P.S.

 

22^nd December, 2021

Six mince pies later... :-)

Here we are, three days before Christmas. For many reasons, from past years experiences, I never really know how I feel about the “Big Day”. For some it is a happy occasion, for some it is a sad one. I have had a few that I definitely wouldn't want to live again, but I have a lot to be grateful for. I want to continue to write in the New Year, even though recently I have found it really difficult to do. It's a block that I know I need to, and want to, conquer, so we will see where this narrow bending path takes me.

Until then, can I wish who ever is reading this a

Merry Christmas

And 

A Happy New Year

Love 

Jackie

xxx

DAMAGE LIMITATION

 19^th December, 2021.

I wrote last time about communication and how easy it seems we can have a conversation with a 'celebrity', and where these conversations can lead. I have learnt over the years to work things out for myself as much as I can, and, as I have said, I find a lot of this a very strange concept. How someone can let someone else who doesn't know them, has a different life and different life experiences influence  their life is something I find hard to contemplate. Now I am not saying we can not learn from others, we can of course, but to not think for ourselves and be empowered by our own development and completely depend on someone else's ideas is not for me.  When I was young you were a fan of a pop star etc and followed what they did but to depend on an ordinary person to think and advise you completely feels very unnatural to me. Even though I write, I do primarily do it for myself. If it strikes a chord with anyone out there, and it helps, then that is a bonus, but it is something I very rarely find out about. If someone tells me I have helped them, then that is fantastic, but the majority of the time, I never know.

This time of year is especially hard when it comes to motivation for healthy eating and exercise. The weather is not always good, the nights arrive so early and are so long and celebrations like Christmas are bound to encourage us to eat more than usual. I am at home now and do not work due to ill health, but I do remember Christmas celebrations during my working years. There was one year I had five Christmas dinners during December, not including the day itself, which I quite often worked before I had my children.

There was always, and still is, so much food around, and so much temptation. How often have we thought “I am going to eat what is there, enjoy myself and then look at the situation in January”? There is, in theory, nothing wrong with thinking that way, however you really need to look at yourself and see if this really works for you. Christmas is only one day, how often do we hear that, and it is - but a day that sometimes seems to start with an advent calendar and end somewhere in the end of January. Of course, you have to finish off all the food you have left, that you thought you might need for that day or two. :-)

If we do put on a little bit of weight, we have plenty of time to lose it before the weather warms up and we don't need so many layers on, don't we? Some of us are under more temptation than others with office parties, etc. but with so much temptation when we go shopping we are all at risk. Now, because some work parties have had to be canceled because many of us are once again working from home, will we buy more to compensate and cheers ourselves up?

Cheering ourselves up is another topic of discussion because, as we know, eating to cheer ourselves up can quickly bring on feelings of being down because of the weight damage we might have done.

All we can do is to try and decide what is right for us, or, at the least, try to carry out damage limitation. I know that a “diet” that is strict will not work for me it has too my limitations. Neither will a free reign when I can eat what I want during a four week period and see where it takes me. There has to be some restraint, but also some flexibility. Oh, if only is was so easy! :-) I know personally that if I wanted to eat completely what I wanted to eat throughout December I could put on a good 7 to 10 pounds in weight. Weight that would then make me feel bad about myself and weight that would have to go before I even think about any extra pounds I would like to lose. It's a position I don't want to put myself in. I do not want to deny myself Christmas treats, but I do not want to be scared of overeating. I will do my best to look at what I have learnt over this last year and find myself a comfortable compromise.

I know I can do it. I will set myself the challenge of having a good Christmas and coming out the other side happy with myself knowing that I have done my best.

All for now,

With love to you all,

Jackie

xx

WHY DO THEY ASK, WHEN QUITE OFTEN THEY TELL?

 

16^th December, 2021.

I sit down to write, looking across through the window at a beautiful kestrel sitting on the church roof opposite. For that bird, life hasn't changed that much. It's been born and it lives it's life looking for food and doing what it needs to do to survive. It has  been that way for each creature with very little change for hundreds of years, except that now even our village is more urbanised than it was, and finding food must be harder than it used to be.

For nature the changes seem so slow, dependent on the weather and environment, etc., but for us the changes can be so much more dramatic. Things have definitely changed as I have got older. Technology and methods of communication have changed, for the better? I'm not so sure. I would argue that some forms of personal communication have declined. People don't seem to talk to each other, personally, really talk to each other in the way that they used to do. It is now dependent on the use of one device or another. It strikes me also, rightly or wrongly, that the way many people think has changed. . They don't always seem to think for themselves but instead rely on what their favourite celebrity or influencer are saying. I happened to see on Twitter recently a well known celebrity in some circles was asking if any of their followers were feeling tired. They said they were not exercising enough, were comfort eating, and had gone up two dress sizes. They wanted a new start in the New Year and wanted suggestions from their followers. They had always said no to diets but wanted to know what other people thought. There were nearly 1,500 replies.

I find this so confusing. For what reason would they be asking people they don't know for advice, when they have had a personal trainer in the past and had the resources to find out. Of course, people were quick to offer their advice as though the ideas they put forward were new or they had a platform to offer the services that they provided.

I won't go into this in too much detail, but I can't help thinking to myself, for what reason would this celebrity be asking this? For some feature in the New Year? Or perhaps to get an emotional connection to their followers? Who knows? I must admit, it all seems very, very strange to me.

December can be a difficult month in many ways, even though it can be full of joy with plenty of eating, drinking and celebrations. This can add extra issues to those of us who are trying to maintain a weight loss. What can we do to to limit the damage to our progress ?

I will write more about my thoughts in my next blog, which will follow shortly.

Until then,

Love, Jackie

xx

AS ONE DOOR TRIES TO CLOSE, ANOTHER ONE TRIES TO OPEN

 

8^th December, 2021

I enjoy writing so much. I have been told by someone I respect a lot that I should write more, and I am seriously considering doing just that, but until then I have my blog. As someone who overthinks too much, writing helps me to clear my mind. I have written before about my past and how I was continually put down, told I was fat and ugly and that I was no good at anything that I did, and that stays with you. Even today when Steve tells me all the time that I am beautiful, that he loves me and that I do do things well, that little voice inside my head is still there and that can be harder to deal with.

When it's a person, once that person is not there and the input is gone, that voice moves to your head, it's your head and it becomes harder to ignore. I find writing helps to silence that voice and clear my mind.

As much as it is not always easy to find the motivation and the time to write, I know that it really helps me. That is, once I sit down and actually do it. Like I said earlier, someone who I respect has told me that there is a writer within me, and I should write.

Now, there is a big part of me saying “they would say that wouldn't they. They say that to everyone. They are just being kind and don't really mean it”, but if I do like writing then does that really matter? Any writing I do is for me, but if I did have someone supporting me then that is a bonus. Someone who is successful in their own right and has nothing to gain has been supportive to someone who they really don't have a personal connection with... FOR GOODNESS SAKE, JACKIE, just take it and run with it. What do you have to lose – and for once I am not talking about weight! :-) So we will see what happens.

I have no idea how I want to do this or the best way to go about it, but I will try and we'll see where it takes me. At the very least these memories, experiences and ideas will be documented, and a part of me will be here for a very long time. The task is daunting, but a journey can never start unless you take that first tentative step.

