13th August, 2020
Five years of pain, eighteen months of semi-seriously/seriously
trying to conquer this weight problem that I have to benefit my
overall health and enable me to have joint replacement surgery, and I
am finding it hard. It's two weeks today that I go to see the
orthopaedic specialist, and I feel at the moment that my positivity is
waning. Can I carry on for the next two weeks and continue to lose
weight and, more importantly, keep it off? I know it makes no sense
to feel like this, but I do.
The common sense Jackie is talking to me and I know what she is
saying makes so much sense. Let's look at this situation in a
rational way.
I know I am in pain and it is getting worse, and my general health is
not good. Despite all this I have gradually lost five stone since
January 2019, three of those since March this year. I have spent the
last 46 years of my life at many points trying to lose weight and I
have done it, but because I have done it so many times before I don't
really know what an achievement it can be – it's something I do.
What I do know is that weight is hard to keep off and I also know I
have a lot to do yet to stop that happening to me again. I hope that
because this time I have made so many lifestyle changes and lost
weight so slowly that I stand a good chance of not putting it back on
this time. This is technically my last chance and I am going through
it so personally and sharing it here on my blog. I am human and will
have blips, but I am hopeful, What I must remind myself at the moment
is just what an achievement it is, and try to be proud of myself.
For 78ish weeks I have done this and I have survived and achieved
what I set out to do. It wasn't easy in the beginning, but I did
start to be more motivated after I saw the specialist at the end of
February and I have done what he asked me to do.
I am just so worried that when I see him, things will have changed. I
know that they are not rational thoughts, but they are there.
I tell myself I have done my best, and I have, and if things have
changed in this year of change, then there is nothing I can do about
it.
I have learnt so much about myself and since March have near enough
carried on by myself and have even done better than the previous year
with my weight going down, even if was only a pound at a time.
So give yourself a shake, Jackie, it's only two more weeks before
your appointment and you CAN do this and whatever happens after that
you will always deal with it like you always have. Always remember
you do have so much more supportr than you ever did before and you
are stronger than you try to persuade yourself that you are.
Self lecture over, love yourself.
Love Jackie
xx
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