18th September, 2020
Well, I finally got my appointment through to see the orthopaedic
specialist, which was a relief and to cut a long story short, he was
really happy that I had kept my side of the bargain and lost weight,
or should I say brought my B.M.I. down, all to do with NHS policy,
and he kept his word by putting me on the waiting list, firstly for my
hip replacement and then to look at getting my knees sorted out.
Now the wait begins to see how long it takes, and of course, I must
keep the weight off until it happens – and beyond.
In one way it was such a relief, but once that feeling wore off,
there was a feeling of dread that the weight was going to come back
on. Just before I went to the hospital I was even having dreams that
I was waking up in the morning and nearly six stone had mysteriously
reappeared.
I know I will be okay, and I can deal with this, but at the moment
the fear is real. As I know from experience, weight can and does
come back on.
At the weekend I was looking at some photographs from the last five
years and I was in tears. There were photos of when I lost the 100
pounds plus before. The ones on Facebook had all the comments on how
good I looked and how well I had done, and then there were the photos
of when I had obviously put the weight back on.
It was so sad that I
had done that to myself and not stopped the pounds piling back on.
Now I did have other things going on, as I have said in previous
blogs, but in all honesty that's not a good enough excuse.
It was so sad that I
had done that to myself and not stopped the pounds piling back on.
Now I did have other things going on, as I have said in previous
blogs, but in all honesty that's not a good enough excuse.
Nobody really tells you when the weight goes back on, for whatever
reason, but you are responsible for yourself, and even if they did
find a way to tell you, you can be in so much denial you wouldn't
stop.
On a more positive note, I have lost weight before, and I am losing
it now, and I have to find a way to bottle up the feelings I have now,
to stop history repeating itself. We will see, but for now I will
keep looking at those photos and hope they keep me on the straight
and narrow.
Jackie
xx
PS. I haven't got as many photos of this time when I was 20 stone
plus. I wonder why?
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