TODAY'S THOUGHT - DO SOMETHING WHEN YOU CAN

 27^th April, 2022

How many times do we really think – really, really think – about how things are? We can think about the automatic things in life, like eating when we feel hungry or drinking if we feel thirsty. These are feelings that we act on. How often do we forget to do these things if we are busy and don't get that “feeling”? Then that depends more on a feeling than a thought. A feeling that can be put off, depending on circumstances. We can worry, but worry is also something that can be automatic. Something is going to happen, or may happen, and so we worry. That too really is a feeling. It's a feeling about something that has not happened yet. We may have control over the situation and can do something, or we may not have that control and can do nothing. It is hard not to worry. There's something that can happen, but try, if you can, to think about it like this. If we have no control, then there is no point in worrying and the pain it will bring. On the other hand, if we can do something, then we should.

Having said that, quite often worrying is easy because is comes automatically. To do something if we can may be a much harder option. I know it may seem an unkind way to look at this, and an easier said than done scenario.

Most of my life I have been a worrier. It was just part of my nature. Having said that, most of my life, for good or for bad, I had someone to think for me. Sadly, it was being controlled by someone else and not having the chance or opportunity to think about what I really wanted to do. The time eventually came when I had to start thinking for myself in order to survive and to change the terrible situation I was in, but it wasn't easy.

I had to learn to make my own decisions. This wasn't easy as not only did I have myself to look after, but also my two children. I have often thought did I make the right choice, but I could only do what I thought was the best at the time, and base my decisions on the limited experiances that I had had.

There is no point now worrying over the past, as it can't be changed, and if you are worrying then look at it this way. You have survived. Right or wrong we are still here and that is a blessing. Another positive we can take from this is that you have started, not through choice I know, to learn to think for yourself, and to be able to cope with the task in hand. If you made mistakes, well, they were made, and the best thing you can do is learn from them. As for me, I know that sometimes it is much easier to worry about my weight and possible weight gain than to actually do something about it. It's the difference between irrational thoughts going through your head and physically getting out there and doing something. Doing something takes more energy than thinking about something, but it does need to be done.

At the moment the anaemia I have is making things a lot harder for me, but I know I can't be held down by it. The iron levels in my blood are very low, which makes thinking and moving much more difficult than usual, but I am still the fighter I had to become and I refuse to let it take over my life. I learnt many years ago that I should not worry. If there was something I could do, no matter how small, I should do it. If you can't take fifty steps a day, then take twenty-five, or ten, or even two. You will still get there. Making that effort and knowing you are doing your best to enhance your life, is so much better for your peace of mind. Yes, you can make mistakes, but at least try your best, so that when you look back on the situation you will know that you did do your best. And your best is always better than nothing.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

BELIEVE LIFE CAN BE BETTER ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE STORM

 

10^th April, 2022

I remember seeing the film “The Mist”, based on the story by Stephen King. I think the end is epic. Not wanting to give spoilers, but all can seem so desperate, but if only we knew a bit more it could be so much better!

One way or another these past few weeks have been very busy. Since January we have been very fortunate to be able to go out on day visits to places that we haven't been to for a long time, or even not at all. I think that I have mentioned before that a chap called John arranged coach trips that picked up from our village, and some of those around us, and it has been wonderful. We don't drive, and I wouldn't be allowed to now with my health conditions, so it's lovely to be picked up almost right outside our door. We have been to York twice now, and to Knaresborough and Harrogate, Goatheland and Whitby and Liverpool.

After the last two years it is really great to be able to get out to all these different places. We did the touristy bit, but also got to see so many other charity shops (have I mentioned in the past I love charity shops?😂) and buy some really exciting new items. It's no secret that the affluence of an area really does affect the quality of items you can find in a charity shop and it's still possible to pick up a bargain and save a lot of money.

It is so easy when what you do and where you go is limited to get stuck in a rut. There is nothing wrong with an ordinary life, but now and then it's great to get out there and do something different. We get so wrapped up in what needs to be done that we can get swallowed up. On a talk that I listened to recently, they talked about the chicken in the middle of the storm. When it is there, it can only see all the same things circling around and around and begins to think that is all there is. It's only once the chicken is thrown to the outside of the storm, it can really see the whole picture.