I often talk about getting older and not being taken notice of and how you begin to disappear and become irrelevant, so let's see how much I can or can't change that. I will still carry on writing about weight loss, how it affects people and it's culture and the industry that surrounds it all, but I will also experiment with other ways of expressing myself.

We will see what happens and where this takes me. I have nothing to lose and potentially so much to gain that isn't weight.

Watch this space. Who knows what might fill it.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

WELL, HERE I AM

 3^rd December, 2021

It's only been three weeks since I last wrote in my blog, but it feels like forever. Such a lot seems to have happened in that time. We had a great time at our son and daughter-in-law's wedding, and we were also able to visit my mother-in-law, who I hadn't seen for almost three years. She lives two hundred and fifty miles away in the middle of the countryside and with limited access, so with my mobility issues it is no easy task for me to get there. And, of course the Covid restrictions and my recent hip operation have also played a large part in taking so long to see her.

We were away from home for a week and by the time we got back I was worn out, both physically and mentally. It was lovely to see so many people and share such a beautiful day with my son and his new wife, especially as it has taken over a year and two previous attempts to get there due to various lockdowns and Covid restrictions.

It was truly a wonderful day. We met so many family members, including my nephew, his wife, son and son's partner who had flown in from America. They also came to visit us at home on the Tuesday just after we got back, which was great, even though we had only been home for six hours having got back at 6 o'clock that morning. :-)

While I was away, thoughts of weight loss completely left my mind. My dress did fit :-) and it was a relief not to have to worry about my outfit as mother of the groom anymore. The dress fitting me had become a real consern, which really was a small worry compared to all the other issues that needed to be thought about by other people, but I wanted to be there, be as confident as I could be for my family and do them proud. I must say at this point that standing up in the church in front of over a hundred people to do my reading was really scary, especially following a professional, but I did it, and what a relief it was.

Strangely, after that point I felt so very hungry, just wanting to eat. And eat I did! The food was beautiful and I enjoyed it so much. However, what has been really hard since is to stop! It's like I only have two modes – eating/not eating. Now I know it's not like that at all, but these last ten days or so have been very strange. I have felt very down and I have not been sure what to do with myself.

Really looking forward to something so much, working towards it and then it's happened you're left with a feeling of what next? I know I still have to have a knee replacement operation, but just now that does not feel real at all. After the 15^th of December, when I see the specialist, that may change, but right now it seems to be out there in the fog, and that fog is very thick and hard to see through.

I know that weight management is not a game of two parts. By this I mean that I know it not just a matter of losing weight and putting weight back on. I know there is a middle ground. It's so hard at the moment though to really think about what I am eating only that I want to eat a lot of the things I shouldn't eat of a lot of! :-)

But my learnt habits are starting to kick back in. I know that my weight may have risen a little over the last two weeks, but you know something? It doesn't matter! Yesterday I went for my annual diabetes review and they weighed me in at 13 stones and 12 pounds. Last November at my last review I weighed 14 stone and 13 pounds, so I am a stone and a pound less than I was this time last year.

Now, this is where the new Jackie kicks in. The old Jackie would have said you have weighed less than that in the last year. You have weighed 13 stone, and now you weigh 12 pounds more and you have failed. It is all over. You are going to put all that weight you have lost this time back on. The yo-yo has returned. YOU HAVE FAILED!!!

Now I am relieved to say the new Jackie thinks...... Yes I may weigh 12 pounds more than my lowest weight I have been on my scales however there is a difference of seven pounds between my scales (where I weighed 13 stone until recently) and the doctors, making me 13 stone 5 pounds on my scales at home. When you also consider that I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning wearing light nightwear and before eating, whereas at the doctors I wore Winter clothes and I had eaten lunch shortly before being weighed it actually wasn't that bad.At the review I was still a stone and a pound lighter than I was last November and what a year it has been since!

So, Jackie, continue looking at the positives. Life can be hard, but you can always find positives. I must always try to remember this. My new habits can and have kicked back in and now I need to look forward to the next year and whatever it brings.

This is me,

I am what I am,

I am still here

 I will do my best to continue to move forward, doing, as always, the best I can to be the best person I can be.

Hopefully there's a lot more to come

Until then,

Love, Jackie

xxx

YO-YO WEIGHT LOSS THE STRING HAS BROKEN

 8^th November, 2021

My weight loss journey is two years old. Two years of losing weight, around about 102 lbs, and I am now doing my best to maintain where I am. There is so much information out there about losing weight, but not so much about keeping it off. It doesn't pay the diet industry financially for people to keep weight off so you will never see a Maintenance World at your local church hall 😂 You see, restrictive diets don't work. They are not meant to work long term, but changing the way you think and live can work. If we are predisposed to put weight on if we are not aware of how much we eat, or choose not to see it, we will put weight on. If old habits return, we will put weight on, It is so easy to go back to those old habits when you are not concentrating on what is going on. This is such an easy situation to fall into when you are ill or life gets in the way. This is the time when the weight can creep back on and the time that all you have learnt about eating properly and what works for you hopefully kicks in. There is a group of people that say they want to be bigger, to be obese, be excepted for the size they are and not have to lose weight.They don't have to lose weight if they don't want to but and it is a very big but there may be problems ahead that they can't or don't want to see. Losing weight is not easy and keeping it off can be harder still, so I feel they want to be excepted for who they are rather than try to lose weight and keep it off. This may be ok when you are young but as you get older things change. For your health especially, as you get older you have to do your best to stay healthy and being obese and completely healthy do not make a good mix . 

I read today that a famous singer has paid for their parents to have a personal trainer to help them improve their health as they were about to become grandparents. I would say personally that it should be up to the future grandparents to make that decision, but it was an interesting article. I know from experience that you have to really want something to do it. You are responsible for yourself. It doesn't matter how much you see what  influencers do or have a personal trainer, if you don't want something, even if you try for a short time, it won't last. It's hard to be what you want to be, and it is even harder to maintain change. Change is hard, long term. There are so many so-called “experts” out there, but unless you do what is right for YOU, no amount of spending money to get advice will help. You will, sooner or later, slip back into what is comfortable for you, because it takes continual effort for it to work.

Motivation starts you off, dedication keeps you going. That dedication comes from you, only you, and no-one else. With me, I know short term I need to feel comfortable in the outfit I have for my son and future daughter in law's wedding in two weeks. I know that if I am not careful with what I eat I may put on a few lbs in weight and not be comfortable in what I am wearing. It's not all about how you look but I know that I need to feel confident as the mother of the groom on that day so I want to feel the best I can.Long term I need to keep the weight off for my next surgery. I was told by my specialist that I needed to have a BMI of 35 to qualify for for my first surgery and so I went down from a BMI of 47.3 to less than 35 to have my hip replacement. Now, what I will say at this  point is that as far as the medical profession is concerned I am still classed  as Obese Class 1 with a B.M.I. at this present time of 31.3. I started my weight loss at 284 lbs (20 stones, 4 pounds) and I have now been around 182 lbs (13 stones) for a few months. It has taken me two years to get to where I am now.

