SOMETIMES THE PATH NEEDS A HAND RAIL

23^rd July, 2020

In the last few blogs I know I may have come across as downbeat, less positive and maybe a little lost, but life is like that sometimes.

What we can learn from that is it happens, there is no shame in admitting things are not all sunshine and roses. We can learn to get through things and carry on. We have so many ways these days to learn if we choose to. At school I seem to remember I did what I had to do, that's what you did. I don't remember a lot about it now, but what I do remember is the subjects I really loved, that often had the best teachers, were the ones that really interested me and gave me motivation.

Motivation is the key to learning. If something needs to be done then you have to find a way to fire your interest and learn what needs to be done. I knew I had to do things differently this time and I had to learn about myself, my needs and what really makes me tick.

Why do we need to lose weight? Why did I need to lose weight? That was the question, but I also had to ask myself what was it I had done wrong in the past that didn't quite work and get me the results I had wanted.

I had lost weight many times, so I must have been doing something right, musn't I? Well actually I have now worked out that I didn't quite do it right. I just thought you followed a diet and moved around a bit and the weight came off. That is the basic idea, but it's more than that. If you only have a little weight to lose for your holiday or a special occasion, it can be hard but it's for a short time before you reach your goal. If you have a lot more weight to lose that you what keep off for health reasons or for your long term self-esteem it can be much more complicated than that.

In my case it has been really looking at just why I wanted to lose weight, had to lose weight and work out not only how to make the scales go down but also come out of this a more complete and confident person.

When I saw the orthopedic specialist at the end of February we made an agreement that if I got my BMI down to somewhere between 35 and 37, he would then agree for me to have my first joint replacement. At my highest, at the beginning of last year, it was 47.3. When I saw him it was 41.9. So with six months until I was due to see him again, I still had a way to go. In weight terms that is about 3 stone. I had started last year with a weight of 20 stone and 4 pounds. When I saw the specialist this February I was down to 18 stone and by August I need to be around 15 stone to 15 stone 7 pounds.

I had been lucky enough to see a NHS dietician last year, who I went to see once a moth to get weighed and talk about healthy ways to eat.

Then in March I couldn't go anymore due to the Covid-19 lockdown. This was just after I had seen the specialist, but I went into a DIY weight loss program with a positive outlook, got my own scales as I have said before and decided I would research and learn all I could to help me along. Little did I know how much I would learn, and how much I learnt about myself. Fortunately the internet is a great resource, but what surprised me was how I went from not only looking at nutrition, but also at self analysis with the help of T.E.D. Talks and other mindfulness tools. I was also looking at my appearance, with new clothes to wear, new make-up techniques, and the different struggles that different groups go through such as very obese people, women over 60 years old not realy being seen and recognised and whatever else out there that broadened my mind. I had a routine and tried to stick to it and I learnt so much to keep me motivated and my keep my mind on the task.

It's not easy to do it by yourself 24/7 and I know that's why some people go to groups, but I had do it the way I knew I could carry on going and making it my lifestyle. I have had to do a lot in my life on my own and can be quite independent so this way could work for me. I was getting there but we are all human. For the first three months plus it was relatively easy – if losing weight can be easy – but a few weeks ago I began to struggle. I was getting tired and my motivation began to slump. As much as I knew why I was doing what I was doing, I blipped and lost track of just how far I had come.

At that point I really had to look at myself, be kind and understanding to myself and give myself some breathing space. Hence why my blogs took a downbeat turn. They have always been my way of expressing purely and personally what I am feeling and thinking.

I had learnt the tools to make this time different and I slowly started to use them to help me back onto the path to a more motivated, confident person (most of the time :-) ).

I have continued to lose weight and have now lost five stone since last year, three of those since I saw the specialist, so I am now down to 15 stone 5 lb, with a BMI of 35.8 at the moment. I found out yesterday that I have an appointment on the 27^th August to see the specialist, which is great.

Five more weeks to work on showing him what I have achieved. I will have lived up to my side of the bargain and I feel sure he will live up to his. I will feel very nervous, but happy and proud that day hopefully. There's that light at the end of the tunnel again, and I am back on the path to move towards it.

But now the path has a handrail :-)

Jackie

xx