While you're in the storm even if you do not want to be there, you accept what life gives us because we don't know any better, or we feel to do anything different would be too difficult. It's so easy to be wrapped in the storm and accept our “lot”.

I am beginning to realise that if you want change you can begin to achieve it. There is always a way to think outside the box if we are open to new ideas and we are brave enough to accept them and make them work. Whether it's going to see different places, finding and trying new styles and colours to wear in an inexpensive way, or discovering you don't have to be afraid of food, you can find a way to improve your life.

The mind is a strange organ that likes to give you thoughts that keep you in certain places. Change is possible, I am learning that you can diffuse the thoughts the mind gives you and find joy and peace within the daily grind.

My weight loss journey is at, I think, an interesting point at the moment. It doesn't always mean because you have lost weight you are healthy, mentally or physically. It is so easy to become obsessed with what you feel you need to do and it can can take over your life. This, as I have said, is okay if you can carry on this way for the rest of your life, but if you can't it will be short lived. Hence, yo-yo diets. Finding a balanced way whilst including the different and exciting new ways of living can be nerve wracking. Trying to live a life without obsession and not living in a rut can be scary, but I think it can be done. Even if it means putting on a little weight while you are adjusting, it doesn't matter. If it eventually leads to a more balanced way of living it will be worth it in the end.

It's not about being as small as you can, it's about being as healthy – in mind as well as body – as you can. Not being afraid of giving new ideas a go is a good thing, and who knows where it might lead to. Don't be afraid of trying new things because you feel you can't. It's so easy to think “I can't do it, it's going to spoil what I already have, it's going to take up too much energy, it's going to cost too much!”

There is always a way, it is just a matter of finding it and not being scared to give it a go. Whenever you think about your time in the storm, you wonder how you ever lived like that and you will do your very best not to go completely back inside and enjoy your time in the sun.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

BEAUTY IS NOT ALWAYS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

 

25^th March 2022

I told someone a couple of days ago that I was scared on having my photo taken. I don't know if scared is quite the right word these days. I used to be scared when someone in my earlier life used to force me to have my photo taken and then, when said photos arrived (you had to wait back in those days 😊), would tell me how ugly I looked and how fat I was and that no one would ever love me. How wrong they were but at the time I knew no better than to listen to them and believe what they said. Now, logic would say why were they with me? In fact, stay with me for nearly twenty-eight years. In those days logic never really came into it. I believed what I was told. I have said before that my mother who was only seventeen years older than me was beautiful. Someone once said she looked like a young Sophia Loren and she knew it but I never thought of myself in that way. I was never told I was beautiful, it didn't seem to be thing that someone said, “Jackie your beautiful”. So when someone said I was ugly I believed them. Sad really, as this still affects me all these years later, even though my husband tells me this every day. I am beautiful and he loves me.

Negativity always seems to outweigh positivity. What someone said to hurt you still seems to affect you more than what someone says that loves you. The mind is indeed a strange thing. I have worked on my insecurities over the years and am so much better now than I used to be. We should all feel that we are beautiful and do all we can to boost our confidence. I still find it very hard to have my photo taken, but I am working on it and may have a few plans long term to help put that right. We shall see.

The days now are getting longer, and that strange round glow in the blue sky seems to be there a lot more than it was. It's getting a bit warmer. I am so pleased about that because I hate having to wear a coat. I love the freedom that summer brings, when you don't have to be bundled up in your “big coat” to use a good old-fashioned Yorkshire saying.

I so look forward to Summer dresses and skirts with tops and all those bright shiny colours you can wear. I can't wait!

My weight loss journey is still ticking over. I am beginning to settle into my new routine and it seems to be working. Keeping to a tight eating plan Monday to Friday and relaxing the eating more at the weekend. Having said that, we went to Liverpool for the day a couple of weekends ago and we were doing so much we didn't have time, or really wanted to eat. We did have a couple of freshly cooked doughnuts, but the rest of the day we were not bothered at all. We did joke that the doughnuts must be the new appetite suppressants and we should live on them, but nutritionally that would never work 😊Even though I had eaten them that day my calories were still within my allowance, and I made sure I had all my nutrients for the rest of the weekend.