The BMI calculator says to be at the BMI that is right for me I should be 9 stones 4 lbs, which means I should lose another 3 stones, 10 lbs (52 lbs) and have a B.M.I. of 21.4. It also tells me if I consumed 1,539 calories a day, I would reach this target weight by December 2022. Just over a year and I would be at my correct BMI but I know that I am not ready, may never be ready to do this. I feel that at this moment in time I do not want to be 9 stone, 4 lbs. I feel I am happy with what I have achieved. If I can stay at around 13 stones and maintain my weight around there, at least for another six to twelve months, then I will be a happy Jackie. At some point in the future I will write about what I think about the BMI system and where I feel it fails and the pressure it can put on the individual to be a certain weight and the problems that can cause.

To continue to lose weight at my current physical ability my app tells me I need to eat about 1500 calories a day, which is hard for me to keep to long term. I don't really know if it is what I want to do. I want to learn to maintain my weight and have a short time eating the way I have learnt to eat. Wedding, Christmas, operation, we will see how it all goes, but for now I am what I am, and this is something I haven't been able to be before. This yo-yo has stopped. What happens next? We will see. To use a well worn cliché, only time will tell.

All for now, until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

WHITE IS A RELEVANT COLOUR

 

5^th November, 2021.

I haven't written my blog for a while, as I have not been feeling well and I have felt so tired that it has been so hard to motivate myself to do anything. It is very frustrating for me to feel this way but I have to remind myself that this feeling will pass and I will feel much better and will get back to my usual self. I rescheduled my hair appointment once I started to feel better so I could go earlier, because I knew it would help me to feel better about myself, and it did.

If I feel strong enough to get dressed and do my hair and make up, well that definitely makes me feel so much better. I know that some people will think that this is superficial, but if it helps me to feel relevant then that is important to me. My hair has been losing it's colour for many years now, and for a long time I coloured it. To save money I used to dye it myself, until one day my hair ended up being bright orange. That was the moment I thought “enough is enough” and decided to let my hair go grey. Some people carry on colouring their hair late into life and that is their decision, but I love my hair the colour it is now. When I was young, I spent a lot of time with my Grandad. He was a wonderful man who brought me up and he was the father I never really had. His hair was a lovely white colour, and I remember wanting to have hair that colour one day. It's not that far off that colour now and I absolutely love it. However, it has caused issues I have had to learn to live with. When a man has grey or white hair he can be seen as refined or as a “silver fox”, whereas a woman is seen only as a granny figure (not that there's anything wrong with being a granny), or not even seen or classed as being relevant. The difference a head of white hair can make! I was chatting to a lady the other day. She was  a little older than me, and the conversation turned to age and having grey hair. She told me that she felt invisible when she was out and about. That people didn't take her seriously or have any regard for what she was saying. Then she said that she was happy to live like this because that is just the way that it is and it didn't matter anymore. When her husband was alive and when she worked, she dyed her hair to feel that she fitted in with her life role, but now it didn't matter.

Now, that is up to that lady, but I felt it was quite sad. When her husband was alive and she had a job, she coloured her hair because she had a role, but now she had white hair, she's on her own and in retirement and didn't matter anymore. She is happy to live the rest of her life being invisible, but I don't want to be that way. When we get to the late stages of life we have so many life experiences, and have often worked so hard in the past to be able to survive. We still have so much to give, and if we are not taken seriously just because of the colour of our hair, well that is a very sad state of affairs. I know for a fact that I will carry on being just who I want to be and if someone thinks I am just a dithery little old lady, then that is their problem, not mine, and I will soon change their mind. Everyone, no matter how they look, should be given respect, but as we all know, it doesn't always work that way. All we can do is be the best we can be and work on our own self respect and confidence. If we face the world knowing that we matter, then that is a great part of the battle and people that don't matter, don't matter. Let them think what they think as long as you know better. This blog is what happens when you haven't been feeling well and sort of feeling sorry for yourself but I bounce back as always ☺️

By the time this is posted I will have seen my orthopaedic specialist and will probably know what is going to happen now as regards to my next joint replacement. The wedding is two weeks away and the future is looking bright at the moment.

So I bounce back to being the best I can, the hair will still be white, but I certainly will not be invisible. If there is a space there I will fill it even though it will be a lot smaller space than when I weighed nearly twenty-one stone 😊

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx

IS IT HOW YOU LOOK?

 

18^th October, 2021

You hear so many people say things like “It doesn't matter how you look, you should be satisfied with how you look when you are overweight, be fat positive” etc. etc., and I can see why people might say these things, but are they right? It is so hard for anyone that is overweight in a world where quite often it is seen as wrong. It is seen as ugly and wrong and so much pressure is put on people to look good. We are looking at looks at the moment, not health. Just purely looks. There is a movement at the moment to be proud of being bigger and plus size, and having been this way most of my life, I can see why this movement is there. Whether it's because they find losing weight too difficult, or they are genuinely happy with the way they are, they should be allowed to be the way that they want to be, and be proud of it. I wish in some ways that it had been like this when I was young. To be able to be happy with the way I was. Not really that much overweight, but made to feel that there was something wrong with me.

When I was young, I knew I was bigger than a lot of girls, and a lot of boys weren't interested in me, but I did have boyfriends and I got on with life. Then I met someone who told me I could be so much better if I lost weight. The first time I went to a club to lose weight I was 16 years old, and I weighed 13 stone, the same as I weigh at the moment.

As time went by I got heavier and heavier (all due to bad dieting, I realise now) and the heaviest I got to was twenty-one stone. Now, I was told, from a young, age I was ugly from my mother, and later, from my first husband. Being young, I listened to them and this affected me for a great part of my life. It's funny how I found what they said so much easier to believe then when Steve tells me I am beautiful no matter what I weigh, but that's what many years of brainwashing does to you. So I can understand why this movement is there to be plus size or overweight and want to stay there and be beautiful, and they are. They have a right to be. I worry about their health, but that is the issue they will not see while they are young.

I was healthy when I was young, it was with age that the physical problems started! When I reached my heaviest weight twenty stone plus, I had to lose weight for health reasons. I knew that I needed to lose weight because of diabetes and my joint problems, but towards the end it was the way I looked that really upset me more. I looked, in my opinion, fat and old and I didn't want to look in a mirror or have my photo taken.

Now, was that many years of being told I was ugly, or was it really because I just didn't like the way I looked? I do like the way I look weighing 102 pounds less and a by product is that my diabetes is much better and I have had my first joint replacement. So does it matter how you look? Should you lose weight to look better, or to be healthier? Should you be allowed to be bigger all your life and be proud of who you are? Will your ideas change as you get older and your health may get worse? And if your health does get worse, then whose fault is it? All these questions just go to prove how complicated the weight issue can be.

I think what it all comes down to is someone being allowed, if possible, to work out what is right for them. In today's world of influencers that is not always possible. The pressure is still there for the young, just now in a much wider form than it was for me. I know that for me, all these years later, I have been able to find myself and I know now what is right for me. My health is important, however for my confidence how I look is important too. It is finding the right balance that is important.

I am older now, but looking back I know how other people, and the system, has had such an effect on my life. I am a different person now, and have learnt so much through my life, but for the young, and the ones easily influenced it isn't much different.

