21st June 2020
For many, many years I have loved food, tasty, good quality, gorgeous
food. Now there is technically nothing wrong with that, it is the
tool that fuels your body, but it how you use that tool to enable you
to fuel your body correctly. I am not a driver, but I know that you
wouldn't put the wrong fuel into a car, otherwise it won't run well
or for long. A lot of us don't think twice about the fuel we put into
ourselves. If we don't put the right nutrients in and have the right
balance of food groups then our health is the thing to suffer.
As much as I love food, I have had so many issues about it. I grew up
in Yorkshire until I was sixteen, and the food at home was good and
plentiful. I lived with my Grandma and Grandad, who had both grown up
through two world wars, and now there were no limits on food, it was
there a-plenty. Having always been a large child and teenager, it got
no better. I knew no different.
By the time I met my first husband, I was studying catering, and
along with being introduced to Indian food, my love of food
developed.
On the other hand, pressure was put on me, by my husband-to-be, to
lose weight and the conflict started in earnest. This was 1975 and
fast forward 44 years to 2019 and I still hadn't really learnt to
live in harmony with it. As I have said before I am an all or nothing
type of person, so it was eat it all, or don't eat it at all.
I have finally realised that had to change.
I am lucky that I have eaten in some really special places over the
years and I had to do something to be able to bring good food into my
life without the guilt. Even when I lost weight in 2014 I was still
in the mindset of leaving out the foods that I loved and then
“treating” myself to a lot of sweety, fatty, gorgeous tasting
food before I started the next week cutting things back big time in
an obsessional way.
I have said in a past blog that I even stopped watching cookery
programmes on TV and looking at my many cookery books because I just
couldn't look at food. I couldn't think about it, I just wanted to
get through each day, get to the next and then get to the next weekly
weigh in.
When I was offered a gastric bypass, I declined, because it wasn't
for me. I couldn't bear to have the food I love taken away from me. I
know a lot of people have had that surgery and have been very happy,
but it wasn't for me.
Taking all this into account, I had to find a way, to find a balance
with food. Not an easy thing to achieve.
In the past it was all about weight going down on the scales, not
what I was eating.
I even went to the extreme of using laxatives when I was young
because I was frightened of what my then boyfriend and later 1st
husband, would do if I didn't lose weight. Fortunately that stopped
and was a silly thing to do, but that was the pressure I was put
under. Even when I had lost weight he still told me I was fat and
ugly, so I was fighting a losing battle.
My attitude got a little better once we had split up and divorced,
but I still hadn't got the balance I needed and really I was still
scared to eat when I was in a losing weight mode.
Since last year I have started to look at what I eat in a different
way. It started with portion control and knowing that if I wanted
something “naughty” in the day it was okay.
Once I had got this into my head most of the time :-) I started to
look at the foods and dishes that I liked and how I could adapt them
to be healthy, and if I couldn't and still needed them, incorperate
them into my daily plan with limited damage to my eating plan.
It was a simple plan. I know which food groups I should have and in
what proportion and what calories I need to go in, to balance the
calories I use in my daily living and using the right amount to
enable weight loss. It was roughly 1,600 calories. Easy yes – well
not really, but I was prepared to learn.
I had my calorie allowance, so I knew what I could use. I just needed
to look at what I wanted to eat, that I enjoyed and were healthy, but
gave me leeway to enjoy an occasional “treat”. It's taken me
eight months of adjustment but I am getting there. I have porridge
for breakfast most days, sometimes a full grilled English breakfast,
but only once in a while. Soup or salad for my lunch, and then a
healthy ordinary meal in the evening. This is taking it right down to
the bone and it isn't always easy but it seems to be working. I am
adapting recipes to fit in with my plan and I am starting to enjoy
food again. The fear and anxiety is also a lot better than it was,
but it's still a work in progress.
Up to now I have lost 4 stone and 5 lbs, 27 lbs in the lockdown
period, so so far I have a good start for the rest of my journey.
So the correct fuel is going into the machine, I just need to drive
it, and that's taking a lot more adjustment than just preparing and
eating food.
It's got to be worth it, hasn't it?
See you next time.
Jackie
xx
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