The plan now is about losing this fear of eating the things I believe I shouldn't and knowing how to balance my eating. Not being too rigid and allowing myself to make mistakes and learn from them. We are never too old to learn from our mistakes.We should also be aware that other peoples mistakes are theirs and we shouldn't let them affect us. We are a person in our own right, beautiful and unique. We should do the best we can to get the most from this precious life we have be given while we are still able.

All for now,

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xxx

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE?

 

17^th March, 2022

Among the many rainy days we have had recently there have been one or two days with blue skies and sunshine. This helps to keep me positive that Spring is on the way. I have said before about how a blue sky and sunshine can help us feel so much better. There are so many things that can cheer us up when we are not feeling our best and it is just a case of finding what those things are. Like meeting up with like-minded people, doing something useful, finding a way to do those things we don't like to do and making things easier, reading, writing, making something – there are so many different things that, one way or another, can help us to cope just that little bit easier.

Things can seem so hard sometimes and it may take some time to find the right ways of coping, but we should never give up if things don't work out right the first time, or the second, or even the third. If we keep going we will get there. I came across a quote today from Audrey Hepburn, which says “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I'm possible.”

Now, I know that some things are impossible, however there are so many things that are possible if we can just find the way. There are so many times in my life that I thought that certain things would never change. There was no support, I couldn't do it, but I never gave up and life did eventually change for the better. Now, there were some things I would have loved to have done but for one reason or another they were not going to happen in my life, that's the way it sometimes happens. I do believe everything happens for a reason although we may not always see that reason at the time. I also believe the signs to change aspects of your life can also present themselves to you at various times. You might see something on social media, or read something in a magazine. Maybe you'll have a chat with a complete stranger and all of a sudden you see something new. A possibility to try a new thing. The signs are there for you to read if you are open enough to see them. So many things can happen in life that can turn things on their head in an instant. Maybe not always for the better, but quite often, if there is a need and you are open-minded you will see where you need to be.

With my weight loss journey, I have reached the hardest point I have ever been at, learning how to maintain weight. As I said in my previous blog, losing weight is hard, but keeping it off is, in my opinion, harder still. I spoke to my health and well being coach about this. I would like to lose the small amount of weight I have put on since my operation, however at the moment the emphasis is on stopping my weight going up even more. It's all in the mind. The mind is one of the most powerful parts of the human body. It works us and it has a way of doing it's own thing. Mine tells me I lost weight for operation and my son's wedding, so that's it now! I have a constant battle at the moment to make it think any other way, but I will succeed. It may take a bit of time, but I will learn how to make my mind do what I want it to do so I can achieve the impossible for me and find balance. I have never in 45 years of weight management been able to find balance, but I am adamant that I will. I have been very lucky to have been referred to a N.H.S. health and well being coach and I am not going to waste this opportunity. He suggested having an on/off approach to weight loss and it is at the moment the best way for me. He suggested I have so many weeks on plan and then so many weeks off plan. That is what he does, but I don't think that would work for me. I would find it hard to get back on plan after a big gap of eating more. What we decided might work better for me at the moment is on plan Monday to Friday and then relax my eating at the weekend. That might sound simple, but for me it isn't. I am an all or nothing sort of person but I can change. I know I can. Not being afraid of the wrong movement of a scale needle can be achieved. I know just how great I will feel if I can not only lose weight, but maintain it as well.

It's been impossible in the past, but hopefully it's possible with a little more mind training. We will see.

When a mind that seems to be lost in a fog finds a path out, how bright and beautiful are the colours on the other side. Just like nature coming out of the sleep of Winter into the bright and early dawn of Spring. We all want the best life we can lead and to find those ways of making it better can be so uplifting.

I will carry on thinking even though it seems impossible, I'm possible, and see where it gets me in the next couple of months.