Does it matter how you look? That should be up to you, it is your personal choice. Be the best you can be for you because it's you that matters.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD

 15^th October, 2021

I am now at the eight week post-op stage with my hip replacement. It is amazing looking back how much can change in eight weeks. I have started to notice just what the bad hip was doing to me and what has changed. I am still in a lot of pain, but that pain is caused by other health issues. There is a slight improvement to the flexibility in my right leg, which is great. I don't struggle quite as much when sitting on a public toilet (too much information :-)) but it is important in this situation.

I went to the cinema this week with a seated cushion, a v-shaped cushion for my back, crutches, and my walker along with some strong painkillers. That's quite a bit to take, but I went. I did have to get up at one point during the film, but it was so important to me to be doing something “normal”. It is mine and Steve's wedding anniversary on the 16^th and we are hoping to get out together. We have been married seventeen years, together for eighteen, and our wedding anniversary is so important to us.

When you have found the right person, to spend time together is so special, and we enjoy every moment!

I have been thinking about time in oh, so many different ways. When me got married, our first dance was Louis Armstrong's “All the Time in the World” which was also featured in the James Bond film “No Time To Die” which is what we went to see. We didn't know beforehand that the song was going to be featured, though.

We got married in our forties, so we were a lot older than some, but we knew even so that we had all the time left in our future to be together. If would have been so different if we had married young, but time is relative to the situation you are in. Something else that happened to me also made me think about time. I get, for some reason, emails from a weight loss company. I can't think of a better way to describe it without naming them, which I don't want to do. I must have shown an interest way, way back to see what they did and I must still be on their mailing list. They use a very low calorie way of losing weight, which I was not interested in doing. This was the same company that emailed me about being a leader for them , even though I had not used their system to lose weight myself. I am not interested in eating only 600 to 800 calories a day and would not encourage people to do that just for me to earn money. If someone chooses to do this, then that is up to them. I have tried most things in the past, but I am not interested in doing it now. Anyway, this company emailed me about joining a social media group. It interested me for information's sake, and I started to fill in the form with auto fill. Then, when I saw the questions they were asking me about doing this plan I backed out and deleted the email. Later on I discover that they had still added me to the group along with 121 other people that day. I knew I shouldn't have, but I looked at some of the posts in the group and it made me very upset.

People that were so desperate and happy to lose a lot of weight each week by eating non-conventional foods and such low calories. It reminded me of my past and what I had done all for the glory of losing weight and being slimmer and how it has never worked for me. It can't for anyone in the long term. People are so desperate to find the way to lose weight as quickly and in as little time as possible. There is that word time once again. I quickly left the group. I didn't mean to be there, I shouldn't be there, it brought back so many bad, sad, painful memories for me and I needed NOT to be there.

In my experience sometimes you are so desperate to lose weight, because you are so unhappy at the way you look.

For me put that together with  someone who says they love you says how ugly you are (not Steve, I hasten to add), you want to get rid of that weight as quickly as possible, and you will try anything to do it. Someone in “the know” tells you a way, it has quick results, and you do it. Sometimes over and over again. But there you have it once again. In my experience the quicker the weight comes off, the quicker it goes back on, because it is not sustainable and what have you learnt? Nothing. You haven't retrained your brain which can take a very long time. Time someone does not want to spend. However... This time with me it has taken me about twenty months to lose around about 102 pounds. Down a bit, up a bit, around about the same, but roughly one to one and a half pounds a week. How many times have you heard that moan from people at a slimming club which has now become a bit of a joke, “only a pound”! If you lose weight the correct way it can often be only a pound a week. Time passes, no matter what we do, so take it slowly and use every moment to enhance your life and not put yourself under unnecessary pressure.

You won't see instant results and you won't get the compliments so quickly but you stand a much better chance of it working long term. Food, real food, is there to be enjoyed, not demonised. If you really re-educate yourself, you look at what is really important for you and your mind and body. It will take time, but you can achieve your goal in a much more wholesome way. You can, as the saying goes, have your cake, eat it, and still achieve just what you set out to do.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx

I HAVE ALWAYS DONE IT, NOW IT'S FASHIONABLE! :-)

 10^th October, 2021

I turned 63 this year and for as long as I can remember I have bought second hand items. My first memories of buying second hand clothes are back when I must have been 14 or 15 years old. The two things I can remember were a pair of baggy sailors trousers in an army surplus store in Barnsley where I lived and a pair of leather brogue shoes on the second hand market, also in Barnsley. I really loved those trousers. They had the seven creases up the leg, fastened with a flap, and buttons rather than a zip, which I thought was really cool. They also fit me which was a bonus, as I was over weight even back then.

The downside was that they were made of serge material and itched but I didn't care about that as they made me feel so good. I can't remember when I started to shop in charity shops, but it was many years ago. I have never really had much money, so it was a cheap way to find things and, of course, the money spent goes to the charity. Some charities gain more money from this than others, but that is a story for another day. As the years have gone by I have still shopped in these shops even when finances became a little easier, because I love shopping that way. You never know just what you might find, and there is a genuine feeling of pleasure when you find something unique and different for a good price. As I have lost weight, shopping in charity shops has really come into it's own. I could buy smaller clothes without paying a lot of money, which is what I wanted to do as I went through so many clothes sizes as I lost weight. Then, as things got too big for me, I could donate the clothes back so that the charity could gain again as they were resold.

The quality of second hand clothes can be so much better than cheap clothes in the shops and I can often find a one off piece that no one else will have, and, as you may have guessed from reading my blog, I love things that are different. I am able to experiment a bit more with new styles and colours because I am not spending a lot. If I was out in High Street shops I don't think I would be as adventurous with more expensive clothes. I have also been recycling for many years before it became fashionable.

I love fashion and even at 63 I still like to look at the new season's trends. These trends are out there mainly for the younger generation, but there are ways to adapt them to the styles that I like. That is a whole new subject about fashion, trends and the older woman which I feel passionate about, but I will cover this at a later date. Fashion always seemed to be not for the overweight or the older person, but it shouldn't be that way. There is nothing wrong with looking at trends and colours and adapting them for your own personal tastes. As I said earlier, being able to pay so much less for clothing in charity shops has enabled me to experiment with styles and colours and I find it so much fun. I have bought some really lovely things since the shops reopened after lockdown and it has helped me feel so good about myself. Since my hip operation I have not been able to go out shopping much, but all of that is about to change. :-) I look forward to this with great anticipation. I will be back soon to tell you all about it here in my blog.

Until then,

Love, Jackie

xx

I AM NOT DOCTOR GRIFFIN!

 6^th October, 2021

This is not really weight related this time, but it is something that has been on my mind. 6 weeks plus now post-op, I am starting to be able to do so much more. I still get very tired.This I think is because I am trying to do more coupled with not being able to sleep much at night. Thankfully not having to do much during the day, I can cope. I am still positive that as time passes I will be to go out more.

Before I went into hospital, Steve and I realised that I would be extremely limited as to where I would be able to go for quite a few weeks after the operation, so we decided to go out for the day. This was a day for me and him just before the grandchildren visited. Steve was in the middle of decorating at the time, but that could wait, it was important for us to have some time together. The distance we can travel is limited for a few reasons, but we do have certain places we like to go depending on how things are at a particular time, and this day we went to Chesterfield. It has been a very slow process for me to go anywhere for quite a few years, but a little quality time is better than nothing. We do love Chesterfield as it has a good mix of some of the things we like. Good places to eat and drink, charity shops, a record shop, a lovely antique shop with a good tea room, a market, and quite a few accessible toilets. :-) Long story about toilets, which I won't go into here, but it's important none the less.

