I started writing my blog entry on Thursday this week, rather than at the weekend as I would usually do. This is because I have a busy weekend coming up with Easter and the fact we have a family visit this week.
I have had a good week and get weighed at my class support later today, so hopefully my weight is still going down.
The sun has been shining for a few days now and it's amazing how much better we feel as the weather gets warmer.
It's also surprising how much better you feel if you have succeeded in making changes to your life and all of a sudden you begin to notice how much things are different.
I went out shopping last Saturday and Sunday and I was amazed by how much more energy I have now got. At one time I really struggled to walk and even the five minute walk from the bus station to the shopping centre could be a real problem, never mind the energy I needed to walk around the shops. Mostly I would just go for what I needed, come straight home and then feel worn out.
It is beginning to be so much different now. I have so much more inclination to look around shops and "normal" clothes shops at that. Even though a lot of the clothes shops do sell larger sizes I had no interest in looking. Now I am beginning to enjoy looking at what's out there, and even though I have had always had my own style seeing what is on trend at the moment is of great interest to me.
There are a lot of large ladies out there who are beautiful, embrace their size and always look gorgeous, but I had lost all interest. I think that maybe it was because I was always feeling tired and unwell and my confidence was waning. If we feel down, it seems the glass is always half empty and it is hard to muster any enthusiasm for anything, never mind something that has evoked such negative feelings for me over the years. I have always been concerned that the fashion industry doesn't seem to feel that a larger woman has the same right to have the same clothes as her slimmer counterpart. It is a lot easier nowadays to buy larger clothes although quite often you have to pay more or they are badly fitting. I still find it irritating when you look at sizes that say S 8-10, M 10-12, L 12-14, XL 14-16, XXL 16-18. In my mind, no way is a size 18 a XXL, but that it what the fashion industry has determined. And this could cause confidence problems. As a large child and a large teenager, I could never find fashionable clothes in my size and always felt different.
Looking back now in a positive way, that is probably how I found my own style because of how little choice I had.
I still do worry about younger girls who feel they have to lose weight - and not always in a good healthy way - just to be able to wear the clothes that are in fashion. We should be able to enjoy a healthy diet and feel confident about looking good without all the pressure that is put on people to conform.
As I lose weight and feel healthier I find I am thinking more about how important it is to be who we want to be and to feel we have the confidence and the freedom to do so.
At this stage of my life, losing weight has begun to help me feel this way and I hope that anyone who reads this blog can find what does this for them too.
As I have said before, life is too short, there are no rehearsals and we have to try to enjoy as much of it as we can. With support from friends and family, and without too much (negative) influence from the media, the food and fashion industries and peer pressure.
As I said at the beginning of this update, I wrote this entry before my weekly weigh-in. I have now had that pleasure, and I am happy to report that I have lost another four pounds. It has indeed been a good week.