2nd June 2020
For the past few days I have been thinking about those times in my
life that I have thought “Things have to be different”. To have a
better quality of life, things have to change. I feel uncomfortable
using the word “change” at the moment, as it has become
synonymous with what is happening in America.
It is also that time of year when I reamember what happened in the
Punjab in India in 1984. These, as so many other times in history,
remind us that things in the world need to change.
Whether this will ever happen, I do not know but I have always
thought that there has to be hope that they will.
I am a passionate person who believes that we all have the power to
make things better on a personal or even wider level.
Sometimes I know I have not had the choice about things changing. We
all had that feeling back in March when life as we knew it became
different overnight. Looking back now, it's hard to believe what has
happened over the last ten weeks, and now we are faced with things
changing daily and not always knowing just what we can and cannot do.
A countrywide time of control, with not a lot of choice.
Some people cope with change better than others, and having choice
does not always make this easier.
I know myself in my life that having a choice to change my situation
has definitely not always been easy, especially when I have had a lot
of factors to consider.
Change can be good, but it can also be scary and it is so much
easier, for whatever reason, to simply plod along and stay the way we
are, even if we know we are not happy and often angry with that
situation we are in. We feel trapped and helpless and find it
impossible for things to be different. We feel we do not have a
choice, even when we do.
For me, it's my health, my weight, being an older woman and being
accepted for who I am that are the personal issues I would like to
change, plus the cases of prejudice in many forms that I see all
around me.
Obviously it is easier to change my personal situation, after all I
am responsible for myself. It's only me that can make that decision
that I need to. I do have a choice.
The issues I feel relevent to me are the challenges that I have the
choice to change if I am not happy, and want things to be better.
There are so many that I wish I had dealt with better. I wish I had
said something. I wish that I had had the strength to fight back and
change things when they needed changing.
I said many years ago that I wanted to end my days sitting in an
armchair having no regrets, and honestly feeling that I'd done my
best.
Whether it will be that way I do not know, but I will carry on trying
to do the best I can.
It was hard for me to write this post in these very emotional times,
having varying relevent personal thoughts and feelings. I enjoy my
writing. It helps me a lot to get my thoughts down, as difficult as
it can sometimes be. Hopefully, next time it will be easier.
Jackie
xx
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