We had a great day, we didn't stay too long because I was very tired but we managed to see what we wanted to, and I got some charity shop bargains. A washbag I needed for the hospital and a beautiful cream poncho with glittery studs on. We went back to the bus station and as we were waiting for the bus back to Barnsley a man on a mobility scooter passed by us at speed. On the front of his scooter was a sign which read “I am not Dr. Griffin”. I was a little confused, and asked Steve “Who is Dr. Griffin”? Steve replied “He's the Invisible Man in the H.G. Wells novel”. Steve knows more than me about this sort of thing, but it got me thinking. I'm sure it was lost on a lot of people, thinking he was strange at best, but I thought it was a quite intelligent way of expressing how he felt. I am sure it could have started quite a few conversations, even though some people would think it is a daft thing to have on your mobility scooter. I must admit I could see exactly where he was coming from. I walk with the aid of a wheeled walker and there are so many people who don't see me coming. Now, some would argue that as you walk around shopping centres etc. you don't have to constantly watch out for others and they have a responsibility to watch out for you, and I can sort of see this, but some people are more mobile than others. So many times I have had people walk right up to me and not realise until the last second that I am there, which is fine, but then they tut and shake their heads at me because they have to walk around me.

A moan, I know, but it does make things harder, and obviously this gentleman with the mobility scooter had had the same problems. I don't know if I would like to be in the way of a mobility scooter going at speed (and some of them do go very quickly indeed), but I am sure there are arguments from both sides to the matter. The conclusion I came to as I thought about this is I don't want to be invisible. I can't stop people walking into me, we all have things on our minds in our busy lives, but I want to do my best to stand out and be my best.

There are many times in our lives that we start to disappear visually from people when we are out in public. This can be by not being seen or being judged by what we look like. For those of us that are bothered by this, there are two things we can do about it. Ignore what is happening or do something about it. Whether that is pointing it out, like the chap on the mobility scooter, or working on all you can do to boost your confidence to face the outside world the best way you can. I have been thinking about this for a while and just wanted to voice my opinion here in my blog. As I start to get out and about more in public places I am sure I will be looking at things in another light. Hopefully I will get out again very soon and I am sure I will have more to write about as I think I look at things differently since I have lost weight and as I get older.

All for now,

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx 

DO IT FOR YOURSELF, BY YOURSELF

 

2^nd October, 2021

For those of you out there who want to, or are trying to lose weight, why do you want to do it ? Why did you start? I ask this because it's important, you have to know the why to be able to keep going when it gets difficult. Which ever way you decide to do it, it will have it's moments of being hard, but if you know just why you are putting yourself through this , knowing why can really help. If you have a lot of weight to lose it can take quite a while before you feel the benefit, and even longer before other people notice. You need to be able to focus your mind on the task ahead of you. It is worth the effort when the results start to emerge, but once you have got near to the weight you want to be, you definitely have to remind yourself once again why you are doing this. It is so easy when you start to look slimmer and start to get compliments and feel good to slip back into old habits and undo all the good you have done.

For me, in past years when I used to go to a slimming club, I would stop at this stage and try to do it “by myself”. To save money, or because going to the club didn't fit in with what I was doing, they were good enough reasons in my mind, but it never worked out and the weight would creep back on. I personally would then think I had put weight on because I had stopped going to the club and would either then go back to the same club or try a different one if I felt too embarrassed to go back to the original one. I went back to so many different clubs that way. Looking back to those days, I realise I wanted to lose weight, but I don't think it was 1. Really for the right reasons and  2. Put all the responsibility on the club and the latest “magic” diet. For me this just became a time where I felt that I had failed. I hadn't really because what I was doing was not going to help me succeed in the long run. I was trying to lose weight for the wrong reasons and I was following a plan that ultimately was designed not to succeed long term. There is no profit in someone losing weight and never coming back, is there? I have been so guilty in the past for losing weight for someone else or worse because someone told me to. That is not going to work. Going back to how I started this blog, you have to know why you want to lose weight and you have to do it for yourself. It has to be important to you. You are the one who has to decide what you eat and be able to justify to yourself why you have made the choices that you have made. You need to learn how your system works and not depend on a way that may be too rigid or not fit into your lifestyle. If we are prone to gaining weight then we will always be prone to gaining weight, and for long term success we need to find our own way, for us and for no one else.

Having said that, it is lovely when people support you during your journey and comment on your success. When I went to a slimming club meeting I personally loved the praise I got when I lost weight and would do anything during the week to lose weight and get that praise. What I did to make myself lose weight was not always a healthy way to live. To cut the amount of food back so drastically just to get that bit of praise seems so foolish now, but I did it. The emotions and pressure involved in going to a club each week to get on those scales became too much for me. Trying so hard to lose as much weight as I could as quickly as I could became an unhealthy obsession. I would get so upset when I knew I had been 'good' that week and didn't get a good result on those scales. That is one of the reasons I decided to do it by myself. Even if my decision hadn't been made just before lockdown I would still have done it myself because I had to find a way that worked for me without so much pressure. So when I am asked how I have lost 102 pounds I will say, “ I really thought about why I needed to lose weight, I found a way that suited me, and I did it for me. It wasn't easy , but it was well worth the effort I was worth the self care I decided to give myself”.

If we feel we need to lose some weight, we should firstly think about what's right for us and why we really want to change. If change is what you want do you own research and find a healthy lifestyle that's right for you, because we are all worth a little self care .

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

INTERNAL SUNSHINE

 25^th September, 2021

Today it is five weeks since I had my hip replacement surgery, and when you look back on it, that time seems to have passed by quickly. I say look back on, because time seemed to go very slowly when I was in a lot of pain, but I am pleased now that pain is not as intense as it was. I still have pains, and perhaps will have for quite a while, but the pain from the operation has settled. What was definitely difficult to cope with was having to spend a long period of time just here in the house. Before the op what I could do was limited, but at least I could get out now and then. I have to have a sense of purpose and things to look forward to, and this operation took all that away from me in the short term. Having said that, since I wrote my last blog I have tried to be far more positive. I am now trying to eat in a more healthy way with less processed sugar, and I don't feel as bloated. On those terrible things that have numbers and a dial, I have lost 2 lbs and the dress I got for the wedding just fits me. I really could do with losing another half a stone (7 lbs) before the wedding for comfort, but I am heading in the right direction.

I was reminded when I tried the dress on just how the right clothes can help you feel so much better. I bought the dress online in the sale during lockdown last year, so it was always a bit of a risk, but I really do love that dress. It's lacy and a beautiful shade of green and when I put it on I smile when I look in the mirror. Part of that is because I look in it, but a bigger part is because of the colour. I love colour. Years ago I wore nothing much more than black partly because, looking back, I was not happy with myself and partly because I was large and wanted to make myself look smaller or disappear. Now, here's the thing, if you are not feeling your best and you wear black it is not going to make you feel any better. Also, if you are as large as I was back then, nothing you wear is going to really make you look smaller. What you are is what you are. A size 26 is a size 26 whatever colour it is! I only really started to wear more colour after losing weight in 2001 after my divorce and meeting Steve in 2003. Colour then very slowly became part of my wardrobe. I read something on the internet a few weeks ago. I can't remember all of it, but what I do remember was a girl saying if they are going to stare at me then I will give them something to stare at. It was in the context, I think, that people stared at this young girl because she was disabled and so she decided to wear the bright colours that she wanted to wear. Not to disappear into the background, but say proudly “Here I am! This is me, looking like I want to look!”