I have quite a few things happening at the moment, that will take all the possible I can get, so here we go. Let's see where I end up.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

BALANCE - WITHOUT IT WE FALL, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

 11^th March 2022

I was asked the other day what words would I have on my gravestone. I do get asked some strange questions, but there was a reason for this one. When you are looking at your personal values ie what is most important to you,it is a way of working out what is most important in a few words. I am one for taking on the cares of the world. Being quite an empathic person has made me like this. I have a very high standard of justice and it has got me into trouble quite a few times in the past, but I can't help the way that I feel. It is sometimes so painful to be so sensitive to situations and what is happening around you. A lot of people also tend, like me, to put others first and it is not easy when you are set the task “What do you want?” to come up with an answer. I have, in the past few years, tried so hard to find a balance between the needs of others and my own but it can be so difficult.

There is also the issue that sometimes, when you have been there for someone 100% of the time, that they don't understand when you “change”, when you want to do more for yourself. I realised back in the days with my first husband that life is too short. I decided then that  so much as it is in my power on my dying day I want to be able to look back and have no regrets.

Not as easy as it sounds. I still find it hard to strike the right balance. When I was given the task of writing my own epitaph, I googled it and this is what it says.

Typically the goal of the epitaph is to leave some words of wisdom, share the most important values of the deceased, or summarise the person's life.

How many people think of, or get the chance to, write their own epitaph?. Would we want to, at the chance of sounding arrogant ? . It is usually left to someone else, would they get it right about you do you think?

I will have to have a long hard think about what I would write before I let the person who asked me know. :-)

Finding balance is never an easy task, is it? Whether it's work/leisure balance, money balance, relationship balance, or food intake balance, it can be so difficult to keep those scales on a flat line, like those old fashioned scales with weights on one side and a container on the other. 🙂 Whatever the balance needs to be, it is better for our wellbeing that one side does not outweigh the other. Being out of balance can cause so many problems. Ask me, who has Meniere's disease!🙂But seriously life and health really needs to have some kind of balance.

With my weight loss journey, at the moment I am still trying so hard to find that right balance. I am still very anaemic, so I have to be able to eat a healthy diet that gives me plenty of iron, while still being able to treat myself when I want to eat something “less” healthy. All this while on a restricted calorie intake, because I can't exercise in the traditional way.

It is hard, but I am getting there. I'm teaching myself at the moment to try to maintain my weight rather than losing it. Maintaining weight is something I have never been able to do for any good length of time. In the last forty-five years of weight fluctuation I have found weight loss hard but keeping it off even harder. Some people say that you can't keep weight off but I will try to master it, to break the cycle and find my balance 🙂

One thing I know will NOT be in my epitaph is weight loss. There is far, far, more to life than just that! I will not be defined by one thing alone when there is so much more to me and who I am.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie

xx

TEACHING GRANDMA TO SUCK EGGS :-)

 4^th March 2022

I love fashion. I always have. I wasn't always able to wear fashionable things though. Firstly when I was young because of my size, and later on because my first husband controlled what I wore. I have two memories from those time which will always stand out for me. When I was young how happy I was when I found something to wear which trendy. My mother once made for me a pair of Bay City Rollers trousers which were checked and baggy and I felt a million dollars when I wore them. The other memory was my first husband getting clothes for me which I liked but they were always two or three sizes too small for me. He used to say I would have to lose weight to fit into them. I was stuck with the old, basic clothes that I had. That made me feel so sad but at the time it was just the way it was, and I could see no way out.

What you can see from this though, is the feelings that clothes can create. To be able to wear something you want to wear, and look good, can do so much for your confidence, wellbeing and mental health.

There is someone that Steve and I know that loves Batman, and the joy in his face recently when he showed us his new Batman t-shirt just radiated out to us and for that moment we could share in his happiness.

As I have said in the past, I love to shop in charity shops and it would be true to say that the majority of my clothes come from there. It's not for everyone, I know. You can't just go in and buy a mass item off the rail, nut for me it's the joy of the hunt. You never know just what you are going to find. Obviously underwear is always bought new, and that's a whole new story as you lose weight, but everything else except sometimes shoes is bought second-hand. There are many new names for it now. Vintage, pre-loved, retro, etc., but it's all technically the same. I have bought some lovely things at vintage fairs, such as a beautiful denim jacket from America, but the majority, as I said, are charity shop finds.

What makes me smile is that anything pre-2000 is now classed as vintage, which is rather scary for those of us who are that bit older. I was born in the late 1950s and have seen many fashion trends come and go. I used to love spending time in London and in particular, many years ago, Carnaby Street, where I would watch what people were wearing. I still love to people watch :-).

