5th November, 2021.
I haven't written my blog for a while, as I have not been feeling well and I have felt so tired that it has been so hard to motivate myself to do anything. It is very frustrating for me to feel this way but I have to remind myself that this feeling will pass and I will feel much better and will get back to my usual self. I rescheduled my hair appointment once I started to feel better so I could go earlier, because I knew it would help me to feel better about myself, and it did.
If I feel strong enough to get dressed and do my hair and make up, well that definitely makes me feel so much better. I know that some people will think that this is superficial, but if it helps me to feel relevant then that is important to me. My hair has been losing it's colour for many years now, and for a long time I coloured it. To save money I used to dye it myself, until one day my hair ended up being bright orange. That was the moment I thought “enough is enough” and decided to let my hair go grey. Some people carry on colouring their hair late into life and that is their decision, but I love my hair the colour it is now. When I was young, I spent a lot of time with my Grandad. He was a wonderful man who brought me up and he was the father I never really had. His hair was a lovely white colour, and I remember wanting to have hair that colour one day. It's not that far off that colour now and I absolutely love it. However, it has caused issues I have had to learn to live with. When a man has grey or white hair he can be seen as refined or as a “silver fox”, whereas a woman is seen only as a granny figure (not that there's anything wrong with being a granny), or not even seen or classed as being relevant. The difference a head of white hair can make! I was chatting to a lady the other day. She was a little older than me, and the conversation turned to age and having grey hair. She told me that she felt invisible when she was out and about. That people didn't take her seriously or have any regard for what she was saying. Then she said that she was happy to live like this because that is just the way that it is and it didn't matter anymore. When her husband was alive and when she worked, she dyed her hair to feel that she fitted in with her life role, but now it didn't matter.
Now, that is up to that lady, but I felt it was quite sad. When her husband was alive and she had a job, she coloured her hair because she had a role, but now she had white hair, she's on her own and in retirement and didn't matter anymore. She is happy to live the rest of her life being invisible, but I don't want to be that way. When we get to the late stages of life we have so many life experiences, and have often worked so hard in the past to be able to survive. We still have so much to give, and if we are not taken seriously just because of the colour of our hair, well that is a very sad state of affairs. I know for a fact that I will carry on being just who I want to be and if someone thinks I am just a dithery little old lady, then that is their problem, not mine, and I will soon change their mind. Everyone, no matter how they look, should be given respect, but as we all know, it doesn't always work that way. All we can do is be the best we can be and work on our own self respect and confidence. If we face the world knowing that we matter, then that is a great part of the battle and people that don't matter, don't matter. Let them think what they think as long as you know better. This blog is what happens when you haven't been feeling well and sort of feeling sorry for yourself but I bounce back as always ☺️
By the time this is posted I will have seen my orthopaedic specialist and will probably know what is going to happen now as regards to my next joint replacement. The wedding is two weeks away and the future is looking bright at the moment.
So I bounce back to being the best I can, the hair will still be white, but I certainly will not be invisible. If there is a space there I will fill it even though it will be a lot smaller space than when I weighed nearly twenty-one stone 😊
Until next time,
Love, Jackie.
xx
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