I remember thinking what a wonderful person to think this way. I want to be more like that. As I come out of this period of time stuck at home, I want to have the motivation to think about what I am going to wear when I go out. To put thought into my clothes. Always incorporating colour and the right accessories to go with my outfit, whether I am going out for the day, or just down into the village where we live. I want to feel the best that I can and if people do stare, I hope I am giving them something to think about.

Wearing the colours you feel good in can make a whole lot of difference to how you face your day. As we go into Autumn/Winter what we need is some internal sunshine to give us all a boost, and a simple burst of colour can help us to do this. Some of my time at home has been spent, when I can, slowly sorting out my clothes, putting my Summer things away and looking at what I need to add to the things I wear as the weather gets colder.

I feel motivated to move into the next few weeks with anticipation and excitement as to what I may find when I start to look for those things I need. I also look forward to writing about any charity shop finds I make, as I have so missed being able to visit the many shops we love to go to.

So, until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

IT'S THE DOING THAT FOLLOWS THE SAYING

 

September 19^th, 2021

Here I am, four weeks post hip replacement surgery and it has definitely been a most interesting time for me :). There have been a lot of different emotions to cope with, for sure. Never easy, but for me, that used food in the past as a coping mechanism, I find that I am not as strong as I thought I was.

Having said that, I am also aware that I must eat a good amount of nutritious food to help my body to heal itself. I started thinking about when you are in pain and not sure what is “normal” and what isn't, and all the strong feelings that you have. It is so easy just to eat what is there and not really think about calories and how much sugar and fat things contain. It feels like I am weak and a bit of a failure, but no, come on Jackie, you are not going to fall into that trap. You haven't spent the last two years sorting yourself out to fall back into that trap, not when you've learnt so much. You are so much better than that. Yes you are.

When you are not at your best it becomes so easy not to be strong, but to be thinking about the way that I am feeling and wanting to start doing something just proves how strong I really am. I am just having one of life's little moments and I can cope with this. Having the wedding in November helps me to focus on what I need to do and at four weeks post op I am feeling that focus is what I need. I have had my dress for the day for about a year and there is no way that dress is going to be too small and me then having to dash out at the last minute to try and find something else. It wouldn't be the end of the world but I would know and I would not feel good about this.

With all these thoughts going through my head, the best thing I can do is write and put my thoughts down on paper. Firstly, looking at my weight situation. I weigh about 8 pounds more than I did just before my operation four weeks ago. That's not that much really, but it could become so much more if I don't seriously start to think about it. 2 lbs a week could so easily turn into a stone and a half by the time of the wedding and that, for me, matters. I want to look nice on the day, after all, who wouldn't? But there is also the fact that I want to be at peace with myself. That I am looking after myself the best that I can, both physically and mentally. I have said in the past that I was not in a good place mentally when I started this weight loss journey. Even though looking better was an added bonus, when I lost 102 lbs it was always about me conquering a weight issue that had been with me all my life. Being seriously overweight has always caused me a lot of issues and they are not issues I want back again. I have said from the beginning this time will be different, and it will. If this was a film I would have reached the bit where after everything seemed to be rosy and where it should be, something goes wrong and it all seems like this is the end. Then the character has a life epiphany and fights back to hopefully give the film a happy ending. :-) That is the film and this is life, but here I go.

This morning I had a “click” moment and I knew that I have to get back on track. No matter how much you want to do something, you have to have a “click” moment to get you back on the straight and narrow. When I was young I used to go to a Pentecostal chapel in our village. The sermons were not always riveting to a young person to be fair, but I always tried to sit in the same area of the chapel, where the pastor couldn't see me, but also because just there on the wall was a painting that I loved. It was technically about the road to Heaven and it intrigued me. On one side of the painting was a wide road with so much going on, but on the other side there was a small path that went to Heaven. Well that's how I remember it was (it was 52 years ago, after all :-)), but how I see it now is keeping the path to where I need to be as simple as possible and trying not to wander on to the other side with complications stopping me from reaching my goal.

So here I am with two months to go before the wedding, clear in my head once again on what I need to do.

This is not a negative post, so please don't feel sorry for me. What it is, is me saying I know what it is I have to do. This post is also very similar to my last one, but there is one big difference. The last post was saying I know what I need to do. This one is saying I know what I need to, and this is what I am going to do. Actions not words. Words are good, but it is the actions that get you to where you need to be.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

x x

IT'S UP TO ME!

 10^th September, 2021

I don't think I have ever felt as tired and worn out as I do at the moment. There must have been times, like when I had my babies, but I think the difference then must have been that I had no choice but to carry on. A little life was dependant on me then, and I just had to keep going. Now, when I am at home recovering from my hip operation I have nothing to keep going for during the day except for me. This is where bad habits can kick in, because it is easier not to bother. Says she who has just had to pick up five of my tablets from the floor with a grabber tool because they fell out of my nomad box! :-) I even did that just to stop the cats from eating them.

Seriously though, it is so easy to not bother when it's just us. Now, I know I should be taking it easier at the moment whilst I recover from my surgery, but there are still things I can and should do. I did commit to writing again, and because of this I should write. Especially as I know that my writing makes me feel so much better and it doesn't take much physical energy really. Especially now when what I can do physically is limited, so anyway I can keep my motivation going can only help. I talked so much about having this operation while I was losing weight, and it was one of my main motivations, but I don't think anything really prepared me for what it was going to be like. Someone told me at the weekend that they were waiting for the same operation and they had heard that they would be completely well within six weeks. Now, that could be the case, however I think that you have to prepare yourself for the fact that you may not be. We are all different and I don't think anyone can tell someone 100% how anything is going to be. Now I know I may sound negative, but I have always been better preparing myself for the worst and then anything better than that is a bonus. You may not agree with me, but it is how I have lived my life and it has got me this far.

While watching something on Youtube the other night, someone said “If you could change your life's experiences, would you?” I thought about this and my answer would be “No, I wouldn't”. Things have not always been easy and I may have experienced things that others haven't, but looking back now life is what it is. At the time, I may not have been in a good place many times, however when you are in the midst of what is going on, you can't do anything but do your best to get through it, survive it even. It may take it's toll at the time, but if you do get through it, you are grateful and learn so much. Obviously I know there are things in life far, far worse than I have experienced, but I am talking about MY life, MY experiences. As I have said, we are all different, with different lives and we only know what we know. With me, there have been many, many times when there has been no one there to help me but myself, and I got on with it the best way that I could. It has made me the person I am today, and I am so grateful for that now. I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was and that practicality kicks in when it is needed. Having said that, I know that at the moment I need to keep an eye on myself in the only way that I can, and nobody else.

