Since writing the first instalment of this blog, I have been thinking about what to say next. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's knowing how to say it, and in what order.
Anyone who knows me well will know that I have no problem in talking... and talking... and talking.
Seriously though, to think about something and write it down in a coherent fashion is an all new ball game for me.
It seems sensible for me to start at the beginning and stay on a straight line, which is something I never seem able to do.
I have had a weight problem it seems since birth. A big baby, a big child and an even bigger adult. I am 56 years old this year and out of those years I have been overweight to some degree for 40 of them. My dress size has ranged from a size 26 at worst to as low as a 12. As an adult my heaviest weight has been 22 stone, and my lowest 10 1/2 stone.
Over the years I have tried almost every diet going, been to every slimming club and tried many fad eating plans, but nothing has worked for me long term.
At one time I was even prescribed medication (now no longer available) to help me lose weight and I did actually lose 10 stone, but it soon came back on again when I went back to my old habits.
That's one of my problems really. When I am told I can't have something to eat that I want, I want it even more and it always seemed like someone else was controlling what you were allowed to eat. The good things and the so-called bad things.
About 2004 I just seemed to give up. No more control and over the next nine years my weight again just went up and up. My health suffered, but I was in denial. I didn't want to be controlled. I think this was partly due to being controlled by my first husband for so many years. Now I have a wonderful second marriage and a supportive husband. I could not go back to being controlled.
I did try a slimming club a couple of years ago because my doctor was so concerned about my health, but it didn't last. For a number of reasons, it wasn't for me. My health got worse and worse and by the end of last year I was so tired and sometimes in so much pain I just wanted to give up.
Our beautiful grandson was born last year and I really want to be there to see him grow up, but to be honest the way I felt I couldn't see that happening.
Then, just before Christmas, I saw an article in a local free magazine about 'Change For Life', a service run by the N.H.S. to help you make lifestyles changes that can last.
I gave them a call, seeing it as the last chance to try and do something that could possibly help.
They were very nice and asked me to attend an introductory session a week before Christmas. I went, but only those close to me knew I was going. I remember walking into the village hall and hoping no-one would see me. It was just me and two ladies who were very understanding. They explained to me what it was all about, that everyone in the group was in the same boat, and that weight losses or gains were not read out and were confidential.
To be honest, apart from being weighed, I don't remember much about what was said at this first meeting as my mind couldn't take it all in, but I knew I was going to give it a go.
I do remember being given a bright yellow folder with all the information in it. Coming home on the bus, I kept hoping no-one could see what it was. It was like something in a cartoon, all I could see was this great big, bright, shiny, yellow folder that I just didn't want anyone to see.
But I HAD done it. I had been, and now all I had to do was go back again after Christmas.
A new year - a new me?