9th January, 2021
Well, here we are. 2020 has just left and 2021 crept in, in a new and strange way. Many things are different, but what is still the same is the idea of a New Year, a new you – whatever that means to the individual. In the last few days, diets, losing weight, not dieting and diets that don't work seem to be trending on social media in one way or another. This happens every year, year in, year out, but for some of us it is just carrying on with something we have already started. One thing is for sure. I know why I had to start my weight loss journey this time for my health and the surgery I need, but there were many times in the past that I really did not know why I should lose weight. I didn't know that at the time, but it has become very clear to me this time when I have really thought about things in a very different way.
Knowing why you are doing something is always a good start, but how often do we really know, or find some kind of justification as to why we are doing it even when it doesn't feel completely right.
I realise now that when I lost weight when I was younger, I didn't really know why. It was all for the wrong reasons. By the time I was twenty years old I was living with my ex-husband and really had lost any independence that I had had. I had no family nearby, and I didn't really have any friends. I was, without realising it, very gullible. That's very common for someone in a controlling situation. There was nobody to advise or help me and I don't even know at that stage if I would have listened to anyone. My then boyfriend, later husband ( ex ) had complete control. It seems so strange looking back now at those times. I really feel for anyone that is in a controlling, abusive relationship and at the stage where they don't even realise what is happening to them, and possibly even at a later stage when it is so difficult to escape. Everyone else thinks that the problem is with you, because your partner is such a charmer and everyone thinks that they are such a wonderful person.
“What happens behind closed doors” as the saying goes, but what I will say is that time and actions show the true character. This isn't any help at the time, but having survived and looking back now I can find some comfort when others start to realise the truth. I am grateful for where I am now. I have really gone off on a tangent, but I am always conscious of who maybe reading this and if anything helps just one person in any way it is always a blessing. I will leave my writing for now and return soon in part two to continue writing about my past diets and my present lifestyle change and the differences I have found.
Until then,
Love Jackie
xx
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