are as large as I was back then, nothing you wear is going to really make you look smaller. What you are is what you are. A size 26 is a size 26 whatever colour it is! I only really started to wear more colour after losing weight in 2001 after my divorce and meeting Steve in 2003. Colour then very slowly became part of my wardrobe. I read something on the internet a few weeks ago. I can't remember all of it, but what I do remember was a girl saying if they are going to stare at me then I will give them something to stare at. It was in the context, I think, that people stared at this young girl because she was disabled and so she decided to wear the bright colours that she wanted to wear. Not to disappear into the background, but say proudly “Here I am! This is me, looking like I want to look!”
I remember thinking what a wonderful person to think this way. I want to be more like that. As I come out of this period of time stuck at home, I want to have the motivation to think about what I am going to wear when I go out. To put thought into my clothes. Always incorporating colour and the right accessories to go with my outfit, whether I am going out for the day, or just down into the village where we live. I want to feel the best that I can and if people do stare, I hope I am giving them something to think about.
Wearing the colours you feel good in can make a whole lot of difference to how you face your day. As we go into Autumn/Winter what we need is some internal sunshine to give us all a boost, and a simple burst of colour can help us to do this. Some of my time at home has been spent, when I can, slowly sorting out my clothes, putting my Summer things away and looking at what I need to add to the things I wear as the weather gets colder.
I feel motivated to move into the next few weeks with anticipation and excitement as to what I may find when I start to look for those things I need. I also look forward to writing about any charity shop finds I make, as I have so missed being able to visit the many shops we love to go to.
So, until next time,
Love, Jackie
xx
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