When I came out of hospital I went into a slight panic attack about what I was eating, and how my weight would be. I craved sugar so much and also felt so bloated as I was eating far more than I had for a long time. There is nothing wrong with eating a good amount but of the right things. I know I can't lose weight at the moment and my limited mobility is, at the moment, even more limited. There is a responsibility to myself to eat what I need to eat to give me the energy to heal. When you have a tendency to have a weight issue I think you will always have that tendency. That is why people lose weight and put it back on. It has happened to me before. When you are strong you can be strong, but it is not so easy when you are feeling vulnerable. I realised panic is not going to help. Panic never helps. I have looked back on what I have achieved the last two years and know that I need to depend on everything I have learnt. It is up to me to sort it out and find the right balance. To do all I can to maintain the weight I am at the minute. Damage limitation. To eat as healthily as I can, but if I need to eat something, then eat it. There is nothing that can't be put right, it is just being aware. Being aware and doing something about it because only I can.

I move into week four of post op with a little more optimism than I have had recently, and I will continue to do the best I can. Of course, I am also learning from this experience to help me prepare for my next operation, whenever that might be. In the meantime, I have that very special wedding to look forward to before then and I can not wait! So, I will do what I have to do to get there. It's all up to me!

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

WHAT AN INTERESTING MONTH

 6^th September, 2021

Well, August is over and what an interesting month it has been. I know I did the right thing to stop writing for a while. I love to write and it certainly has helped me through my weight loss journey, but to have a break even from things we love can be a good thing. The month started with our grandchildren coming to visit, and they stayed with us for ten days. We did a lot of things together and I am sure that I will write about our adventures as we move into September. I can definitely say we did things that me and Steve would never have done if it had just been us. After the grandchildren went, I had three days to prepare to go into hospital.

I went for my Covid test on the Wednesday, and then it was isolation at home for me and Steve for three days. I have spent time at home on many occasions but it feels so different when you HAVE to do it. :-) The time passed ok and as it happens a few problems arose that we had to deal with, so we didn't get bored. I am quite an organised person so I put things in place to help me when I came home.

Saturday morning arrived and off I went to the hospital, and apart from firstly going to the wrong place (not our fault), everything went to plan. Everybody was so good and so kind, and I met a lovely lady who was also having an operation.

I ended up being in the same ward as her post-op, which was great. We are very similar in age and in our values and I know moving forward we will keep in contact and develop a friendship. I was mostly quite calm the whole time. It had taken me a long time to get to this point and it felt very strange to be actually there. I had a spinal anaesthetic for the operation which was definitely a very strange experience. You can't see anything of the procedure, but you can hear a lot as you drift in and out of sleep from the sedative. At the time it felt like what I can only discribe as a strangely surreal experience but it wasn't until a while later that I thought about what it really felt like. All I can say is at that moment for the first time in many years I could feel no pain at all and I had no anxiety or worries. It was just utter calm, something that is hard to achieve in “normal” life. Of course, this didn't last for long before the post operation life kicked back in. It was all bearable, even coped with a Meniere's attack in the middle of the first night. There is a lot of pain and discomfort to deal with, and the next few days were definitely a steep learning curve, but the hospital staff definitely looked after us. I was in hospital for four days, and coming home definitely threw up a few issues, but Steve and I coped and Steve looked after me so well in a situation that neither of us have been in before.

I am here now just over two weeks post-op. Steve went back to work five days after I came home and I am managing. God willing I'm ready to get on with whatever life throws at me next. I will have to go back next year for a replacement knee joint, but for now I will put all my efforts into getting as well as I can. I know I have put some weight back on, but I am not worried. I know I have to get as well as I can. Size can go on the back burner just for now. Eating as healthily as I can will help me but I will eat what I need to be the best I can.

So, until next time I will put my pen down, but it's good to be back.

All for now,

Love, Jackie

xxx

SOME TIME OFF

 

31^st July, 2021

I first started writing my blog back in 2014 to log my weight loss journey to see where it would take me. I wrote it until 2015, and then life got in the way, old habits kicked back in and I stopped writing. Mostly because I knew I was putting weight back on and I felt that I was a failure. Looking back on it, knowing what I know now, I realise I hadn't failed, I just hadn't learnt what I needed to learn.

Fast forward to 2020 (what a year to go down in history, for so many reasons) and I started to write once again. My writing has helped me mentally to work things out and clear my mind. I have been writing this time for 16 months, and during this time I have learnt so much about myself and about weight loss. I am now at a point where I am nearly there with the weight I need to lose, and will soon begin learning how to maintain my weight. I have been informed that my hip replacement operation should now take place towards the end of August, and with a long awaited visit from our grandchildren for ten days at the beginning of the month, we are going to have a very busy – and interesting – time. Because of this, I have decided that until at least the beginning of September I am taking a break from writing my blog.

It is definitely going to be a very interesting period, where I am not really sure what is going to happen, but I am sure it will give me quite a lot to write about once I am ready. I will probably at times not have a lot of control over what I eat, but that will not be the end of the world (at least I don't think it will).

I am sure that I will soon be back on track to be the best and healthiest I can be in time for my son and future daughter-in-law's wedding at the end of November.

I'll sign off for now, but hopefully I will be back writing down my thoughts about weight loss and life very soon indeed.

Love for now,

Jackie

xxx

P.S. I am now 13 stone and have lost 102 lbs!

NORMALISE YOUR WEIGHT LOSS SITUATION

 27^th July, 2021

Some of us have a weight issue, and, let's face it, there are quite a few of us, who  have it for one reason or another. Years ago, we did not have as many things to assist us physically such as cars, machinery, washing machines or vacuum cleaners. There is a massive list of things to help us  depending on our circumstances. We all did far more physical work then we do now. When you put that together with much more processed foods and we have got bigger over the years. We also have more money to spend on good food, whereas back in history it was mainly the wealthy that could potentially be larger. I have said in the past that the slimming industry started back in the early 1950s, which was around about the time that people's lives were beginning to change in a big way. If we really looked back in history and saw how much lifestyles had changed, we would see the simple reason why some weight issues began. We started eating and drinking more and became far less active. Food, for most of us, is easily obtained.

I still think of that lady I spoke about last time, who was so afraid of the calories she would have thrown away a perfectly good sandwich, even though she had spent good money on it. Now I know that it was up to her, but we seem to have become a very disposable society, where something has no value and can be just thrown away. I don't like to waste probably because I have never really been in the position to be able to  waste things or throw them away, but then I wouldn't want to. With the creation of the diet industry, eating to lose weight seems to have become more and more complicated. When we had a more active lifestyle, we had no choice but to be physical. It was part of everyday life. Not we have to think about being physical, especially when wanting to lose weight. It is an effort and an effort that we might not want to do in our busy lives. Same way that when we like to eat high fat, high sugar, processed food, we can find it an effort to cut then out and eat more healthy foods. We have a different lifestyle, but when we see a weight loss program all planned out for us it seems the easier way to go to achieve what we want. Also, it may be part of the current trend, and if a lot of other people are doing it too, then surely it must be the right way! That, in my opinion, may not be completely correct as we are all, as I have said many times, individuals, but there are many who can't, or won't, see it that way.

