9th October, 2020
I find it hard to admit it to myself, but at the end of last month my motivation had gone flat. It's hard to admit it because I have spent the last twenty months plus, working out what I have done wrong in the past and doing my best to put it right this time, and truthfully I have, so far. I have taken things slowly, not becoming obsessed about food and not worrying about getting weighed two or three times a day. I have learnt so much on my weight loss journey, and eat now in a far more healthy way and truly I have learnt to really enjoy the food that I eat. Appreciating the tastes and different textures and not just shoving it in quick because I was hungry and wishing I was eating something a bit more calorie laden and fatty.
It has taken me quite a while and because of this results have been slow, but those results are beginning to show. My problem was that I was doing all this for targets I had set and now I had reached those targets I didn't know what to do to move forward. I had reached my destination but what I wasn't doing was looking round myself at the scenery around me. What I mean is that I was so busy concentrating on the target I could not see what I had and still could achieve.
I needed time to have a break and really put a lot of thought into what I have achieved. I realised I never thought about what I had achieved. I had a job to do and I had done it, but I HAD done it. I have lost 84lbs, no small task but I never looked at what else this meant. It is not only about the weight loss. I suffer from severe arthritis and am in a lot of pain but losing this weight has took a lot of stress away from my body. I do have more energy which is good even though I get frustrated I can't do more, but at least the energy is there and I don't sleep so much in the daytime. I still wake up in the night because of the pain but I do now seem to go back to sleep more easily. I know my fitness levels are so much better. If I didn't have my mobility issues I know I would be able to be much more active, but it is what it is, and at least I feel better in myself. Losing weight also means my measurements have gone down and I can not only fit into smaller clothes, but look reasonably good in them, which boosts my mood no end.
I have lost five inches from my bust, six inches from my waist and six inches from my hips. Before I started my weight loss journey, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I felt old and ugly and my self-esteem was very low. At least now I don't mind having my picture taken and am beginning to take a greater interest in how I look and even though my self-esteem is still low it is higher than it was. One of the greatest things about losing weight as well as better health is better food choices and really enjoying food for what it is, and not just for filling my stomach. I find now I take the time to really know what food tastes like and realising that some foods I thought I liked I didn't.
As I really think about what my weight loss has given me, there is no way I would want to give it up and I know I want to move on now to lose the rest. Knowing what I really have motivates me to carry on and finish what I started. We have come back from a couple of days away and while we were there I really enjoyed eating what I wanted to eat and really enjoyed making free choices. They may noy have been as healthy as they could have been, but it didn't really matter for two days. I have had a rest, a reassessment and now my motivation has returned.
Here's to losing the next 28lbs and the benefits that brings.
Jackie
xx
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