Now here is what I sort of see as a problem. I read a lot about trends in fashion and watch YouTube a lot and a thought struck me. When you see younger people dressing vintage or in the style of the 60s, 70s, 80s or 90s it's seen as trendy. My concern was that when someone of my age dresses that way it could be seen completely differently. As though you were stuck in a time warp, or just plain old fashioned or even, dare I say it, dowdy!

Now that is just the way I think but it is definitely different for someone who is older. However I now think that when you are young you can follow fashion and all look the same if you want too. You can choose to dress in a certain era and look fantastic that way. We should be able to wear whatever we want. I spent many years not being able to, but – and it is a big but – as you grow older you have seen so many pages of trends and fashions over the years and you have a wealth of experience to glean from. How lucky we are! Now is the time to experiment to find your own style and have the confidence to be just who you want to be.

Shopping in charity shops are my way of doing this in a far less expensive way . The few things that don't work out can be donated back to raise further money for charity, but what fun I have trying and many times I find myself a whole new outfit few just a few pounds. The thrill of the hunt, finding something different and learning all about the image you want to give to the world is, to me, not only fun but such good therapy. You just never know what is out there. :-)

I will continue to look.

The hunt goes on!

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx

REINVENTING THE WHEEL

 

26^th February, 2022

It isn't often when I sit down to write my blog that I know what the title is going to be. I have thoughts in my head that I want to get down on paper and the title comes at some point thereafter, but this time it was there first. It just seemed to be the right one for this blog. Someone asked me a few nights ago what my blog was about and I struggled to answer. Isn't it strange how you do something and really enjoy it, to you it seems so simple but then when you are asked about it you struggle. Is it because you feel someone else would think it silly and not worthy, or just that you don't want to feel a fool for doing something you are not good at? There is always the chance that someone may think that, but if they do it doesn't really matter. We should be proud of whatever we do, but confidence is not always as high as it should be. I have tried so hard since I had to leave work, nearly four years ago now, to make the best of every day life. Not always easy when we lost two years of that during Covid lockdowns, plus the time I lost because of illness, but I never stop trying! :-) I have made a few mistakes along the way, but it's all a learning process, and we are never too old to learn. There are, and will be, so many times in your life you may find you need to reinvent yourself. No one knows what may happen next and things in life can change so, so quickly.

Nothing stays the same forever and it is much better to move along with our situation the best way we can. Since the New Year I have tried out a number of new things. Clubs and groups etc., some with my husband Steve and some by myself. Some haven't worked out, which is fine but the main thing is knowing that they are not for me and moving on.

I think it's all about being with like minded people, but it takes time to find this out and not being afraid to say “This isn't for me”. Thankfully though some of the groups and clubs are working out well for me at the moment which is great and I am able to expand what I do both by myself and as a couple with Steve.

The weight management is also coming together well after an iffy three months. As part of my referral for my other joint operations I have been sent to see a health and wellbeing coach. I thought at first it was going to be weight management and wasn't sure how I would feel, but it's not that at all.

It is more about what we eat and the best way for it to be more balanced. The chap I saw was surprised about how much I already knew, but it is good to be able to be able to chat with someone and perhaps learn new ideas and research. I look forward to attending these appointments and getting new support after doing it so long on my own. Even though I lost 100 lbs by myself, extra support when you are wondering what to do next always helps. So this is where the wheels of Jackie living the best life she can starts to be incorporated into my writing. To document all I do has always been important for my wellbeing, and it will continue to be that way.

I wrote once about a phoenix rising from the ashes. I wonder how many times that happens? I don't know, but here we are.

Moving forward my blog will be partly weight loss, and partly life as I see it. I think that this will be a good balance. I don't want to change the title of my blog, it has been with me eight years now but I know I sometimes need to add more content. There is so much more to life than just weight loss. It has been, if you'll excuse the pun, a large part of my life and always will be, but I want to have more. I am getting greedy, not for food anymore but for life. I want life, my life, to be the best it can be.

I am not sure what will happen over the next few months or years, but I know that most of the time it will be fun finding out.

Until next time,

Love, Jackie.

xx