CALORIES

26^th July 2020

Calories! Love them or hate them, weight control involves them.

Do you know how many calories there are in toilet paper? Daft thing to know I know, but I didn't even know it had calories. I do know the calories in a lot of things. I have been trying to lose weight and keep it off since I was 16 years old. Forty-six years, on and off, thinking about what I ate and the calories in each thing. In those days there was no internet for common use and I used to buy a calorie counting book that told me all about basic foods, and then later on it started to tell you the calories in processed foods. I would read it all the time and became obsessed with knowing it all so I could work out my daily allowance and what I could eat.

I seem to remember having an allowance of 1000 calories a day, which seems to be very low now, but it was a long time ago and I don't think it was much more than that.

I was young, I wanted my problems to go away, so I thought if I lost weight then my problems would disappear, but as I know now they don't. They are still there.

So there I was, having my daily calorie allowance, and losing weight, but to me it became painful everyday continually thinking about food, what each contained calorie-wise and watching my allowance disappear. Often there was not much left at the end of the day, which limited me in what I could eat. If I went over my allowance I would give up and binge on that day and then start again the next day. It was a constant battle to eat the right things, Even though I trained in catering when I left school, I didn't really understand about fats and sugars, and the information I had was limited.

I lost weight and for a while I felt great and that I was worth something, but it didn't last long before it went back on. My weight was going up, while my self-esteem was going down.

I don't know how many times I did this. Time went by. I was in an abusive marriage, I had two beautiful children, watched them grow up, making me proud many times. I got divorced, I had a wonderful relationship with my soon-to-be second husband, and I now have two beautiful grand-children. Through all this time the diet industry and the many ideas about weight loss changed and my knowledge grew. I still knew the calories in most things, but I came to realise it is far more than that. Now you can work out your Basal Metabolic Rate or BMR which is the number of calories you burn if you rested all day, and from that you can find your calorie allowance for the day, depending on your age, weight and other factors.

It does mean I can eat more than those 1000 calories, but as I have said it's more than that. It's what I eat, but it's also what I think of myself, my self esteem, my value, and also that whatever you do, problems will always be there, but they can be dealt with.

This time I really hope it will be different for me, that I will have learnt so much. Only time will tell.

I do know how many calories I can eat in a day, but I have tried to get away from the obsession of rigorously counting down to the last number. I have a good idea of how many are in each food and I can work out a fairly healthy diet with much less fats and sugars. The internet has provided me with so much information, so no need for my little calorie magazine anymore, and I have been able to exercise portion control. I do allow myself the occasional treat, but they have to fit in with my daily food intake.

Because of my health issues I cannot do much exercise, but I do try to be as active as I can.

I have tried to work on how I feel about myself, but I do find that this is the hardest thing to do and will need a lot of thought to put things in place to help me keep the weight off further down this journey, but for now I keep going the best I can.

Did you wonder about the calories in toilet paper? Let me tell you, just out of interest :-)

In 100 pieces there are...

120 calories,

8 grams of carbs,

15 grams of fat,

and 4 grams of protein.

Now that is what it says on the internet, but I don't think I'll be eating any of it soon no matter how desperate I may get. :-)

Jackie

xx