25th March 2022
I told someone a couple of days ago that I was scared on having my photo taken. I don't know if scared is quite the right word these days. I used to be scared when someone in my earlier life used to force me to have my photo taken and then, when said photos arrived (you had to wait back in those days 😊), would tell me how ugly I looked and how fat I was and that no one would ever love me. How wrong they were but at the time I knew no better than to listen to them and believe what they said. Now, logic would say why were they with me? In fact, stay with me for nearly twenty-eight years. In those days logic never really came into it. I believed what I was told. I have said before that my mother who was only seventeen years older than me was beautiful. Someone once said she looked like a young Sophia Loren and she knew it but I never thought of myself in that way. I was never told I was beautiful, it didn't seem to be thing that someone said, “Jackie your beautiful”. So when someone said I was ugly I believed them. Sad really, as this still affects me all these years later, even though my husband tells me this every day. I am beautiful and he loves me.
Negativity always seems to outweigh positivity. What someone said to hurt you still seems to affect you more than what someone says that loves you. The mind is indeed a strange thing. I have worked on my insecurities over the years and am so much better now than I used to be. We should all feel that we are beautiful and do all we can to boost our confidence. I still find it very hard to have my photo taken, but I am working on it and may have a few plans long term to help put that right. We shall see.
The days now are getting longer, and that strange round glow in the blue sky seems to be there a lot more than it was. It's getting a bit warmer. I am so pleased about that because I hate having to wear a coat. I love the freedom that summer brings, when you don't have to be bundled up in your “big coat” to use a good old-fashioned Yorkshire saying.
I so look forward to Summer dresses and skirts with tops and all those bright shiny colours you can wear. I can't wait!
My weight loss journey is still ticking over. I am beginning to settle into my new routine and it seems to be working. Keeping to a tight eating plan Monday to Friday and relaxing the eating more at the weekend. Having said that, we went to Liverpool for the day a couple of weekends ago and we were doing so much we didn't have time, or really wanted to eat. We did have a couple of freshly cooked doughnuts, but the rest of the day we were not bothered at all. We did joke that the doughnuts must be the new appetite suppressants and we should live on them, but nutritionally that would never work 😊Even though I had eaten them that day my calories were still within my allowance, and I made sure I had all my nutrients for the rest of the weekend.
The plan now is about losing this fear of eating the things I believe I shouldn't and knowing how to balance my eating. Not being too rigid and allowing myself to make mistakes and learn from them. We are never too old to learn from our mistakes.We should also be aware that other peoples mistakes are theirs and we shouldn't let them affect us. We are a person in our own right, beautiful and unique. We should do the best we can to get the most from this precious life we have be given while we are still able.
All for now,
Until next time,
Love, Jackie
xxx
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