This is my twentieth week since starting Change 4 Life and I have now lost 50 and a half pounds (3 stones 8 and a half pounds). Time seems to have gone so fast when you look back on it, although when you first start it seems to go so slowly. You can't wait for the days and weeks to go by to achieve what it is that you want to.
I started to think about motivation and what gives us the desire to do something and keep at it until we get what we want. Then, I started to think about why it was that in the past when I was motivated to lose weight, I would later put it on again. What were my reasons, were they good enough, and were they mine?
I have always been big. I was a big baby and was bullied about my size when I was a child, but apart from not liking P.E. or Sports at school, it never really bothered me. Looking back now I seemed to accept that that was what I was and put up with it. The first time I really thought about losing weight was when I met my first husband, and even then it was really his idea. He said you can't change a face, he thought I had a pretty face, or a personality, but you can change a body and mine needed changing. Being young, I went along with that. I was 13 1/2 stone at the time and went to a slimming club for the first time. This was back in 1975 when I was 17. I lost about three and a half stone and loved the way I looked. I had never looked good before and the feeling was great, but really it had never been my idea, and every time I had an upset with my husband (and there were many) I used to eat to take back control. Over the next few years my weight slowly crept up again. I was married now, with two beautiful children but the nagging never stopped.
I went to a slimming club again around about 1988 by which time my weight had reached about 17 stone. Again I lost weight and felt good for a while but still I was not really happy with my situation. Again my weight slowly went up again and was the cause of many upsets and arguments.
The next time I thought seriously about losing weight was in 2002. My marriage had broken up and we had a big family occasion coming up the following year. So I thought I would take "control" again and lose weight and show my ex-husband that I could do it myself.
At the time I weighed 21 stone. I went to the doctors and I was put on medication to help me lose weight. Over that next year I lost 10 stone, we had the family occasion and I felt a lot stronger after my marriage break up two and half years previously.
I then met my soon-to-be second husband. We went out, got engaged, and were married within the year, and I was so happy, and still am 11 years later.
I could be myself. I even learnt what being myself really was, and for the first time I had someone who loved me for what I was.
The weight crept back up, but it didn't matter. I did try a couple of times to lose weight, but just couldn't get my head around the stress it caused me. The thing that had troubled me since my early years no longer mattered. I could just be me.
Then as my weight went up, my health started to suffer. In the beginning I was in denial. It didn't matter as I now had the freedom to do as I wanted to after all these years. But I came to realise it DID matter, because if I carried on the way I was doing, I wouldn't be here.
My grandson was born last year and I wanted to be here for him and for my family. This time, I was the one making the decision to lose weight and for the right reasons. I was doing it for ME, and for my family, but I was the one who wanted to do it.
Hopefully this time I can lose the weight, be healthy and keep the weight off, because it is something that is important to me and this will be the motivation I need to keep it off this time. Only time will tell.
Next time in part two of this update, I will talk about my motivation and the things I am doing to keep myself motivated, and hopefully keep the pounds off this time.