We all live our lives, the “norm” is the “norm” and obviously if we want to do something like losing weight, we must have to do something “special”. It all takes effort and it is questionable as to whether it's sustainable. If it isn't, than we could and can do get caught up in a yo-yo diet. This can be very stressful, to both mind and body. We have been made to feel that the diet industry is special and to lose weight must be done in a special way. In my opinion it's not on a diet, off a diet, it's a way of life. It is something that has to be there each and every day of our life. A daily habit that has to become a part of our life. If we were to learn to replan our eating habits, we can establish a balanced way of eating. This can still include the occasional foods that may not be classed as healthy. There would be no need for cheat days or diet breaks when we are on a “diet”. These foods, whatever we like, can be incorporated into our daily lives. They can be there, just not as often, and won't hurt the weight loss process or the weight maintenance. Also, if foods are not classed as cheats or “naughty” their allure will not be as great, and we will not feel so bad when we have eaten them. You may even realise how bad certain foods made you feel and decide you really don't want to eat them. Once you have something, you may not even want it, who knows? :-) If you do, it's not really a problem. I have said so many times you really need to look at yourself and discover what it is you like to eat and what kind of lifestyle you have. Now this does take a bit of effort and it may be easier to follow what someone else has worked out. This is fine, but just think for one moment – does that person really know you? Even if you do find their way is the best for you, and that's fine, is it something that can be done long term, and take away the weight loss, weight gain, weight loss, weight gain cycle that you may have had?

It does takes effort to work out a sustainable way of eating for you personally, but in the long term it will become easier. It hopefully will all become a way of life and a normal one way to live. Yes, you want to be part of the group, or follow the trend but hopefully it will take some of the stress of restrictions away. It will hopefully become a way of eating that you can live with. I know it has to be like this for me. I have yo-yo dieted for years, followed the latest diet trends and new ideas, and it just hasn't worked for me. In my experience the only person that has gained from these diets I have tried is the person that put it out there. That is why they often say diets don't work. Diets may not work, but a sustainable way of eating should. I have looked at people who have used a diet and also people that have worked out a sustainable way of eating and the sustainable way definitely seems to have more success.

My weight loss journey this time is my last. I am 63 years old, and I don't really want to get back in that vicious cycle of losing weight and putting it back on anymore. The way I am eating now has to work for me and still enable me to live an enjoyable life, including eating foods I love. I think it will work out, but only time will tell, to use a well worn cliché. I will be here documenting what happens, the highs and lows, the ups and downs. If this idea for a sustainable way of eating can grow and take away the diets and diet trends that cause so much great stress and pressure, well, all the better. We can only hope.

People will always look for an easy solution, but in my personal experience, easy solutions just don't work. A bit of effort in the beginning will result in an easier way in the end, but it will always remain in competition with what is fashionable or trendy. Perhaps one day, a few celebrities may push a sustainable way of eating, rather than the next “in” diet plan. We can only hope, even though it may not be as glamourous, and doesn't sell books! Who knows, perhaps one day it may! :-)

All for now.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx

DON'T BE AFRAID OF CALORIES

 

22^nd July, 2021

I had to go to the hospital last Friday for a pre-operation assessment appointment that had been postponed from Monday. That was my second appointment there last week, having seen the ortheopedic specialist on the Wednesday. Both days I was there quite a long time. On Friday it was 2 ½ hours. I had lots and lots of tests done on me, one of which may cause a slight problem, but we will see. At about 1 PM, as I was leaving the hospital, I thought that as I hadn't had much to eat at breakfast, I would try to find something to eat. I hadn't had my usual breakfast because I knew I was going to be weighed and I didn't want to have a full stomach. Silly, I know, the scales are just a number that changes through the day, but when it's going to determine my B.M.I. for the operation, I wasn't taking any chances. B.M.I. is such an old fashioned measure of someone's health, but it is used in the N.H.S. for operation eligibility, so I have to go with it. My weight was fine, so that isn't going to be a problem, it's my circulation now, but as I said we will see what happens next.

Anyway, as I said, it was lunch time and I really needed to eat something, so I looked to see if I could find some food. There is a restaurant there that the public can use, but I didn't fancy going in on my own as it was very busy. In the end I went to the shop and got a meal deal. This comprised of a sandwich (chicken and salad), a packet of baked crisps and a diet coke. The whole thing added up to about 550 calories. This was not ideal, but I had had a light breakfast and it was what was available at the time. At least there was a good balance of protein and carbohydrates etc. I know I didn't need to eat the crisps, but it had been a long, hot morning and I just felt like eating it all, and having a drink. As I came out of the shop, a lady came rushing up to me. Now, I know this will sound strange, but she said, quite frantically, “Would you like an egg sandwich?”

I explained I had just bought my lunch and I really could not eat two sandwiches. “Oh”, she said, “I have just bought this sandwich and it's 400 calories. I can't eat that many, I am on a diet, and I've seen some others that are less so I don't want this. I will have to throw it away”. I said “You can't do that and waste it, give it to me and I will take it home”

“Oh, that's good”, she said, “I would have just thrown it away, if not”. She then passed the sandwich to me and went back into the shop.

I was a bit taken aback really, but I don't like food to be wasted. What also bothered me is the fact that she was so afraid of those 400 calories. I don't know her circumstances and never will, but what I do know is that she was going to just throw away good food just because it didn't fit in with her diet plan. If you stop to think about it, that makes no sense really, but the concept of losing weight is, to many people, just so rigid. I wish there had been more time to ask her what she was so scared of. If she was like what I used to be like, it would have been the fear of going over a certain amount of calories. I would be obsessional on previous diets. Even thinking that the whole day had been ruined if I went over the allowance by as little as 50 calories. Often thinking, well I might as well blow the diet today if this happened. I can still remember the pressure I felt about this. Losing weight is hard enough, but to put yourself under so much pressure is bound not to end well at all. To be honest, 400 calories can be spent a lot better than on a sandwich, that is not very filling, but then, if that's what's there...

Also, you would have thought she would have taken a good look around before she bought the sandwich. I will never know the full story of this lady's diet, but I know that I am far more relaxed now about what I can eat. As I have said before, I know roughly how many calories I can have each day, and I can adjust accordingly. If I eat more at lunch time, I eat less at dinner and vice versa. This has worked for me.

The actual process of losing weight is quite simple - “Less in, more out” - but it is quite often made far more complicated. There are many diets, but they all work in relatively the same manner. The body needs a certain amount of energy to function. Eat less energy, you lose weight. Eat equal energy, you maintain weight. Eat more, you gain weight. A calorie is a unit of energy and every food and drink contains a certain amount of calories. There is no need for complicated diets, they have no special magic, but if they work for the individual, then that's up to them. I just think that added pressure when it comes to sustainable weight loss is something I do not need. It never worked for me in the past, and I know that it wouldn't work for me now. If that lady really thought about it, is wasting food really worth the special diet – whichever one she is on.

As I have said, it is up to the individual, but I am glad I have found my own way. I know how many calories I have to spend, and I'll spend them the best way I can. If I do go over by a couple of hundred calories, it's not the end of the world, as far as I think now and it is more of a stress free way of thinking. Weight loss Is a marathon, not a sprint, if it is to be done safely and for the long term.

I brought the sandwich home and had it for my lunch the next day. I hope the lady found something to eat that she felt less pressured about, and succeeds in her weight loss journey. I continue now with my own way of eating and hopefully can lose at some point those last few pounds I would like to. No hurry, slow and steady wins the race, well at least for me. :-)

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx