17th June 2020,
We were there at the start of lockdown and it was obvious to everyone
that things were going to change, even though at that time I don't
think any of us really knew how and to what extent.
What was good was there seemed to be a lot on the television etc. to
motivate people. Extra exercises put into TV programmes, and cookery
programmes showing people how to cook the things they had in the
house and be healthy. We were all learning to live a different way.
The previous year I had stayed in a lot, and only gone out when I
really had to, so I was used to that, but now, like many others, I
didn't even have the choice to go out to a cafe, the shops, the pub,
the theatre or visit family.
As I have said, my dietician's clinic was closed and I now had to
make a decision as to what I was going to do next. Not as serious as
some things, but to me it was up there. I started to make my plans
and this started by buying a pair of bathroom scales. It might sound
like the simplist of things, but to me it wasn't.
When I have lost weight before it became an obsession. I am, or was?,
an all or nothing type of person.
When something takes over like this it can be so emotionally painful.
Weight loss and food can be wrapped up in so much emotion. Guilt,
shame, happiness, sadness, being good, being naughty etc. can all be
there and sometimes the sensible way of thinking goes out the door –
well it did for me.
This time it had to be different. I couldn't put myself though the
old way again. It sounds dramatic, but that's how I felt.
I had made a start between January 2019 and March this year, watching
the portions I was eating and conciously thinking about healthy
eating. I was losing weight very slowly, but I got weighed every
month at the clinic and it was progress. Then I had to buy the scales
:-)
They arrived and I decided to get my husband Steve to hide them after
I got weighed, and only bring them out once a fortnight for me to get
weighed. That way I wouldn't get obsessed. Obsession in any form has
a habit of becoming unhealthy if we are not careful and I couldn't
let myself go there and spoil what I had achieved so far.
For the first month or two that is exactly what we did, and then one
day I decided I had had enough. I was not going to be afraid of a
pair of scales. I was doing my best, slowly but surely, to progress
with my weight loss and I was going to conquer at least one of my
obsessions. So I knew where they were and I did in fact, to cut a
long story short, manage to still only get weighed every fortnight.
It felt great to know that I could do it. All my research, thinking
and planning must be coming together and I was no longer afraid to
get weighed. Well, if I am going to be honest, I still did worry just
before I stepped on them, because I wanted to lose weight, but if I
had done my best – honestly done my best – I had to learn to live
without guilt with what they told me.I only lose about 2 or 3 pounds
every fortnight, but I am happy with that.
Here I am now thirteen weeks later and the scales are in THE
BATHROOM! :-)
It feels great to have conquered that fear and hopefully that is one
obseession gone for good.
Another part of my plan was to conquer boredom, to try to watch what
I ate while at home all the time, and to try to exercise more despite
the fact that my mobility is not good and I am in constant pain.
I will go into this more next time.
Jackie
xx
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